Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

1 + 1 + 1 = Good Date

I will eventually get down to giving you the names of some of my favorite places to go for dates.  For first dates and for 2nd, 3rd… dates (which I’m really excited about).  But for these first few posts I’m just laying the ground work.

Speaking of groundwork, let’s talk about what I think makes a good spot.  It’s so simple and elegant (kind of like a mac) yet so few of the men I date adhere to these basic principles.

  • You should be able to speak with each other, comfortably.  This means being able to hear each other.  No obscenely loud music.  Noplace overcrowded.  Not being able to talk with one another kind of defeats the purpose of the date.
  • Pick a venue that embodies the characteristics of your personality that you are trying to highlight:  mellow, upbeat, sophisticated, , classic, youthful, serious, down-to-earth, outdoorsy…  If you’ve been passing yourself off as a completely unmaterialistic, low-key guy who likes to get out of the city every weekend and retreat to the mountains then you probably shouldn’t plan a date for a meatpacking district hotspot that you read about in .
  • Listen! Has she said she likes wine? (This can come up in many ways. Some sites ask about the contents of a fridge.  Others ask about what kind of class a person would take if they had the time.  Have they mentioned wine chilling in the fridge?  An interest in wine tasting classes?) Pick a wine .  Do they not drink or rarely drink at all?  This is not that rare.  I am amazed at the number of times I hear of non drinkers taken to bars for dates, even though it clearly states on their profiles that they don’t drink (yeah. the non-drinker should speak up.  But sometimes this is a senstive subject, and the info is there for the guy to see).  Has she given you other hints to her likes and dislikes?  I bet you she has.  Lots of them.  Pay attention.

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4 to “1 + 1 + 1 = Good Date”


  1. SINgleGIRL says:

    posted by Hammer86
    Fri, 12/26/2008 – 12:04pm

    This article makes some great points, I am very much in agreement with all of these things (which is rare for you and me).

  2. SINgleGIRL says:

    posted by sfsingleguy
    Fri, 12/26/2008 – 1:22pm

    Great advice. As a guy who has gone out on several dates without a wholly formed plan, this is a good guide. I took a girl to this place one time for a drink, and hadn’t done my research ahead of time. Turns out there was obscenely loud music, and I could hardly hear her speak. I nodded my head a lot, but am pretty sure that one of those nods was to a question she was asking (I couldn’t hear well enough to get that it was a question).

    Finding some place not overcrowded is kind of hit or miss here in SF. Also, I’m finding it is good to have a plan for part 2 of the date if things go well (maybe hit up a museum right after coffee if the initial meeting is going well).

  3. SINgleGIRL says:

    posted by SINgleGIRL
    Sat, 12/27/2008 – 9:56am

    So glad you guys like this advice.
    sfsingleguy -
    I understand about having a hard time finding an uncrowded place. There is a place I love (which I prob won’t share here as I don’t want to “ruin” in) that I go to all of the time, sometimes with dates). It used to be uncrowded all of the time. I went there a few weeks ago and it was packed and the music was blaring. New bartenders/manager I guess. As to having a plan for later on – I concur and will write about that soon. It’s always a good idea.

  4. SINgleGIRL says:

    posted by bellaressa
    Sat, 12/27/2008 – 2:42pm

    Thanks for the advice. This was very helpful.