I shared some kind of sensitive info about myself in my last post and was a bit surprised when no one commented on it. But then, as I’ve recently mentioned to a friend, I have no freaking clue what people will or won’t comment on or even which posts will be popular when I write them. Sometimes I’ll write something in a hurry sure that very few people will find it interesting and I’ll get a huge response. Other days I’ll spend lots of time on a topic that I’m sure will gets tons of hits and comments and it’s a dud.
I’m still learning.
Anyway, yesterday I mentioned that I’m not particularly interested in having kids. That’s a pretty big deal to most of the people I know. ‘Cause it’s kind of assumed that ALL women are just ticking time bombs/baby making machines and that at some point in our thirties we’re all going to become completely obsessed with having a kid. Either that, or we’ll hit a point where we realize that we’ve waited too long, and then fall into a deep depression.
I refuse to participate in either of those rituals. It’s not that I don’t understand where it all comes from, I do. There are strong biological and societal forces behind them. And it’s not that I don’t love kids, either. Not only do I love them, I’m really good with them. Auntie SINgleGIRL is usually the one grown up in the room who can handle the out of control rugrats.
But as I entered my mid 30s I looked around and saw a lot of really miserable women, of both the single and married persuasion, who were completely obsessed with baby making. The married ones were torturing themselves with fertility treatments and the single ones were desperately seeking the future father of their children and then commencing to breed just moments after they walked down the aisle. I’m not questioning the decisions they made, for them. I’m just saying that those decisions didn’t seem like ones I wanted to make for me.
Over the past few years, as I’ve told people that I might not to have kids, that it wasn’t my priority, I’ve gotten a lot of different responses. Most of them bad or rude. I’ve had several people tell me that I’d change my mind. That that was just what I thought, now (as if it were a whim that I’d put little thought into). That as I got closer to 40 I would realize that I’d made a horrible mistake. I even had a family member lecture me (over dinner) about my horrible mistake and suggest that I rush out and fix it as soon as possible. I had a woman (a friend of a friend) tell me that since I wasn’t, yet, a mother I couldn’t possibly know what I was missing and that if I didn’t smarten up I would miss out on my one true purpose in life. And I had one guy, on a date (2nd or 3rd date, can’t remember which) say, “what are you, a monster?”.
I see a lot of guys online who have their own case of baby fever. Some will say that they are looking for someone to start a family with. Others are more subtle. But, as I mentioned yesterday, I try to stay away from them. I wouldn’t want to start a family with someone who I knew for less than a couple of years and by then I’d be into my forties and well… Let’s just say that I’m OK with being the cool aunt for the rest of my life.
Tags: babies, biological clock, fertility