In the comments section to yesterday’s post, Teifion wrote, “I do find it interesting that you talk about how nice it is to have good relationships then take sexual ability so seriously. I’m well aware that everybody wants to have their cake and eat it but sometimes you can’t eat the whole cake. Why is sexual ability so important to you (feel free to ignore that if you’d rather not answer it)?” BTW, if you read my blog but skip the comment threads, you really are missing out on a lot of the fun.
I promised him an answer and here is my attempt to give it to him.
It matters to me. A lot. There was a time in my life when I tried to pretend it didn’t. When I tried to pretend that a relationship with someone with whom I was compatible in every other way was enough. But after a few months of that I was completely miserable (and so was he). We both needed more. We needed the cake, too. Maybe this is the “how can you keep em down on the farm after they’ve seen Paris syndrome”. I’ve been sexually active for a lot of years now. I know what I like, what makes me happy and what makes me unhappy and discontented. Having known happiness, it’s hard to just pretend it doesn’t or can’t exist and live without it.
Sometimes it’s not so much about abilty (thought ability is an important component) but what makes each person feel good. I’m sure I won’t be shocking anyone here when I say that not everyone has the same sexual desires, the same preferences and kinks. I can’t fit with every guy. I just can’t. And it’s a trial and error thing.
I wish I could just say, oh well, I can live without that part of my life being in harmony. I know people who do. I have friends who’ve openly admitted to having completely dysfunctional sexual relationships with their chosen mates. But I know myself. I can’t do it. I tried and I couldn’t make it past a few months. Honestly, sex is just too important to me. The best I could do is agree to an open relationship (something I am comfortable with, but let’s not get sidetracked here) and get my satisfaction elsewhere. But for now I’m still hoping that I can find what I’m looking for all in one package. I know that there are plenty of cynics out there who think I’m being naive. I’m just not ready to give up yet.
Tags: open relationship, sex