I guess it was about a month or two ago, I was on an already bad date and the guy asks me, out of nowhere, if I would go out with someone who didn’t have a master’s degree or better. I’m sure I looked at him like he had 2 heads and said that, yes, of course I would. I’ve dated plenty of guys without advanced degrees, a few who didn’t complete their BAs and plenty of morons with Ph.D.s and that the ones with the advanced degrees usually weren’t any smarter or better in any other way. He said that he wouldn’t. Date anyone without an advanced degree. He felt they wouldn’t have enough in common. It was, like, his 5th strike (and, yeah, I got mine).
The conversation came back to me last night as I was reading a post on one of my favorite blogs (if you’ve never read Belle’s Blog you should check it out). Anyway, her conversation was focused more on men who earn less and seem to have less motivation. But the discussion on her blog led me to think of that crappy date, and – let’s see if you can take this leap with me – my recent experience on POF and how it differs from the sites I’m used to.
For the past several years I’ve used nerve.com which is pretty well know in NYC for being the arty site. A lot of the people on there are writers, artists and educators and people in the entertainment business. There are also plenty of lawyers and doctors and finance types, but it’s the arty folk who set the tone. Note, I haven’t mentioned any blue collar professionals. There are some blue collar folks on the site, for sure. But they are in the minority. And they are, for the most part, comfortable with the arty, wanna be upscale way that people go about trying to get laid. Let’s be clear here, the majority of the folks on the site are just trying to get laid, but they do it by talking about their favorite books and life-altering trips to Nepal.
Plenty of Fish is the Mall of America of online sites. Everyone is there. Everyone. I’ve bumped into a doctor and a lawyer or two, but I’ve also bumped into a guy who openly states that he’s on parole and a heck of a lot of hardworking blue collar guys who’d never feel comfortable on nerve. And for the record, the semi-literate messages are not exclusively from the guys with the high school educations. They’re coming from all directions. I just think the site breeds a kind of carelessness. I have no idea why.
I come from a family that has a pretty heavy mix of blue and white collar workers and know a lot of really smart people who just weren’t into school when they were younger (I have a HS dropout in my immediate family and while he’s an asshole and a whole lot of other bad he’s not at all stupid). And so when I got a well written message from a guy on Plenty of Fish last night who didn’t go to college and who has a steady blue collar job, I didn’t really think twice about answering it. Who knows, maybe he’s my next guy?
But back to issues of money and motivation – no, I would not date a guy who was living with his parents or mooching off some other relative unless there were some really good reason for it (like he moved in to help take care of them). I have issues dating guys with roommates. I figure if a guy is over the age of 35 and he still hasn’t figured out the living on his own thing, that’s an issue. And it’s not a class issue or a brains issue, it’s a motivation issue.
As I’ve said before, many times, I don’t care how much money a guy makes. I really don’t. However, at this point in my life I will not date a guy who cannot support himself. I just won’t. A few years ago the starving artist thing might’ve been something I’d be OK with. But not now. No. Sorry. I don’t need him to take care of me, thank you. Just himself.
OK, I’ve clearly tried to tie too many tangents in here. Sorry about that. But I’d love to know what you think.
Tags: bad date, money, nerve.com, plenty of fish