Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Short and Sweet

Last night’s date with The GrownUP was fun.  He and I get along really well.  Nonstop smiling and laughing.  We’re like old friends.

And yet there doesn’t seem to be any romantic/sexual between us.  No spark.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think so.  I’ve been down this road before. Too many times.  FUCK!!!  I’ve been down just about every road too many times.

We shared a completely chaste goodnight , the obligatory kind.  It depressed the hell out of me.  In fact, I’ve been depressed ever since.  I keep thinking of a conversation I had with a good friend of mine, years ago.  It went something like this.

Me, “Why can’t I ever have decent ?”

Friend, “Because you only date assholes.”

It was true, then.  I had a habit of dating the same -type guy over and over.  I’ve done a lot of work on myself since then, and I really thought I was over that.  Really thought I was capable of finding decent men attractive.  I mean, the thing I found SO attractive about Mr. Potential was that he seemed so decent (at first, and then I fixated on it…).  But what if I’m wrong.  What if I’m still only capable of falling for self-involved, arrogant, immature jerks who will hurt me and not even care about the damage that they do to my life. What if that’s my destiny?  What if that’s why there’s no spark with The GrownUp – because he’s too good for me?

So, suffice it to say I didn’t sleep last night.  I was actually crying as I walked to work this morning, behind my dark sunglasses.  Maybe I’m just tired and need a little break from dating (like a week or two?).  Ugh.

I just hate this feeling.


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14 to “Short and Sweet”


  1. CHFBrian says:

    Sorry you had a rough night after a decent date. Is it that you don’t find nice guys exciting enough? Where’s the missing spark?

  2. Teifion says:

    I read a book called “How to win friends an influence people”, one piece of advice I think you would benefit from from the book is that if you want to feel happy, act it. If you force yourself to act happy then you will become so. I can attest that this is true, if you want to find decent people attractive then you can if you put your mind to it.

    On the other side of the coin, what do you find attractive and possibly, why?

  3. tommytrc says:

    Maybe its not the people or the places..maybe it’s the approach. Does the quantity over quality get in the way? When you date so many at once, does the static get in the way? Dating needs ups and downs and sometimes chemistry takes time to mature… Crying as you walk to work is a sure sign something isn’t right. That hurts to read actually…I would to a top down look at the whole thing. I know its easy to put all the blame on the guys, but are they being set up to fail before they even get a first or return date? You rock none the less!

  4. derek7272 says:

    Yeah, I kind of agree with Teifion. I don’t blame you for feeling bummed, but thinking it’s “your destiny” to be miserable is just ridiculous! But it will turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy if you let it … give yourself a hard slap to the face for thinking like that. Maybe you’ve been doing something wrong in your approach to dating, maybe not (kind of hard to diagnose over a blog), but even if so it’s a fixable problem.

    Like if you seriously, honestly think the reason you’re not attracted to the Grownup is because he’s a good guy, just get some therapy and solve whatever issue it is that causes you to be that way. Seriously… none of this destiny crap! you deserve to be happy!

    p.s. i will likely stop by this “twestival” thingee for a least a little bit, will send you a DM when I get there..

  5. winst says:

    I also agree with Teifion on this fact (if you want to find decent people attractive then you can if you put your mind to it.) I guess another way to say “put your mind to it” is “Commitment” and that entails considering the other person as human they have faults ,make mistake just like you do so give them a chance and you will fine the real man you are looking for in one.Good Luck

  6. bobbyjensen says:

    “Really thought I was capable of finding decent men attractive.”-
    I think many times in the past I’ve heard people say (to me also) maybe it’s you. I think sometimes that it can be us, but more times that it’s a part of us that we may need to work on. I quoted the above just as an example.-
    I’m honest here to try and be helpful.

  7. derek7272 says:

    This post is encouraging me to be more of a dick to the girls I date.

  8. CHFBrian says:

    Indeed. Now I wonder if I’m not enough of an asshole.

  9. cjw666 says:

    I know you (and a lot of other people) probably won’t accept or believe this, but I’ve always thought that, unless you’re that rarity who’s lucky enough to meet that one VERY special someone, then a lot of people (of both sexes) really need two different partners – one for the real world and one to fuck!

    You’re certainly not unique in this, since most women seem to be sexually attracted to the assholes (because they are more exciting????) and yet they love the stable nice guys who often just don’t really do it for them in bed.

    Still, I hope I’m wrong and, above all, I’m really glad you enjoyed each other’s company – even if that did lead to grief later.

  10. Susan Walsh says:

    Great post about this topic on Jon Ray’s blog – check it out, he’s a funny guy:
    http://whoisjonray.com/2008/12/24/on-being-a-nice-guy/

    Susan Walsh
    http://www.HookingUpSmart.com

  11. Sexorcism says:

    I think that you have had several consecutive disappointments, and now you’re tired and maybe a little bit numb.

  12. SINgleGIRL says:

    Thank you everyone for your support and feedback. I’m not really up to saying much more than that tonight. I hope to be in better spirits soon.

  13. Shannia says:

    my bff had something similar happen lately. She was dating a lot of men at once, and discarding them for superficial reasons. One cancelled last minute, one wasn’t social enough to her friends one night, one guy didn’t pick up the bill, one paid the bill and even put oil in her car when she gazed but didnt kiss her goodnite the way she wanted, all silly reason because at the end of the day, she was scared to be dumped and hurt so it was easier to multi-date then really show her feelings.
    I am one to date one man at a time, for a period of time, I won’t try to meet other men if I am dating someone because the grass is always greener on the other side and I am afraid I’ll date the rest of my life and never settle down. Well I feel I find more quality men then she does. My theory: Men feel it when you’re giving all your attention to them and they have the main focus of your dating life (as we women do) and it makes a different in the way they treath you.
    Then again I could be wrong, but I am seing someone pretty awesome right now while she’s dating a bunch of nobody’s.

  14. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Shannia,
    I’m going to guess you haven’t read too many of my posts. If you had you’d know that I too believe in seeing one guy at a time – once I find someone I’d like to be my bf (until then it’s just aggressive shopping). I usually make that decision by the 3rd or 4th date (basically, if they pass the sex test – if a guy is bad in bed then there is no point in moving forward from there). This is what I did this fall with Mr. Potential. I abruptly stopped seeing everyone else and committed myself wholeheartedly to trying to make it work, even though he was not as gung-ho (and my regular readers know how that ended). So as someone new to my blog (again, I am assuming you are as you saying things that have nothing to do with me or the recent dating history that I’ve written about here – just your own assumptions) you wouldn’t know that I haven’t been discarding guys left and right for superficial reasons but rather been going out of my way to give guys second chances. The GrownUp cancelled on me twice and I continued to pursue him as an option. I could go on, but my point is that you have no relevant point.

    As for everyone else – EVERYONE – thanks again. I realized sometime late last night that I was overreacting in the extreme and just playing my latest round of the self blame game. It’s one of my favorite games.

    I can’t think of a singe “bad boy” who I’ve found even moderately attractive in the last couple of years (I can think of a couple of men I thought were kind, and generous and wonderful who turned out to be otherwise, but I don’t think I could’ve known that when we met). Most of the traits I find attractive nowadays are traits that are exclusively found in nice guys (kindness, empathy, generousity…). I understand why some women like bad boys and know why I did when I was younger but I really am over that.

    Anyway, there was something much more profound going on that prompted my depression and tears and hopefully I’ll be able to bring myself to write about it sometime this weekend.