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I Am Officially Too Old For Games

I am officially too old for games.

Really.  I am.  This isn’t a chronological thing.  It’s a state of mind.  And my mind is made up.  I. AM TOO. DAMN. OLD. FOR GAMES.

I know there are people who think that is really one big game.  And that in this game there are winners and losers.  The winners have the most, best dates with the coolest, hottest people.  Maybe they end up married with a house and a couple of cars and a white picket fence (I guess it depends which version of the game they’re playing).  I don’t know.  I really try not to pay too much attention to all of those game players.  On a good day they make me laugh.  Let’s not talk about  the rest of the days.  I don’t want to go there.

Last week I had a really great with a man I nicknamed The GrownUp.  We had fun, talking and laughing and well, it was just nice.  I’m not going to say that the chemistry was off the charts or anything like that.  Just that it was a really nice date.  I was looking forward to seeing him again.  We pretty much immediately made plans to get together again, and then he cancelled.  He had a legit excuse and I chose to not read anything into it.  Adults have responsibilities.  I date adults.  Sometimes dating has to take a back seat to everything else that’s going on in our lives.  We exchanged some emails during the week and then he went silent.  My last email ended with, “are we still on for this weekend?  Saturday?”  I am pretty busy this weekend and my time was booking up ( with a new guy who I’ve been exchanging email with for a couple of weeks on Sunday afternoon and then my 3rd date with The Musician on Sunday night PLUS some family stuff).  After 48 hours I felt like the time limit was just about up on that email.  His no reply seemed like a “no” to me.

Now, there were several ways I could’ve handled this.  But first, some more info.  The night we met was rainy and cold.  It had been raining all day.  I’d been rained on several times.  I was hoping to have a chance to rewash my hair and get all dolled up but the day got away from me.  Instead of  the “date” me showing up, he got to see me in a pony tail and a bulky sweater and somewhat unflattering pants.  The date me’s less cute sister.  So I’ve been feeling like I didn’t  make my usual effort at this date.  In fact, I can’t remember the last time I put so little effort into my appearance for a date.  I guess it was because I was thinking, in advance, that he seemed nice – but maybe too nice and that I’d been down that road a few too many times in recent  memory.

Anyway, I could’ve handled his no reply a bunch of ways.  I could’ve just ignored it and waited to see if he ever replied.   If I never heard from him again I could’ve just shrugged it off.  That would have been the cool girl thing to do.  And if he did reply sometime today or tomorrow I could’ve acted aloof, like I’d forgotten all about him.  But I don’t do aloof.   No.  I’m not a cool girl.  Not in that way.  If I like a guy or think I might like a guy I don’t want him to think I don’t give a damn.  Sorry.  I want him to know what I’m thinking/feeling.   Note – if you are a relationship/dating or a PUA., please do not write in and critique my “technique”.   I don’t have a technique.  I have a life.

Given all that, my feeling that I hadn’t made my best effort to make a good impression on our first date, that I don’t play games, that I pretty much have no patience whatsoever, I decided to email him again last night.  It was a short email.  I think the tone could best be described as quirky/fun/sincere.  I made it clear that I’d been hoping to hear back from him and was still hoping we could get together sometime.  No drama.  At least, I hope no drama.

He wrote back this morning.  He apologized for not getting back to me (OK – I did check the online dating site and he hasn’t logged in in over 2 wks which mean he’s either been really busy or seeing someone – I think, maybe) and said that Saturday wasn’t good for him but maybe Sunday or tonight.  Well, the reason I suggested Saturday was because I have plans all day Sunday.  And I told him that in an earlier email.  And – here it is – I do not want to make myself available to him tonight.  I do not see this as game playing in the least.  I have plans for the night that I could easily rearrange but I don’t want to do that for a last minute date with a man who didn’t bother replying to my emails for 2 days.  I think that would be saying, “hey, please take me for granted”.

So that’s that.  I don’t know if he’s playing games.  I hope not.  All I know is that we won’t be seeing each other this weekend and we’ve both expressed a desire to see each other again.


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9 to “I Am Officially Too Old For Games”


  1. Teifion says:

    I’ve been meaning to do this for a while.

    FIRST!!!!!!!!

    Hope for the best and plan for the worst. If he’s legit and isn’t playing a silly game then great, no harm done by preparing yourself for the worst. If however it’s another setback then preparation helps.

    On the assumption that he is a jerk (yes I know I normally take a more positive angle) then… just get over it. I don’t mean that in a “you are pathetic, man up you wimp” kind of way though. I mean it in a “you just have to not be held back by it and just remember it as a lesson”.

    Of course, here’s to hoping that he’s a great guy and that things go well :)

  2. jamy.barab says:

    Well, this is where the Dr. Phil point comes in. You are showing him that you won’t rearrange your schedule for him and that he needs to be more considerate or he won’t get to see you. Good for you for putting it in practice. Not sure if I could!

  3. Savoree LeDesir says:

    I think you did the right thing. He probably really likes you, but he is also probably seeing someone else he likes and is trying to figure out whether that relationship is going to work or not.

    Now that you’ve been straightforward with him, I’d just leave it at that, and see if he initiates and follows through on another date. There’s a good chance he will. If not – no big deal. He wasn’t right for you, anyway.

  4. derek7272 says:

    that’s the problem about not playing games, you don’t get a sense of how into you the other person is. Like would he have emailed you eventually if you didn’t email him twice? Or is he just semi-interested and only responding because you expressed an interest? So tricky. My advice is just be chill and see if he follows through.

  5. bobbyjensen says:

    Never understood games, never want to. I have no problem at all with what you posted here.

  6. recklessstudio says:

    I personally don’t see anything wrong with what YOU are doing. Yeah, he may be busy but what I don’t understand is this. If people are looking for something special with someone and are legitimately interested, wouldn’t you want to show SOME effort. Why wait for let time pass before you make the next move?

    Clearly, I am talking about this guy. If he continues this then you know you don’t have to put up with it.

    Wish guys would stop being flaky…then they wonder why women are flaky to them…

  7. cjw666 says:

    He has “issues” in his life, if I recall and that may be forcing him to attend to the fact. No sweat – as you say, you’re adults. Alternatively, he may be doing something similar to what you’re doing and seeing someone else that he’s not sure about and simply doesn’t want to know what to do. Or it may be something else…

    Whatever, for what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing – you let him know he should have replied to your email, you showed interest without being “needy” and now you’ll have to wait and see. I agree with those who say, chill now and see what happens.

    One thing, though, I get the feeling you are really beating yourself up somewhat for not making more effort to be your more physically desirable alter ego on the first date. I know it’s not a game, but you need to feel in your heart that you’ve given yourself the best shot at winning that you can, don’t you? So, I imagine you won’t do that again, will you?

  8. cjw666 says:

    Sorry, part of that first para should read – “and simply doesn’t know what to do.”

    My typing’s getting worse!!!

  9. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Teifion,
    You did it!! I don’t think you’re wrong and I have been preparing for the worst ever since he canceled our 2nd date. But, you know, hoping I’m wrong and that he’s not a jerk.
    -jamy.barab
    Thanks so much for joining the conversation. Yes, this is where the “teach others how to treat you” comes in. And it was hard. Because I would’ve liked to just say, “sure I can make that happen” and then met him for dinner last night. But I know better. Now.
    -Savoree LeDesir.
    Oooh, welcome. And thank you. I feel like it was the right thing to do. And there have been developments since I posted last night. You were right.
    -derek7272
    Oh, I had absolutely no intention of doing another thing. The ball was completely in his court. And he’s made his intentions clear. At least, for now.
    -bobbyjensen,
    Thank darling. Had a feeling you and I might see eye to eye on this one.
    -recklessstudion,
    I don’t get it either. But I was/am willing to cut him some slack because I know he has a lot on his plate at work. Like I said, I date adults and adults have lots of responsibilities. But it’s something that annoys the hell out of me.
    -cjw66,
    Yes, the fact that I showed up looking kind of shabby was weighing on me. It’s not about winning, it’s about showing effort. I get all pissed off when guys show up looking like they didn’t make any effort and then I went and did the same thing. Not OK. And so, yeah, I need to make sure that I don’t get so busy that I let that happen again.