Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.


So, I seek out interesting men who I might want to communicate with (online – and yes, if I meet someone in the real flesh and blood world I have no issue with just asking him out also – I’ve talked about that).  So what do I mean by interesting?

That’s a complicated thing.  It’s not always the same. For starters, let’s tak about physical appearance and how a man presents himself online (as I am going to be focusing on for the next several posts).

Yes, looks matter.  But they are not the most important thing.  Really, they’re not.  I’ve dated the pretty boys.  The ex-models, personal trainers, actors. I live in New York and we have no shortage of professional pretty people.  And they are gorgeous.  But, oh lord, then they open their mouths and talk.  And don’t get me started on their skills.  It’s been my experience that the hottest guy in the room is usually the worst kisser and lousy in bed.  Anyway…

So when I see a profile pic of someone who is drop dead gorgeous I’m actually pretty unlikely to click on it.  That’s a fact. Here’s another fact. I will not click on a guy’s profile if he’s posing with his shirt off in the main pic.  Even if he has a great bod.  I figure he’s telling me that his body is his greatest asset.  And I’m looking for a guy who’s got a lot more going on than a great set of abs.

That all said, I’m not really interested in someone who is horribly out of shape.  A little extra padding I’m pretty cool with.  More cool than most people would expect considering how little padding I have.  I frequently send messages to guys who fall in the little extra padding category. But actually fat –  no. As much as I joke about my junkfood addiction, I do try to take pretty good care of myself and couldn’t really be with someone who didn’t feel similarly.

I’ve outgrown most of my other appearance issues.  Bald – no problem. I think there are a lot of hot bald guys.  I used to hate facial hair.  And then, last year, I showed up for a first date with a guy who was clean shaven in his profile pic and he had a full beard.  I was kind of repulsed at first.  But then we got to talking and I found myself attracted to him.  We eventually became involved, pretty seriouly (he eventually became the and actually shaved by the end of the first week of dating me).  But since then I no longer disqualify guys with beards.  Mr. Potential had one, in fact.

So I guess you can say I’m pretty open minded about looks.  Comparatively speaking (ugly is ugly, sorry).

I strongly encourage men to post recent, realistic photos of themselves.  I am pretty tired of the overly arty, tilted, from 20 yards away, in scuba gear, group shots with party hats… You get the idea.  My main pic was taken with my cellphone.  It’s a perfectly nice photo of me looking kinda nice, but not a glamour shot.  It’s what I look like on a date because I took it one night right after I came home from a date.

That’s all I really have to say on appearance.  I guess what I’ve been trying to say is – get over yourself.  If you’re a reasonably attractive person with lots more to offer than your looks than just throw up a pic and get on with it.  I care way more about what you’ve written in your profile.  Really, I do.

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7 to “Interesting?”

  1. Teifion says:

    First impressions are just that, a first impression. Knowing someone for even a week can prove a first impression oh so wrong.

  2. starangel82 says:

    I haven’t had any luck with online dating. The guys I’ve actually gone so far as to meet in person are nothing like their profile. I don’t get too hung up in the looks department, but I agree, you should look like your profile picture. I hate people who post one from 3 years ago then look completely different when you meet them.

  3. cjw666 says:

    How do you feel about and LDR (as distinct from an LTR)? With an LDR we’ll never meet, so I can drop 25 years and several annoying encumberances as well as overcome a number of other difficulties.

    OK. Only joking :) Interesting post. You certainly know your subject and understand the advantages/shortcomings.

  4. bobbyjensen says:

    Never had an online date (or a date from online I mean), But it does seem like you have said some very similar things about pics that I’ve read from other ladies.

    Guys, let’s read and learn :)

  5. SINgleGIRL says:

    I agree. First impressions are frequently wrong. But you’ve gotta start somewhere.
    As I’ve said, online dating can be frustrating. I find some sites to be a complete waste of time and others less so. And I think a lot has to do with where you live, etc. That said, even in the best of situations it requires weeding through a lot of garbage. I would like to think that I am getting better at figuring out who is and isn’t worth meeting.
    Thanks for the smile.
    This is one area for which men and women share equal guilt.

  6. andsowemeet says:

    so do you do the stinker dance with any of these “lucky” men?

  7. SINgleGIRL says:

    The “stinker dance”? That’s a new one for me. If you’re referring to sex – I don’t use online dating for one night stands. I am seeking relationships. And yes, when I meet someone I like I have sex with them. If you weren’t referring to sex, well ?