Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Dryspells Suck – aka Who Can You Count On (Redux)?

My last was a couple of years ago (that seems about right, my longtime readers will recall my mentioning that I have a horrible sense of time – I can’t always remember when things heppened – a year ago, two years, three years).  We met at an upscale bar not far from my apartment.  He was a couple years younger than me, but other than that just like all of the other guys I usually date:  handsome, successful, smart, blah, bah, blah.  And I wan’t looking for a boyfriend.  I was a month or two out of relationship and not particularly interested in rushing into another one.  So picking up some hot, younger guy in a bar didn’t seem like a bad idea.  In fact, it seemed like exactly what I needed.

After a couple drinks he mentioned going back to his place and then mentioned where he lived.  It was a (very nice) doorman building just a couple blocks from where we were and well, it was winter and cold and I did the quick safety calculation in my head – if he turned out to be a creep I’d rather not have him know where I lived (I don’t have a doorman) and he wouldn’t do anything to upset his precious neighbors like raping and killing me in the middle of the night as that would be noisy (yeah, I know, not necessarily…).  So we went back to his place and everything was fine. That’s it, fine.  For a guy who clearly spent hours each week in the gym (and yes, he looked great naked) he was pretty unimpressive in bed.  Not bad.  But just fne.  If he were my boyfriend I would totally learn to live with it and not even complain and I’m sure we’d find ways to make it better together.  But as a one night stand he was kind of a disappointment.

I got up and got dressed just as soon we were done (he asked me to stay, I declined) and he asked for my number.  I gave it to him.  I’m not sure why.  OK, that’s a lie.  At that moment I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t be interested in seeing him again.

Anyway, him called a couple of days later and I blew him off. When it comes to casual , fine isn’t good enough for me.  If is all a guy has to offer me, it better be rock my world amazing, not just fine.

This is on my mind today because I’m in the midst of what promises to be a dry spell (I ended things with Mr. Potential right after New Year’s Eve and tha debaucle with The Musician a couple of weeks ago so doesn’t count as sex) and my fuck buddies are being unreliable - AGAIN.  Too busy with work, travelling or dating someone or whatever.  It’s an issue.  I don’t like celibacy.  Not one bit.  And I don’t think it’s healthy for me.

Dammit.

Dryspells Suck   aka Who Can You Count On (Redux)? sex i am not a role model  button1 addthis


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9 to “Dryspells Suck – aka Who Can You Count On (Redux)?”


  1. Teifion says:

    It could be an awful lot worse but that’s not the key thing. The key thing is “what are you going to do about this?”.

  2. Singlegal says:

    I hear you on the dry spell. Sadly, my experience is the more I try to “force” things (IE _ find someone to fill *that* need) the worse the sex. Now always – but mostly. Then I stat to think my standards are too high for performance factors. And then I think – well – I’m not going to lower them! Anyway, I’m a ramblin’, but hang in here. I hear you.

  3. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Teifion,
    “Do about this?” I have no effing clue. Hence the post. I really don’t want to go looking for some new casual thing or fuck buddy. It’s not actually that easy to find someone I’m super compatible with for just casual sex. And so I fear I will have to adjust. Or maybe not…
    -Singlegal
    I can tell by your rambling that you completely get it. There is so clear, concise way to talk about this. Or, if there is, I haven’t found it.

  4. Alex Shalman says:

    I guess this is pretty personal, but then again, you get pretty personal, then again, you’re anonymous, but then again — I can’t really relate, since I haven’t had a dry spell in the last 8 years, and I’m 24. On the other hand, whenever getting out of a seriously relationship, standards do momentarily drop. You want to fill that intimacy gap as you go through emotional withdrawal. You get over that hump and you’re fine (no pun intended).

  5. cjw666 says:

    Like I said once before in reply to another of your posts – sex may not be all that important in the great scheme of things, but lack of it is a fucking disaster! (pun intended).

    That said, I’m sure all will be well soon, as you’re clearly not one to take these things lying down … I mean… er… Oh hell, you know what I mean, don’t you? :)

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Alex Shalman
    I guess you can say that my dryspell is party a matter of choice. That’s what I was trying to get across. I could get laid, but the quality wouldn’t be there. And I don’t really want to put up with a drop in quality, even momentarily. I’ve gotten kind of picky in my old age. I know what I like and what I want and don’t want to settle, even in the short term. No judgments on anyone else’s choices.
    -cjw666
    “the lack of it is a fucking disaster” – That’s what I should’ve said.

  7. Myst says:

    awww SingleGirl. I’m going to be on a dry spell myself until April :( but hey the fiance will be back then and I have a lot to make up for :D

  8. DC Dating Diva says:

    Oh, you know all too well, I’ve been here…and the biggest problem is, you don’t want to recycle booty…I’m sorry hun. I’d say try a toy store to get you through the rough patch, but that could just be more annoying… GOOD LUCK

  9. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Myst,
    See that doesn’t count as a dryspell as you now exactly when it’s going to end. That’s just a gap in the action, honey. Congrats, btw!!!!!
    -DC Dating Diva,
    I KNOW. It’s not like I “can’t get laid”. I can get laid any night I want. But I want quality sex. And that’s a bit more challenging. Ugh.