Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Day 5 – Online Dating for Dummies?

Phew.  I’m on Day 5 of my current quest to unearth the secrets of success.  OK, screw that.  I’m on Day 5 of my assessment of a few of the services that I wasn’t using before and will probably never use again.  Here’s the latest:

- I received a few messages from men I’d never in a million years go out with. I tried doing another pretty comprehensive search of their member base to see if maybe I was being too judgemental in my initial assessment, but no, I wasn’t.  They just don’t have any guys on there in my demographic/area who I’d be interested in.  Decent service but not for me.

– I awoke Saturday morning to an email box full of messages from eHarmony.  It seems they had lot of members who wanted to meet me.  I guess I prompted some kind of action when I updated my pics. So, as I’d promised myself I would play along I logged onto their service to try to check these guys out.  Well, as someone using the free trial membership I couldn’t actually check them out.  I could only see part of their profile.  And, guess what, that part didn’t include the picture.

I have, on occasion and on other sites, replied to men who didn’t post pictures but who said they would send them later.  I understand that some people have jobs that make them feel weird about posting their photos.  But in this case there was no way I was going to waste any time communicating with eHarmony’s members without seeing them first.  The couple of guys I met on eHarmony my last time around were total losers.  Actually, that’s too polite.  They were the kind of guys that losers look to and think, well at least I’m better off than him.

So I sent a nasty email to eHarmony’s customer service (which, by the way, took me 5 minutes to figure out how to do – I hate when they hide that info).  I told them to immediately discontinue sending me emails and that included information about future sales and free introductory weekends as their service was pathetic (not actually the way I phrased it, but you get the idea).

24 hours later and my email box was still filling up with emails from them about potential new matches and so I clicked on one of them and replied to the address you can contact for urgent business or whatever. My second message was probably even less polite as they replied the second time with a generic, “we’re sorry you decided to discontinue service” and I haven’t received anything from them since.  I just keep wondering over and over, why are they so popular (no means of a realstic test drive before you purchase, high prices, plenty of competitors, poor customer service, lots of dissatisfied customers)?  Are people really that desperate?  Or stupid?

- is still proving to be a giant time suck.  I’m asked to review about 10-25 potential guys a day.  I have to give them all a yea or nea.  This takes about 30 seconds each.  Additionally, I currently have 34 guys in my “active match” pool.  These are men who I am in one of the 4 stages of communication with.  Some of the stages are tedious, others just take a lot of time.  Honestly, I’m just keeping some of the guys in a holding pattern because they’ve said something seriously stupid in one of the short answer questions.  Others haven’t gotten back to me in days.  Whatever, it’s all very time consuming.  I guess if I were super picky in my inital assessments and only let 1/10 of the guys into the active match stage then it wouldn’t be that time consuming. And honestly, if I were using it for real and not to write about, most of these guys wouldn’t have made it through.  They are not the creme de la creme of the NYC area eligible bachelors.

Of these three services, this is the only one I’d consider using, but it’s wicked expensive so I’ll be killing it on Wed when my free trial is nearing it’s end.  It’s OK – but not worth more than a few dollars a month and certainly not what they’re charging for it.

There are still several other services I plan on trying and writing about.  I’ll get around to them just as soon as I finish up my trial with Chemistry.  Until then, I just don’t have the time.


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8 to “Day 5 – Online Dating for Dummies?”


  1. starangel82 says:

    eHarmony sucks. I’ve mentioned this before. I still stand by that statement. It is quite literally a waste of money. I have never tried OKCupid or Chemistry.com. I know Chemisty.com is an off-shoot of match.com. I haven’t been very impressed by match.com so I figured Chemisty.com couldn’t be that much better. Maybe I’ll look into both of those next time I am ready to try the online dating thing again.

  2. BiblioMom says:

    Yep, I totally agree on the eHarmony sucking. Plus the whole communication gauntlet it annoying to me. Match.com usually makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth. I’ve never tried the other services but I gave up after my last interlude with eHarmony.

  3. FitDarcie says:

    eHarmony is the WORST dating service out there. I’ve done them all, and I HATE eHarmony. Also, the e-mails will start to slow down eventually when the men run out. There are more women on there than men, so men love it, but it sucks balls for women.

  4. derek7272 says:

    I have found the best site in terms of quality/number of the ladies on it here in NYC is actually … Jdate. I had a profile up on there last spring and had maybe 200 or so profile views in just two weeks. 448 since I joined around a year ago. Compared to maybe 40 profile views on nerve in last 30 days and about 50 on okcupid in past six months.

    The jdate girls were very smart, well-educated, pretty girls too, as you might expect here in da city. Okay some were put off when on reading my profile I said I’m not actually Jewish. But — don’t kill me here — I tend for whatever reason to date a number of Jewish girls and my longest and in some respects most successful relationship (3 1/2 years) was with a “member of the tribe.” So, I just thought I would try it. (Went on a couple first dates & met two girls I rather liked (a lawyer and a doctor) and dated short-term but neither worked out but for reasons for that had nothing to do with me not being Jewish) I think around 5-10% of the people on there aren’t Jewish. Also i think the male/female ratio on jdate is close to 50-50 (probably much better in manhattan), compared to the others where there’s many more men.

  5. RVASarah says:

    Try plentyoffish.com. It’s free and simple.

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    So we’re agreed – eHarmony is evil and there is absolutely no reason for people to give them any more money! So glad to here that.
    -starangel82,
    My advice, for what it’ worth, before sending anyone any money or even wasting the time to fully set up a profile is do everything you can to assess the demographic pool you’d be interested in. A service is only as good it’s members.
    -Bibliomom
    I’ve also didn’t like Match. But I know people in other places who did. I’ll give them a new whirl just as soon as I can get to them. The Match pool and the Chemistry are different, I think.
    -FitDarcie
    You and I are on the same page, hun.
    -derek7272
    I’ve heard several people sing the praises of JDate and so last year I gave it a try. I kind of hated it. But then, it’s all about taste. People like who they like. And just as you shouldn’t have to apologize to anyone for liking nice Jewish girls, I shouldn’t have to apologize to anyone for not liking nice Jewish boys (it’s a generalization and of course I don’t dislike ALL Jewish men, but I specifically don’t date Drs or Lawyers or momma’s boys).
    -RVASarah
    I promise – plentyoffish will be up next.

  7. EJae says:

    Girl, I applaud you for trying the online dating thing. Even in this day in age where “everyone” is doing it, I just can’t get into it.

  8. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Ejae
    I’ve said it many times before – it definitely isn’t for everyone. However, I want people to get over whatever fears or taboos they have related to it. It’s so not a big deal.