So, so far, no one has taken me up on th Set Up SINgleGIRL challenge. I’m not surprised. I mean, even if you’ve been reading me for a while, it’d be hard for you to know who I might like and what I’m looking for. I’ve written about dealbreakers and my needs and wants from relationships (I’m not going to do links, here – if you’re curious you can use my search feature). But I’ve never really given you a nitty gritty shopping list, now have I?
So here it is:
First of all, I am seeking someone who is interested in a LTR. I realize that might seem like a controversial thing to say to some people. In fact, I’ve gotten plenty of comments and messages telling me that my “problem” is that I’m looking for a LTR and that a person can’t or shouldn’t decide, in advance, what kind of relationship they’re looking for. That I should be “open” to whatever comes along. I’m not. Open, that is.
I’m not interested in casually dating anymore. If I met some great guy who I enjoyed spending time with but he knew up front that he wasn’t interested in a LTR anytime in the near future (and many people aren’t for a lot of different reasons, I’m not judging) then he wouldn’t be the guy for me. I wouldn’t be interested in spending time with him on a casual, hanging out and seeing where things go, basis. Because I’d know that that’s not what I wanted and that I’d be hoping all the time that he’d change his mind. And that’s not cool. I want to meet someone who wants what I want. I believe that one of the most powerful forces in our lives is timing and this is especially so when it comes to relationships. I’ve written about this before, btw. If you take two people who both want the same thing at the same time then they have a heck of a lot greater chance of having a successful relationship then if they don’t (want the same thing at the same time).
Add to this information that I don’t necessarily want to get married. I wouldn’t mind it, but I don’t need it. I’m OK however that works out. And the kid thing – well, I’m 38 and I’ve pretty much made my peace with the fact that that probably won’t happen for me. I love kids and if it happened that I had one (or more) that’d be cool. But I don’t want to rush into a relationship and then into having kids. I don’t have baby fever. I tend to stay away from guys who are in a rush to have a family. They stress me out. Oh, but guys with kids are cool.
In terms of physical stuff, I’m not into overly tall or overly short guys. Anyone in the 5’4″-6’1″ range is good. As I’m interested in men between the ages of 40-50, I kind of expect them to have a few extra lbs around the mid-section. It’s great when they’re in shape, but no gym-rats And no metrosexuals(I cannot stand men who take longer to get ready in the morning than I do). Really, I’m comfortable with a whole range of body types, but anything more than “a few extra pounds” and it usually doesn’t work for me.
I’ve mentioned recently, in the comments, that I tend to go for science guys. I dig guys with analytical brains. Not exclusively (I also have a good track record with entrepreneurs and guys in the arts and entertainment – not the flaky ones). But guys in science and technology fields are frequently good matches for me. They go at things with their minds, first, rather than getting all worked up emotionally. And I find that comforting, quite frankly. Conversely, I’m not interested in meeting academics (unless they’re from one of the aforementioned departments), writers, teachers, social workers or shrinks. I guess I just like to be with a man whose brain works very differently than mine. That way we complement rather than compete with one another.
I really don’t care much about a guy’s taste in music or art or any of that other stuff that takes up so much space in so many personal ads. My tastes are all over the place. The caveat on that would be the food thing. No picky eaters and no health nuts. Vegetarians are cool as long as he’s a vegetarian who can get excited about some deep fried veggies every once in a while. Oh, and as long as he’s cool with the fact that I’m not willing to forego the occasional eggs benedict.
Add in attractive, smart and a good sense of humor (everyone wants those things – they’re kind of a given) and there you have it. I’m really not asking for much. Am I? Really I’m not. I’m not looking for an Adonis with a 6 figure income. Or a man who knows the lyrics to my favorite song or who’s a gourmet cook and a great dancer and a world traveller (not that any of those things wouldn’t be nice). Just a decent, kinda normal guy. So, can you help me out?
OK, now seriously - as I’ve reported, I registered with Plenty of Fish on Friday and it’s been an interesting experience thusfar. Most of the messages I get are just pathetic. However, I have a date, a real live date with a POF guy this coming Saturday. He moved pretty fast, but I couldn’t resist the invitation. More details as they come…
Tags: casual dating, LTR, plenty of fish, set up, timing