So, the other day I got a lovely message from a reader. In the message he said that he found it odd that I never mentioned any female friends in my posts. It wasn’t a criticism. He was just remarking on it.
Well, it got me to thinking. I know I mention friends sometimes, and I guess when I do I tend to mention male friends almost exclusively. There’s a reason for this, and it’s not because I’m one of those women who doesn’t have any women friends.
I do have women friends. My friends probably break down equally, with as many of them being women as men. It’s just that I don’t see much of the women anymore. I am, quite frankly, the last single girl standing. Everyone else is married (or engaged – one of them is “just” engaged, which is essentially the same thing as married but add in completely overwhelmed with planning a wedding).
And a strange thing happens when all of your friends get married and start having kids. You stop seeing them as much, if ever. And when you do see them you end up talking a lot about the kids and their houses and husbands. The worlds of married people. It’s not that they’re not interested in my life, they are. I’m just saying that a giant gulf opens up between friends when one of them stays single. And it makes it hard to stay close.
I do have single guy friends. And so I’m more likely to hang out with them. Or even just call them to chat about my day/week/world. Because those gulfs don’t exist.
That was one of the things that rang the most false to me about Sex and the City. I had a really hard time buying those 4 women all being friends and as close as they were for as long as they were, even after people started getting married and having kids. I know it was just a show and compressed time and they frequently threw in a line about how they hadn’t seen each other in over a week. But in my experience, married women hang out with married women and moms with moms.
I’ve seen my women friends peeled off one by one over the years as they’ve joined their new social groups. I’m not mad about this. I understand that it’s just one of the strange ways that our world works. Maybe it’s a New York thing and things are different in other places? I don’t know. But like I said, I’m not mad about it. I do miss the women in my life sometimes, though. Having them around more often would probably be good for me.
Tags: nyc, satc, single, Women