So I’ve had this phrase/thought floating around my head for the last few days. I don’t know if I read it in someones blog or what. Early senility sucks. I wanted to write about it but I had to attribute it to someone so I googled it. It popped up in a lot of places, most notably in Dr. Phil’s life lessons. (I apologize if I am about to offend anyone, really I do.) I almost changed my idea for the post, knowing that this was something that could’ve come from the mouth of Dr, Phil (yeah, lots of other people have said it, too). I just think the guy’s a jerk. Actually, I think anyone who’s going to attempt short-term quick fix counseling with people they hardly know in front of an audience is a jerk. But what do I know?
Here’s the thought: We teach people how to treat us.
Simple enough. In theory. In practice it’s hard to modify the behavior of other people, even when you can identify the ways in which you’ve been reinforcing their poor behavior. Once those patterns are set, changing them is tough. Not impossible, just tough.
I was focused on this this Sunday when I decided not to call back probably too-young guy. He left me a message, a very casual, not at all apologetic message saying that he’d been under the weather and now that he was better he wanted to make plans to get together with me. This was 5 days since I replied to him saying, yes, I’d like to see you again.
Now, I don’t know what his deal is. He could just not be into me and so he didn’t prioritize it. Or maybe he was pulling some – I want you to realize I have more value than you – crap. Who the fuck knows. All I know is that I wasn’t all that into him in the first place and was only going to go out with him again because I figured he deserved a second chance. But not after 5 days of non-communication. That’s not the way I expect to be treated. And I just don’t think I have it in me, truth be told, to teach him how to treat me.
And when it comes down to it, I don’t know that I have the patience to teach any guy how to treat me. Little things, sure. But not the big stuff. No, I need my guys to come pre-trained.
Tags: behavior, dating, jerk, Relationships