Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

I Can Be a Sucker Sometimes, Too

So I didn’t have any dates this past weekend, which left me free to catch up with friends, do some extra writing and finish that great book I’ve been reading.  Yeah, right.  I did do some extra writing, but I also watched some absolutely awful things on television.  The type of stuff I usually read about on blogs but never actually see for myself.

Friday night I watched a “special” 20/20 called Why Him/Why Her?  It was basically an hour long commercial for Dr. Helen Fisher’s new book of the same title and (I guess she’s their love algorithm guru).  It was pretty silly and obvious and sad.  And so of course at the end of the show when they told everyone that they could go to the website and take the test discussed during the show (the one used by to match people, and btw, full disclosure – I recall doing it before when Chemistry first came on the scene but I wasn’t impressed by the test, the site or their pricing) I went and did it right away.

There are elements of the test that are completely ridiculous and others that are mildly insulting. And there are some questions that I do think are useful in the way that all of these things have some validity.  My biggest issue with these tests is that a person’s answers can vary depending on their mood (I know mine can, at least) so I just don’t know how they put anyone in a fixed category.  And I know that I must’ve been in some kind of strange and funky mood on Friday night because the category/secondary category they placed me in weren’t in line with what they were the last time and pretty different from the Myers-Briggs type assessments I’ve been through.

Whatever.  I can understand why people love the idea of these tests.  (I did eHarmony – 4 yrs ago, I think – and the few actual dates I went on were disasters.  Much worse then any guy I’ve picked out without the use of a test.   I was so disappointed.  And then I heard similar stories from several other people.) is a multimillion dollar business because most of us are sick of and at the place where we’re unsure of our own judgment.  Taking a test and then having the test match us based on “scientific” compatibility sounds a lot better than trial and error.  Heck, I’d love to believe that there was a way to know for sure who was right for me.  But I don’t.  I don’t believe. I’m not going to completely poopoo it, either.  I guess you could say I’m agnostic on this.

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6 to “I Can Be a Sucker Sometimes, Too”

  1. recklessstudio says:

    Dating online to me is just a numbers game. It is increasing your access to the opposite sex but that will just make weeding through them a lot longer and a lot harder. No one can determine who is right for you based on any algorithm.

    BUT, I believe it does help that you can find people who have some similarities with.

    Life IS trial and error.

  2. Singlegal says:

    Ha! That’s a really good point. I think that’s why I did OK Cupid first – it was “Fun”. look at all these tests! Look at all these matches! They must be for me, right? Of course, I’ve always been a believer of the “opposites attract” theory, but threw THAT one right out the window for a chance to kick back and have some matches made right up for me.
    I’m going to go and take the test, just for giggles. Thanks for posting it!

  3. starangel82 says:

    I did eHarmony once. The results were awful, if not sometimes disastrous. When I left eHarmony, my comments were something along the lines of ‘your 30 dimensions of personalized harmony have brought more disharmony to my life than if I was doing this blindfolded’. Yeah… I won’t be using them again.
    Which I sometimes wonder if the whole online dating deal isn’t a crock. They just suck up your money and keep trying to entice you with the person of your dreams. Which leads to the question, why have I online dated? Hmm… I see a blog topic coming up.
    I think recklessstudio said it best: life is trial and error.

  4. DC Dating Diva says:

    Yeah, I’ve said it before…I hate, absolutely hate online dating. I’d much rather meet a person in person by chance, at the grocery store, museum, walking, bar….anything but online…

  5. datingandmating says:

    I’m with you on the “assessment” driven sites. I think its a lure based on doubting self-select abilities. I realized with EH that I had to work the system and learn how other people think in order to get any decent matches. (of course with all my research in this field, I had to try it and was shocked to see the difference in matches I got with just a few adjustments to my scale selections) It led me to think that those of us who are independent by nature or who perhaps have a more accurate/realistic self-assessment may have trouble fitting into those tiny little (and sometimes insulting) boxes that the tests try to put us into. Too bad Chemistry can’t really measure actual “chemistry,” If they could… the site might crash with the numbers of people on it!

    thanks for the post. I’ve been tooling around a similar post and if I ever get it done — I’ll certainly be linking back *grin*


  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    Well you know I feel similarly. It’s all trial and error. And I don’t think sites that pretend to help you find your match are helpful at all. I just like diving into the huge pool of options online and getting down to that trial and error and trial and error and trial and error.
    You went into it with the right approach – for laughs. I was so serious when I did eHarmony. A coworker had met her boyfriend there and insisted I try it. And I was devastated – really – when it didn’t work. Ah, if only I had your sense.
    I think that’s why now I exclusively use sites that don’t promise me anything and don’t cost must. I don’t think they can offer me must more than a pool of available guys. And that’s all I want.
    -DC Dating Diva
    I know it’s not for everyone. I have a friend who feels the same way you do (who, btw, is an ex-bf who I met online, but I don’t take his rejection of online dating personally). There are days when I think it’s not for me either.
    -kelli(dating and mating)
    You certainly put a lot more effort into it that I did. I knew their meters were broken or inaccurate but I never bothered to put much effort into recalibrating my results. Rather, I just decided to walk away from those sites. I can’t wait to see your post.