I am officially too old for games.
Really. I am. This isn’t a chronological thing. It’s a state of mind. And my mind is made up. I. AM TOO. DAMN. OLD. FOR GAMES.
I know there are people who think that dating is really one big game. And that in this game there are winners and losers. The winners have the most, best dates with the coolest, hottest people. Maybe they end up married with a house and a couple of cars and a white picket fence (I guess it depends which version of the game they’re playing). I don’t know. I really try not to pay too much attention to all of those game players. On a good day they make me laugh. Let’s not talk about the rest of the days. I don’t want to go there.
Last week I had a really great first date with a man I nicknamed The GrownUp. We had fun, talking and laughing and well, it was just nice. I’m not going to say that the chemistry was off the charts or anything like that. Just that it was a really nice date. I was looking forward to seeing him again. We pretty much immediately made plans to get together again, and then he cancelled. He had a legit excuse and I chose to not read anything into it. Adults have responsibilities. I date adults. Sometimes dating has to take a back seat to everything else that’s going on in our lives. We exchanged some emails during the week and then he went silent. My last email ended with, “are we still on for this weekend? Saturday?” I am pretty busy this weekend and my time was booking up (First date with a new guy who I’ve been exchanging email with for a couple of weeks on Sunday afternoon and then my 3rd date with The Musician on Sunday night PLUS some family stuff). After 48 hours I felt like the time limit was just about up on that email. His no reply seemed like a “no” to me.
Now, there were several ways I could’ve handled this. But first, some more info. The night we met was rainy and cold. It had been raining all day. I’d been rained on several times. I was hoping to have a chance to rewash my hair and get all dolled up but the day got away from me. Instead of the “date” me showing up, he got to see me in a pony tail and a bulky sweater and somewhat unflattering pants. The date me’s less cute sister. So I’ve been feeling like I didn’t make my usual effort at this date. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I put so little effort into my appearance for a date. I guess it was because I was thinking, in advance, that he seemed nice – but maybe too nice and that I’d been down that road a few too many times in recent memory.
Anyway, I could’ve handled his no reply a bunch of ways. I could’ve just ignored it and waited to see if he ever replied. If I never heard from him again I could’ve just shrugged it off. That would have been the cool girl thing to do. And if he did reply sometime today or tomorrow I could’ve acted aloof, like I’d forgotten all about him. But I don’t do aloof. No. I’m not a cool girl. Not in that way. If I like a guy or think I might like a guy I don’t want him to think I don’t give a damn. Sorry. I want him to know what I’m thinking/feeling. Note – if you are a relationship/dating expert or a PUA., please do not write in and critique my “technique”. I don’t have a technique. I have a life.
Given all that, my feeling that I hadn’t made my best effort to make a good impression on our first date, that I don’t play games, that I pretty much have no patience whatsoever, I decided to email him again last night. It was a short email. I think the tone could best be described as quirky/fun/sincere. I made it clear that I’d been hoping to hear back from him and was still hoping we could get together sometime. No drama. At least, I hope no drama.
He wrote back this morning. He apologized for not getting back to me (OK – I did check the online dating site and he hasn’t logged in in over 2 wks which mean he’s either been really busy or seeing someone – I think, maybe) and said that Saturday wasn’t good for him but maybe Sunday or tonight. Well, the reason I suggested Saturday was because I have plans all day Sunday. And I told him that in an earlier email. And – here it is – I do not want to make myself available to him tonight. I do not see this as game playing in the least. I have plans for the night that I could easily rearrange but I don’t want to do that for a last minute date with a man who didn’t bother replying to my emails for 2 days. I think that would be saying, “hey, please take me for granted”.
So that’s that. I don’t know if he’s playing games. I hope not. All I know is that we won’t be seeing each other this weekend and we’ve both expressed a desire to see each other again.
Tags: dating, Dating update, expert, first date, pick-up artist