So, I seek out interesting men who I might want to communicate with (online – and yes, if I meet someone in the real flesh and blood world I have no issue with just asking him out also – I’ve talked about that). So what do I mean by interesting?
That’s a complicated thing. It’s not always the same. For starters, let’s tak about physical appearance and how a man presents himself online (as I am going to be focusing on online dating for the next several posts).
Yes, looks matter. But they are not the most important thing. Really, they’re not. I’ve dated the pretty boys. The ex-models, personal trainers, actors. I live in New York and we have no shortage of professional pretty people. And they are gorgeous. But, oh lord, then they open their mouths and talk. And don’t get me started on their skills. It’s been my experience that the hottest guy in the room is usually the worst kisser and lousy in bed. Anyway…
So when I see a profile pic of someone who is drop dead gorgeous I’m actually pretty unlikely to click on it. That’s a fact. Here’s another fact. I will not click on a guy’s profile if he’s posing with his shirt off in the main pic. Even if he has a great bod. I figure he’s telling me that his body is his greatest asset. And I’m looking for a guy who’s got a lot more going on than a great set of abs.
That all said, I’m not really interested in someone who is horribly out of shape. A little extra padding I’m pretty cool with. More cool than most people would expect considering how little padding I have. I frequently send messages to guys who fall in the little extra padding category. But actually fat - no. As much as I joke about my junkfood addiction, I do try to take pretty good care of myself and couldn’t really be with someone who didn’t feel similarly.
I’ve outgrown most of my other appearance issues. Bald – no problem. I think there are a lot of hot bald guys. I used to hate facial hair. And then, last year, I showed up for a first date with a guy who was clean shaven in his profile pic and he had a full beard. I was kind of repulsed at first. But then we got to talking and I found myself attracted to him. We eventually became involved, pretty seriouly (he eventually became the bad ex-boyfriend and actually shaved by the end of the first week of dating me). But since then I no longer disqualify guys with beards. Mr. Potential had one, in fact.
So I guess you can say I’m pretty open minded about looks. Comparatively speaking (ugly is ugly, sorry).
I strongly encourage men to post recent, realistic photos of themselves. I am pretty tired of the overly arty, tilted, from 20 yards away, in scuba gear, group shots with party hats… You get the idea. My main pic was taken with my cellphone. It’s a perfectly nice photo of me looking kinda nice, but not a glamour shot. It’s what I look like on a date because I took it one night right after I came home from a date.
That’s all I really have to say on appearance. I guess what I’ve been trying to say is – get over yourself. If you’re a reasonably attractive person with lots more to offer than your looks than just throw up a pic and get on with it. I care way more about what you’ve written in your profile. Really, I do.
Tags: bad ex-boyfriend, Online dating, online dating profile picture