Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Guaranteed Failure

OK, I don’t like doing stuff like this.  It’s not really my thing.  But I can’t help myself.  I’m online now, in another window, trying to get through my inbox and ?  I cannot believe that these guys think that they’re trying.  The messages that I’m getting (not all of them. but most of them) are so half-assed, that I’m having a hard time believing that any of these guys will ever find anyone to go out with them.

Here are some examples:

“You were selected as one of my matches in my area. would you like to connect and get to know each other?”

“hi my name is XXX u seem very honest and cute would u like to get to know each other”

“Hi, how are you? do I have the bait to reel you in?…
hope to here back,,XXX”

“lkie to talk XXX”

I particularly like the first one as he didn’t say anything complimentary about me, whatsoever.  Just pointed out that the system matched us.  In addition to a bunch more like these, I also received several emails that contained the message, “hi” or “hey” and nothing else.

So, I’m guessing that at least some of these geniuses are currently complaining to their friends that sucks and the women are all bitches and phonies who won’t give them the time of day? Either that or they all know they’re morons and this is just one big joke?   The only thing I’m sure of is that no self respecting woman is going to reply to any of these guys, no matter what their pics look like.  So every time they send out one of these messages they are just dooming themselves to .

On a certain level it’s sad, I guess?  I see these services, online, where people can actually hire someone to write their online profile and “manage” their online dating experience.  I’m guessing that means write and respond to messages.  The first time I saw one of those websites I laughed.  I couldn’t imagine anything sillier. But these guys need some kind of help.  A service, a class, mentor – something.

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21 to “Guaranteed Failure”


  1. derek7272 says:

    If it’s any consolation, I wasn’t really impressed with the ladies on POF either.

  2. SINgleGIRL says:

    -derek7272
    And yet when I was writing about the other sites I had several people write in and say, try POF? Life is odd.

  3. recklessstudio says:

    Now you see where I am coming from. They’re hopeless without help.

  4. sfsingleguy says:

    Wow, those are pretty impressive. As a guy I my online dating accounts have been spammed by computer generated profiles, but if these are real people then evolution has started running backwards.

  5. Hypatia says:

    Yup. Those are invariably the POF responses I get. The only reason I keep my profile online on there is for blog fodder.

  6. hurryupnbuy says:

    I was actually one of the ones telling you to try POF. It wasn’t the content I was recommending but the refreshingly hassle-free experience the site offers.

  7. derek7272 says:

    I guess ultimately you just need one good response…

  8. starangel82 says:

    No matter what site I’ve used, I always get some lame emails. I can’t stand getting ‘hi. want 2 chat?’. First, the guy could send me an email that uses words. I can get over the all lower case. i type that way on occasion. But I can’t stand 2, 4, r, u, etc. We’re adults now. Second, there is something more original than ‘want 2 chat’. If he’s really checked out my profile, he could ask my why I love my favorite book or what my favorite meal is to cook.

    I also hate when a guy emails me his phone number and says ‘I hate to email. Call me.’ I’m sorry, but if you really want to talk to me, you are going to have to go through the email process at least a few times before I call you. Unless you are Ryan Reynolds or Clive Owen… then we’ll skip straight to the date. :)

  9. cjw666 says:

    I can see where you’re coming from and I’m sure some of them are just jerks/illerate/whatever, but (and I admit I know nothing from experience about online dating) isn’t it likely that some of these people are simply no bloody good at “chatting up” women, but could be perfectly nice guys you might even like.

    I presume that such remarks are actually saying, “I like what I’ve found out about you thus far, please take a look at my profile and see if you might feel like chatting.” Is that fair? I wouldn’t know.

    That said, I wouldn’t reply to unimaginative attemps like that either (if I were a woman and dating online) :)

  10. cultdiva says:

    I feel for you single girl! My BF is going the dating site route and the only thing we have in our area to choose from are the toothless ignorant leftovers that no one else wants either. Or married guys. She just met her fourth one last weekend for coffee. And walked out when he told her about his mean wife he can’t seem to divorce….She’s nicer than me. She didn’t pour the coffee in his lap. .I lucked out however, my first and last internet date was the awesome man I married two years later. Hang in there girl!

  11. 20forty says:

    POF is ridiculous. Then again, around here they’re all pretty ridiculous. :D

  12. ZJapan says:

    My favorite line (which I have never used) is “Would you like me to buy you a drink or would you rather have the money?” Sorry you got all the lame lines.

  13. SINgleGIRL says:

    -recklessstudio
    But these are not young guys. These guys are in their 30s and 40s. I just don’t understand how they can be so clueless?
    -sfsingleguy
    They seem to be real. There’s one gem who has emailed me several times (with come ons similar to these) and seems to be getting frustrated with my lack of response. But I can bring myself to reply. Perhaps I should offer him advice?
    -Hypatia,
    To be fair, I have gotten a couple of good ones from POF, too.
    -hurryupandbuy,
    Yes, it’s hassle free, in terms of function. But weeding through the losers is a BIG hassle.
    -derek7272
    One good response. Yes. I guess so. But in all honesty, this is the first site where I’m not bothering to reply to people. My attitude is that since they’re clearly not making an effort then I’m not going to make an effort (and I do not consider these emails efforts).
    -starangel82
    This is the first site that/time that I’ve gotten messages like these and I’m kinda appalled. Oh, and the ‘call me’ thing is the worse. I got several of those too. Unacceptable!
    -cjw66
    OK, so a guy sucks at chatting up women. I get that. It can be hard for some people. But this isn’t really chatting up women. A guy has the time to sit and think about what he might like to right. No. think is just thoughtlessness and complete lack of effort. If someone wanted to do well at this he could take 2 minutes and do a google search for online dating advice. Jeez. Let’s not make excuses for these trolls.
    -cultdiva
    Oh, yeah. Been there, done that. 30 minutes into a date with an otherwise nice guy he mentioned how he and his wife would be away for the next couple of weeks. He just slipped it into conversation as if it was something I would be OK with. I didn’t throw anything at him but I did get up and leave 2 minutes later. Ugh. And people wonder why I’m still online dating?
    -20forty
    Well that’s it, isn’t it – they’re all pretty ridiculous. There is SOMETHING about POF that leads guys to be especially lazy, though.
    -ZJapan
    Promise us all that you will never use that line. Ever. :-)

  14. LittleEvilAngel says:

    I HATE getting emails that say nothing but “hi” in them. I just delete without even looking at the person’s profile, no matter how cute their pic looks. In the same token, I love when someone sends me a coherent, well though out, very personalized email, and will ALWAYS reply to them to say thank you at the very least. I’ve had better luck on OKCupid, and stopped visiting POF a long time ago.

  15. SINgleGIRL says:

    -LittleEvilAngel
    You and I are in the same page. No pic is hot enough to get a look after a lame “hi”. Maybe I’ll go give OKCupid one more try.

  16. bobbyjensen says:

    I get messages like that from woman when my profile clearly states that I am looking for friends. You think they would even have pretended to read my profile!

  17. recklessstudio says:

    HAHA see, that’s where I have to say you are giving them more credit than you should, only because of their age. Age is just a way of letting us know how long we have been alive. Has ZERO connection to maturity and other elements that people “assume” others have just because of their age.

    On another note, I met the CEO of OKCupid last month and he’s a cool guy. Gave me a compelling argument as to why I should use it. I would certainly recommend it to others but like I always say, “when you have something comparable and charges a fee, you end up getting what you pay for, some of the time.” Dating services included.

  18. SINgleGIRL says:

    -bobbyjensen,
    I guess lazy and clueless and not gender specific.
    -recklessstudio
    I guess I made the silly assumption that with age came a little bit of experience. My mistake. And like I said before, I was impressed with OKCupid’s overall site- just not their user base – for my demographic.

  19. Kelly Watson | Womenwise Marketing says:

    Looks like you’ve just identified a great work-at-home business opp! Coaching for online dating losers. Or perhaps they just need a good copywriter? Have them call me :)

  20. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Kelly Watson,
    If only I were a business person or good at marketing myself. I’ve thought of it often, but alas I’m just a lowly writer.

  21. The one and only Bob says:

    Hey.