Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Why Would Anyone Want to Date You?

A while ago I wrote a post in which I tried to sum up some of what I was looking for in a man.  Not the deep, meaningful stuff, but rather the more banal bits.  The “type” of guy (looks, hobbies, habits, likely professions, etc).  It might have been a bad idea to do so as I took a lot of shit for it.  But I was just trying to answer a question I was getting over and over, “What are you looking for?”.

Anyway, in response to that post I promised to write a follow-up, “Why would anyone want to date me” or “What do I have to offer”.  This is going to be tricky for me, as I desperately want to maintain my anonymity.  Therefore I am going to be very fuzzy about some details.  It is what it is (note – this is nothing like my profile, which has actual details).

  • 38.  Never married.  No kids.  No pets. No sexual hang ups.
  • 5′ and just barely over 100 lbs (for more details on that type HNT in my site’s search box or heck just look at my header – that’s my body).
  • NYC area native.  Have lived in Manhattan for most of the last 16 yrs.  Lived briefly in the UK, still have strong ties there.  Travelled a bit – more extensively than some, not as much as others.  Spent a couple months last year out of the country (not in Europe).  Would take off again tomorrow if circumstances permitted.
  • Masters Degree from an Ivy League University.  Subject shows me to be an officially good person.
  • Loves to cook and eat.  An extension of my firm belief in hedonism – life is meant to be enjoyed, thoroughly!
  • Will never ask a man to go shopping with me.  Loathe shopping.
  • Musical tastes are all over the place but jazz and old school punk both have special places in my heart.  A guy who’s looking for someone to go out to music clubs with him would be very happy.
  • Doesn’t wear much make-up.  Gets ready quickly in the morning.  Not a mirror hog.
  • Extraordinarily self suffiicient.  Can fix stuff around the apartment, take care of her own stuff.  Doesn’t need a man to come rescue her.
  • Can dance (salsa, merengue – seriously!).  Cannot sing.
  • Has some very pretty lingerie and a small collection of little black dresses.

OK, that’s about as much of this as I can stand.  You know what, I think this is officially my least favorite post ever.


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17 to “Why Would Anyone Want to Date You?”


  1. saritaem says:

    Sometimes (ok. MOST of the time) men are just too stupid to see what they have in front of their eyes. You sound pretty perfect to me, and I can’t understand why are you having problems to date a man.

    I am single too. But… i’m not that perfect!

  2. recklessstudio says:

    Well, I would believe you as a modest person and so I can understand your unease with this post.

    You are an amazing person that is looking for someone. You have your standards and through these standards it is going to difficult to find someone. Sometimes, you do and they mess up. Sometimes, you mess up.

    But all in all, you know and I know that you are a catch & it’s ok to believe you are. Some people are just too stupid to realize it – just like saritaem said.

    Unfortunately, you would tell me that I am too young for you ;)

  3. bellaressa says:

    Wow, great way to take stock. You sound great!

  4. Teifion says:

    I saw the title and was getting ready to reply with “it’s bad enough that nobody does want to date me but now you gotta go rub it in!”. :P There’s alas not much I can actually say “yes I’m looking for that” because I’m not looking for anything right now (and even if I was you’re a little too far away from me) but I did find it amusing that you list lingerie as a plus point about yourself, Men are pretty visual. And isn’t Red meant to be the sexy colour and not Black?

    @saritaem Most men are pretty narrowminded on things by default, it’s quite hard for us to take a step back and look at the bigger picture but it’s possible. Stupid is close and at first glance correct but once you take a moment to think more on it you’ll hopefully see we’re not all thick, just blinkered.

  5. bobbyjensen says:

    I think it can be difficult to post about oneself with some detail, yet keep a comfortable distance from giving out one’s address. A large part of the equation though.

  6. Anonymous says:

    i dont believe on standads! this just ruin everything in the end. dont look or find someone, it’ll come in time just be there in the right place. if you cant find love in your place, go somewhere else far, you’ll discover thinks that you think dont exist.

  7. Fabulously Broke says:

    Honestly, you have the same personalities as me. I don’t hog the mirror, rarely or don’t wear makeup these days, am trying to go chemical-free, I like to shop but I don’t shop as a hobby, and I love to eat, cook and am pretty low maintenance if I say so myself (I always pay my half on rent, utilities, food), plus I even treat once in a while. :) And BF seems to love all of that, so I hope you find someone just like him..

  8. The_BORG says:

    Nice list. I think we’d match, but we live 2.5 hours away… I can listen to any style, but the old school punk & early 80s is my main thing. I do like the heavier stuff though. You seem like the ideal woman. Yes, most men are narrow-minded when it comes to women, but I find women can be the same way. I find most women are very shallow and want the “tall, dark, & handsome” guy. I know it works both ways.

    Although, once you do make a connection with someone, having shared interests or just good chemistry is really important. There is no perfect guy or girl out there. People have to make compromises on the little things so they can fully enjoy the big things.

  9. SINgleGIRL says:

    -saritaem,
    Welcome to the blog and thank you so much for the lovely compliment. I assure you I’m not perfect. I think we all have trouble seeing what’s right in front of our face sometimes – men and women, alike.
    -recklessstudio,
    You are a sweetheart, as always. Yes, I have standards and yes you are too young. And YES, people mess up. I have certainly messed up in the past. I hope that the next time I meet someone with whom I have the possibility of a good relationship I don’t fuck it up.
    -Teifion
    Yes, guys are pretty visual which is why I mentioned the lingerie :-). I’ve heard the red thing too, but in my experience a little black dress will work wonders.
    -bobbyjensen
    Yes. Posting about oneself is probably the hardest thing for me. I hate it!
    -Anonymous
    Well, I’ve heard the “don’t look” thing before and no offense but no thanks. I’m way too type A for that. And no standards? Well, a double no thanks on that.
    -Fabulously Broke
    I’m glad you found someone who appreciates you as you are. I certainly haven’t given up. Yet.
    -The-BORG
    I agree that many people are shallow. And that in some communities of people (online dating, for example) you’ll find more shallow people. I don’t think it’s most, though.

  10. AnonymousDebb says:

    After a lengthy 1st divorce I stayed single years and loved it

  11. SINgleGIRL says:

    -AnonymousDebb
    It sounds like you found something that worked for you. That’s great. I’ve been single a long time. I don’t hate it. I’d just like to see the flip side.

  12. The one and only Bob says:

    SINgleGIRL-
    Nice post. Yes, it’s tough to write a post like that, and thanks for doing it! You seem like a great gal.

    First things first, black over red any day of the week!

    I did have a “gut reaction” to your post, the first time I read it. You are who you are, and there are some things you can’t change, but I did have a negative “gut” reaction to these items: 38 and never married, no pets, NYC area native (specifically Manhattan).

    Maybe those traits are typical or positives for someone from Manhattan, but around my area, those traits would be negatives. Don’t take this the wrong way, because I love your blog, and the other traits were DEFINITELY selling points!! wow.. can get ready fast? hates shopping!? wow. But it seems like around here (far away from Manhattan), people from Manhattan have a certain stereotype, and there’d need to be a lot of positives to overcome that! (But since you are specifically dating men from your area, no biggie).

    I’ve seen several individuals in their late 30′s start dating each other, and they were so set in their ways (they’d say “self sufficient”, as you say), that they had a hard time adapting to what it takes to be a couple – the give and take.

    Anyway, Love the blog, keep it up!

  13. SINgleGIRL says:

    -The One and Only Bob
    Well, I am who I am. And I am well aware that for many men my age is a turn off. 38 and never married is probably a negative thing for a lot of guys. But it’s my truth. Same with all the other stuff. I’m not going to try to convince anyone that those are good things. They are what they are. Good or bad.

  14. SpikeTheLobster says:

    OMG (as they say). I can’t believe people would give you shit over your being honest. It’s up to you what you look for in a person. The nerve of some folks. Pah! I like your description of yourself (always a horrible thing to have to do) – could you pop over to the UK and fix my fridge?

  15. SINgleGIRL says:

    -SpikeTheLobster,
    You’re a darling. Seriously, your guess is as good as mine. I just try to be honest.

  16. Shannia says:

    I am sorry but you don’t like to shop (sad face) and you live in Manhattan. God I go there a few times a year just to shop.. if I lived there I would definately be broke..lol

  17. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Shannia
    I like having (and getting) nice things but I don’t like shopping. I know – weird.