Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

The Grinch

Just go ahead and call me the Grinch.  That’s the way I feel when it comes to Valentine’s Day.

This isn’t about being single or not having a Valentine.  For all I know things are going to go amazingly well with The Musician this weekend and then we’ll see each other several times over next week and we’ll be in the early stages of a bona fide relationship by then (it could happen).  And I’ve had a boyfriend on other V Days (I prefer V day, btw, as V on it’s own usually stands for something naughty or shameful).

No, I just think it’s a horrible holiday.  I remember being in elementary school and the way the teacher would set aside time for all of the kids to hand out their cards to one another.  Then everyone would sit and count their cards.  And the one with the most cards won.  It had nothing to do with love or friendship.  It was just another way to reinforce the pecking order.

And then as we get older, people are told that the way you are treated on this one day a year is symbolic of how your partner feels about you.  Roses/chocolate/jewelry means you are cared for.  Nothing means you’re not.  Well, I think that’s a load of crap.  I’d rather have a guy who treats me well (with kindness and respect) year round but blows off V day than someone who treats me poorly and then tries to make up for it with fancy gifts.

I probably won’t have a date that night, regardless of my relationship status.  Too much damn pressure.  And, I don’t need a guide to help me survive the day.  I’d just like to get on with the rest of the month, thank you very much.


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15 to “The Grinch”


  1. Teifion says:

    Of course it’s a load of crap. If I ever find somebody with little enough sense to go out with me then I won’t be taking them out somewhere on Valentines day, heck I’d probably forget all about it because, it is as meaningless as you say.

  2. recklessstudio says:

    Well, you certainly are not the only one that hates this day. I used to love V-Day – until it hit me how much pressure there was on me to keep one-upping myself and no matter what I do it probably won’t be good enough – which would lead to a sequence of terrible times afterward. The expectations are way too high. So, ever since I left high school, I pretty much stopped making V-Day such a big deal. I personally think it’s better that way. Why do we need ONE day to show our love when we have another 364 days to do it? I’d rather do well 364 days then do great for ONE day. Just my opinion.

    Although I must say that there are people out there who love V-Day, there are some when this time brings bad memories for them. I don’t see any problem in providing ways to help get through what could be a bad time for them. Sometimes, it’s not about not having a date or a relationship. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of being alone, period.

    You know what I am doing on V-Day? Taking my dad out to dinner. The 15th is his birthday and he has to work that night so I’m gonna hang with him most of the day. Am I going to go out afterwards, or am I going to have a date? I dunno. Maybe. But like you pretty much stated above, it’s not that important. It’s just another day – for us.

    For others, it may not be the same case.

    Regardless of all that, I hope you have a good time on that day, just like any other day.

  3. starangel82 says:

    I remember being in school and everyone had to bring cards. That way no one got left out. Which in a small way is nice because no one got their feelings hurt. At the same time, you have little kids thinking you always get tons of cards on Valentine’s Day. Crushing when you get older.

    I just treat Valentine’s Day like any other day with the exception that I send my parents and my grandmother a little ‘love you bunches’ card. You could always follow one of my good friends example: celebrate the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. :P (I have strange friends, I know.)

  4. Shawn Smith says:

    I feel the same way. I won’t be celebrating V Day this year either. I’ve done enough for potentials to the point that I don’t want to do anything and will be surprised if anyone does anything for me.

    The other thing was that it was my Ex’s and my anniversary and break up date. Four years exactly.

    So, I agree with everyone. Why try to make the most and define how much you care for someone just on one day when you ignore the rest.

  5. This is not Teifion says:

    This is not Teifion testing out the anonymous comments system. Teifion would never do something like that.

    Would he?

  6. Anonymous says:

    You should really try a milkshake to “shake” those anti-valentines blues. Or, do as I used to do: host and Anti-Valentines Day Party, and invite only people who were single. A couple marriages resulted from these things which were wildly popular (the parties, not necessarily the weddings).

  7. cjw666 says:

    Well, St valentine’s day is historically the day on which those who admire another try their luck (semi annonymously) to tell that significant other that she (or he) is worshipped, albeit from afar. These days the commercial sector has turned into the charade you describe.

  8. Anonymous says:

    anon test

  9. jamy.barab says:

    I agree, of course. The only thing I like about V-day is that my parents still, occasionally, send me cute cards and silly presents. Got ridiculous heart covered pj from Mom this year!

    As to the enforced romance side of things, I get really upset if I think about it too much, so I try not to. Good luck when it’s freakin’ everywhere!

  10. bobbyjensen says:

    I feel the same way about many holidays or special days, like Christmas. Too many lost the meaning and have become commercialized.

    Actually, I forgot v day was coming up.

  11. hoLLy haVok says:

    Valentines Day sucks!! And yes I’m probably saying that because I’m single. I’ve never had a boyfriend on V Day, but I’m sure that I wouldn’t want a guy buying me tons of stuff just because it’s Valentines Day. It just seems so forced.
    But I have to say, I have gone out on the town with my girlfriends and I’ve always ended up having so much fun. I plan on doing that again this year and I’m looking forward to it!

  12. 20forty says:

    Ugh! I frickin’ hate Valentine’s Day. It’s just the most ridiculous holiday ever. I have had an incredibly fun girl’s night planned just for that day for awhile and am sooooo looking forward to that.

    lisaq

  13. derek7272 says:

    I don’t know. I have been lucky enough to have people to buy flowers or dinner for on the last seven or eight v-days, although I don’t think i will this year. It is sometimes fun hand-delivering flowers to a girl’s workplace. And no I didn’t feel compelled to spend a lot of money … bodega roses are cheap. Although once I did spend like $60 to get real flowers from a flower store, which were very impressive. Also just a certificate to a spa is a nice gift.

    I agree with Holly; I think most people who say they hate Valentine’s day are just saying that because they’re unhappy being single. Really it is not a bad holiday if you have someone you want to do things for and are in a healthy relationship with.

  14. FitDarcie says:

    I absolutely agree with you. I love being along on Vday…for single people, calories don’t count on Feb 14th, so you can eat and drink all you want. Which is great because this year it’s on a Saturday. Look out Toronto. FitDarcie is on the town.

  15. SINgleGIRL says:

    Please forgive me for going out of order. I didn’t have a chance to catch up with you all last night and now I’ve fallen behind again.
    First, thank you not Teifion and everyone else who tested out the new comments system. As you can see, you no longer need to register with OnSugar to comment on my site. I know I promised this months ago, but I am just so happy that the developers and tech support here took my/our concerns seriously and figured this out for us.
    -cjw666,
    You make a good point. There is a historical basis for the holiday. But now it’s just a commerical farce and it seems to be getting bigger and crazier every year (I don’t know about where you all live, but in Manhattan the V day candy comes out the first week in January).
    -Teifion
    I have a mind to try to do some long distance matchmaking for you, dammit.
    -recklessstudio,
    I hear you and you did make me think a bit when you said you’d be spending the night with your dad. I think I will take my parent out. It will be his/her first V day without a spouse in 40 years and it will probably be hard for him/her (I know it’s weird when I do stuff like that, but I feel odd giving biographical info about myself). Yes, some peole get very lonely on that day and it’s important to respect that.
    -starangel82
    Oooh, I like the sound of that. A Valentines Day Massacre party. I could be convinced. Easily.
    -Shawn Smith
    Oh darling. I feel for you. There is nothing worse than having significant dates from relationships past (anniversaries or break up dates) fall on holidays. Been there, done that and I know that even when you really are over the relationship it feels bad.
    -jamy.barab
    Hey, thanks for joining the conversation. I still get cards from family, too. But they kind of annoy me. Not sure why. I guess I wonder if they would send me cards if I was married and think the answer would be no. And so the cards seem like pity cards.
    -hoLLy haVok and lisaQ (20forty)
    You two should absolutely go out and have fun. I used to do a girls night out thing. And I had fun with it. The reality is, I just don’t know many single women anymore. All my single friends nowadays are guys. I am the last woman standing, so to speak.
    -derek7272
    As I said, I’ve been in healthy relationships on V day. It didn’t change how I feel. I’m looking at this from a “what this does to the community I live in” view and not a “how this makes me feel” perspective. I think it sucks that a big percentage of women’s publications are writing articles about “surviving” Vday if you’re single. As if being single is an affliction (’cause I’d rather be single than in most of the relationships I see around me). And I think it’s unfair that men think they should spend ridiculous amounts of money on gifts AND that some women expect it. I just think the whole thing sucks. I feel fine. Grumpy and grouchy and cold, but fine.
    -FitDarcie
    Calories don’t count on Vday? Cool, then I’m heading out to brunch and starting the day with a double order of eggs benedict. Who’s with me?