Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Is There Something in the Water?

I like men.  I really do.  And I want to like dating. But sometimes the men I date make it virtually impossible to like them or dating.

I agree with everyone who left comments.  The guy who was late on Saturday blew his chance. Enough said about that.  Sadly, he wasn’t the only man in my world acting like a big baby these last few days.

I got an email early from the car trouble guy. The one who cancelled on me over a week ago.  I thought I’d heard the last of him.  Yes, I cancelled on him first.  Because I was really, really sick.  And I got in touch with him within 24 hours to apologize again and make a new date, letting him know that I would rearrange my schedule to make myself available whenever he could make it.  I felt it was the least I could do as I’d cancelled at the last minute.

He cancelled at the last minute and then I didn’t hear from him for over a week.  And then when I did it was a rather demanding email detailing how busy he’d been and letting me know he’d be available the next day for a date.  No other option.  As if I should drop whatever plans I had.  I didn’t reply.  I wasn’t available and wasn’t in the mood to deal with him.  He then called and left me a vm which was slightly less irritating but still demanding.  Then this morning I got a kind of nasty email asking me again if I was available to see him today.  It had a “this is your final offer” tone to it.

Because clearly he is such a god, and I am a mere earthling.  I must immediately snap to it a begin worship.

I am not sure what to do, honestly.  A part of me wants to send him a reply email, letting him know that I was disappointed to have not heard from him earlier and that I’m no longer interested.  The rest of me wants to just ignore him until he goes away.

But wait, there’s more.  Tonight I got a vm (I let a lot of calls go to vm) from Saturday afternoon’s .  The one who was kind of immature and insecure.  It was such bizarre message.  Usually when a man calls to ask for a second date he either sounds really into you or nervous. This one sounded like he was going through the motions.  Like he invested the time (no money, btw, we went dutch – not that that matters one way or the other) for one date and liked me well enough and so we might as well get together again.  Seriously, it was kind of an insulting message.

Argh.


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6 to “Is There Something in the Water?”


  1. TranqJones says:

    here’s a thought… maybe, because you date so much, the lustre has worn off the ‘process.’ If you do anything enough, the repetition often takes the joy out of it. Instead of being in touch with what you like about men, you end up being focused on the pratfalls… and how tiring it is to have so many disappointments along the way. And when you’re running from date to date, window shopping as it were, sometimes a guy can pick up on all of that. i know i do.

    maybe it would help to take some time to refocus. really look at what you like, what you look for, what turns you on, and what makes you turn and run. figure out clever ways to ask questions before meeting someone that are ‘innocent benchmarks.’ i use the word innocent because coming on too strong with an inquisition is often a turn off. playful, curious, interested and recognizing when that’s all mutual are good skills to develop.

    i don’t really know you, other than the few entries i’ve read in your blog, so i don’t know whether any of this makes sense. but rather than dating ‘a lot,’ your might consider a better screening process and then making those carefully selected dates more worthwhile. like a good relationship that continues to develop, committing that kind of time, energy, and enthusiasm goes a long way. it just might beat running around town while trying to hit an uncertain target. you dig? :)

  2. sfsingleguy says:

    They all have one thing in common though – you had plans to go out with them.

    For what it is worth:

    1) The guy on Saturday who was late and blew his chance may have been late because he really was running late, and maybe didn’t make an extra effort which would have saved him some time, probably because he recently had a bad date. I’ve been there – you get one, two bad dates in a row, and then on the fourth you are somewhat lacking in motivation, to the point that you won’t try to recover from being late. You look upon the cancellation with some relief that you don’t have to get a third bad date in a row.

    2) The car trouble guy. You canceled on him first, bad. Good that you rescheduled. Bad that he canceled. Could be a dealbreaker that he waited a week – is he over 35? (if not he is playing you by waiting the requisite week). Sounds like the guy has issues, or perhaps maybe that isn’t experienced in dating. Your call on this one – he could have been frustrated, and maybe knows that he screwed up, but I don’t think most men will ever admit that unless you are in a relationship with them. I’d go either way since he made extra effort to email after calling, but didn’t see his email.

    3) The saturday date guy. You are reading too much into this one. Maybe he was going through the motions – so that he wouldn’t sound too into you or nervous. Common tactic. He is probably into your or nervous :) My guess is that you are reading it as insulting because of the other two dates.

    And “I must immediately snap to it a begin worship.” I’ve had these thoughts after bad dates – totally normal and understandable. So get mad, then get over it :)

  3. cjw666 says:

    I kind of agree with sfsingleguy, but in the end , you’ve already said it yourself – it’s not what they do or say, because we all get it wrong and give an impression we don’t intend sometimes – it’s how they react and handle the situation and bad is bad when it comes to that.

    Move on, honey!

  4. bobbyjensen says:

    Some make rules for dating, but that’s no always a positive outcome. Guidelines and experiences, I believe, are better for judgment calls.— You raised an interesting point about going Dutch. I know some ladies actually are fine with it, but I do believe that most aren’t. At least that’s the feedback I get from most ladies who talk about it in a general way amongst themselves. Makes me wonder.

  5. FitDarcie says:

    I totally feel you…it seems like when it rains ridiculousness, it pours. I have weeks when I really think that all the good ones must be taken. I also think I’m too old for the stupid games. If you’re interested, ask me out. If not, don’t call me. It’s that simple.

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Tranqjones
    I hear you and there is value to your advice. Whenever I feel myself in that space where I am not open to seeing the good in men/the joy in being with someone new I will take a break from dating. It’s not uncommon for me to do this every once in a while and I’ve written about that (months ago). Right now, I don’t think I’m in that space. I think those guys just really fucked up.
    -sfsingleguy
    Yes, I agreed to go out with them all. And I’ve talked openly about my shit taste in men and how I’m trying to get better at it. Clearly my shit detector still needs work. I canceled on car trouble guy for our first date because I was too sick to get out of bed. That was beyond my control. I have pretty big health issues. Nothing I can about it and any guy who wants to be in my life needs to deal with that reality sooner or later. Invariably I will cancel dates, miss plans, spend days in bed. Sucks for me more than it does for the guys. Grown ups can cope, selfish children should move on.
    -bobbyjensen
    Am planning a post on the issues around money and going dutch. Hopefully I’ll get to it this week. That’s for reminding me.
    -FitDarcie
    THANKYOU. It’s not that hard. Take the games and stick them. I really do think it’s getting harder lately though, and I want to know why? Are these men thinking it’s OK to act this way?