So I now have most of the 30+ guys who are in my “active match” group on Chemistry.com in a holding pattern. I’d delete them but I can’t just delete them. To get rid of them I’d need to give the system a reason why and quite frankly I just don’t feel like doing that.
I will, however, tell you why I’m not moving forward with them.
They fucked up the short answer questions. You see, Chemistry.com works on these graduated stages of communication. The third stage is short answer questions. You pick 2 questions, the guy picks 2, you read each other’s answers and then decide whether or not you wish to move forward.
And almost all of them failed. Some failed for the most pathetic and obvious reason of all – lack of effort/stupidity (OK – maybe those are 2 reasons). If a guy’s answers are riddled with typos, misspelled words and poor grammar then this tells me he’s oblivious and doesn’t care enough to use spell check/grammar check. I kind of feel a little sorry for these guys and a part of me wants to send them little notes suggesting that they shape up if they ever want to date a woman of any quality.
The majority failed because of their actual answers. Now, I didn’t pick deep, meaningful questions and I wasn’t looking to hear anything specific from them (for example, some guys choose questions about music or movies to assess similarities in taste – I didn’t go that route). I chose one relatively serious question and one silly question. The guys who failed failed because they couldn’t roll with it. They couldn’t give an honest, earnest, serious answer to the serious question (instead, giving me half-assed sarcasm) or taking the silly question way too seriously.
OK – I guess I’m being vague here. I’ll give you one of my questions (there was a list of about 10 to choose from, I didn’t bother making up my own). My silly question was: “What are your guilty pleasures?” I really didn’t care what a guy answered as long as he admitted to some vice. Well at least half of them gave me paragraph (usually a poorly written paragraph) about how they try not be guilty or they like to stay disciplined, etc. It’s a silly question and doesn’t warrant deep meditations on the nature of guilt.
Anyway, they get killed on the short answers. I still think this graduated communication thing is way too time consuming, but it does seem to provide a lot of opportunities to eliminate the non-starters.
Tags: chemistry.com, Online dating