Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

More Interesting

I was supposed to have a date last night.  I had to cancel/rechedule because I was sick.  The guy is someone I’d been flirting pretty heavily with via email before I hid my profile and as soon as I reposted he saw it and contacted me.  More importantly for today’s topic, I initiated first contact with him, way back several months ago.  I saw his profile and thought he seemed interesting and so I sent him a message.

So what was it about him that made me do that? Well, yes, he’s attractive (at least he seems so in his pics).  But that’s not what caught my eye.  Here are some of the things that made me think, “gee, you should write to this guy”:

  • His profile was well written.  It was grammatically correct w/o any typos or spelling errors.  This matters to me.  A lot.  I’m not going to be interested in someone who doesn’t start his sentences with capital letters or who writes all in caps.  Go ahead, call me an elitist.  See if I care.
  • He seemed genuinely excited by the things in his life. He didn’t say, “I like museums” or “I like to travel” but gave me concrete examples of the places he likes to go to and why he likes them.  It allowed me to see him as a person with real interests rather than just as a guy who was trying to impress me.
  • There was a depth of tone to his profile.  It wasn’t uniformly chipper or happy-go-lucky.  I am not looking for a man who sees everything in life as wonderful.  Good lord, who can read a newspaper nowadays and not find something to make them feel sick?  A smart guy can find a way to put depth into his profile and show me that he is capable of expressing a range of emotions.
  • Oh, and last but not least, he had an amusing headline.  Most sites use headlines. I think they’re pretty silly, as a device.  But they’re there.  I will not contact someone who has a headline that falls into one of these categories:  ridiculously banal (“Amusing Headline” or “Great Catch”) or job related (“Hot Dr.” or “Sexy Lawyer”).   A guy’s got to show a tiny bit of imagination.

There are other things, sure.  I care about his taste in music and books.  If a guy’s got great taste in books, well, that’s going to earn major points with me (And he does. I love the book he names as his favorite and it’s pretty obscure).  And this is a very individual thing.  What I consider great might not pass muster with someone else.  One question used on the dating site I currently use is where you’d be if you could be anywhere in the world.  If he were to name some random place that I happen to love, let’s say San Sebastian, for example, well, that will intrigue me and I’ll want to write to him because we have that in common.  The man in question did not name one place but rather a laundry list of places I’d go to in a second.

I don’t think any of this can be learned or taught (except the good grammar – do it in MSWord, use spell and grammar check and then copy and paste for chrissakes).  I just think the men I am attracted to, online, do a pretty decent job of showing who they are.  And who they are are pretty decent, genuine guys with interests that are similar to mine.  Not always, sure.  Some duds sneak through.  But less and less.

Oh, btw, my apologies for going so long w/o replying to , posting and updating the .  As I mentioned, I’ve been sick.  Feeling better now.  I updated the to help bring me out of my sick funk.  It’s singing, Oooh Child.

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6 to “More Interesting”

  1. Teifion says:

    I’d not say you are at all elitist expecting a given level of punctuation, I’d say you were elitist if you expected them to be exceedingly eloquent but the ability to write and the time taken to making sure that your online profile is of adequate standards is not elitist.

    I’d be interested to know what other things are early warning indicators of good or bad, your list is good but quite short and I have very little doubt that you could come up with a much longer list :)

  2. bellaressa says:

    It would be great if you did give us a list of red flags from your experience.

  3. cjw666 says:

    OK, so I guess the LDR’s out of the question then? Yes, well, not exactly physically satisfying I suppose.

    Seriously though, has it taken you this long to work out that, being intelligent, educated and imaginative, you are attracted to intelligent, educated and imaginative men?

    Good, clearly explained post, though.

  4. bobbyjensen says:

    i UNDERSTAND wat u meen about a guy dat cant tak da time ta right good grammer!

    Kidding :)

    Good description and very informative!

  5. Teifion says:

    I must admit I was tempted to make a dating profile page on my site and send you the link to see what you thought and it would of course have been cheesily bad. But I’m just not witty enough to actually do it.

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    Thanks everyone. Got it- you want more details. As I said, this was a part of a series. I was trying to wade in slowly. I wasn’t really up to writing a HUGE post with all of my thoughts on the topic. But I understand, this one didn’t really scratch the surface. I shall strive to do better.