External validation is one of those bizarro things. A need that many humans have but most of us wish we didn’t (like a constant craving for chocolate that can never be sated). In self-help land you’ll frequently hear people talk of letting go of the need for external validation. Because, of course, we should all be happy with ourselves and who we are as individuals and not seek happiness from the approval/attention of others.
Whatever. I’m really not into making judgments about how other people choose to live. I do have a sense that the people who spend the most time preaching to others should spend a little more time looking within themselves and their own lives, but that’s so not my problem. I try pretty hard to balance being happy with what I have and workng hard to get the things I want. I don’t do waiting patiently to see what the universe (or the lord or whatever) will bring my way. My happiness is on me, no matter what. That’s the way I see it.
So now, to my point. I’m not judging anyone’s need to seek the approval of other’s or to even get a little ego stroke now and then. Really I’m not. But there is something that really pisses me off and I just can’t take it anymore. I figure that out of the last 25 first dates I’ve had that didn’t end up in additional dates, about 1/2 of those guys asked me out for a second date. And in almost all of those cases I said yes. They asked, I said yes, they then proceeded to blow me off. The ask, so far as I can see was the equivalent of, “Do you like me enough to go out with me again?”
It happens over and over again. End of the date, we’re doing the goodnights, sometimes there’s even a kiss if he’s the bold sort (I am completely open to kissing on a first date, not sex, but the guy’s got to go for it). And then he says something to the effect that he’d like to see me again and I say yes. Not, we’ll see because I’m not a tease. But yes. And then he disappears into the NYC dating ether, never to be heard from again.
I sent probably too-young guy, Saturday afternoon’s date, an email yesterday morning. I decided to give him a second chance. Decided that maybe his unenthusiastic vm was just a case of nerves getting the best of him and what harm could there be in giving him a second chance. That was 30 hrs ago. I haven’t heard back from him. So I’m guessing he was just checking, to see if I would go out with him again. Because now he can feel really good about himself, being the one who’s turning me down. Argh.
It’s like these guys are using me, and probably all women, to just constantly sate their need to hear over and over again that they are wonderful. That each time one of us says, “yes, I’ll go out with you again,” the guy gets to feel a little bit more like a worthwhile human being.
I guess I should be glad that I’m getting away after a single date?
Tags: first date