I am so tired. Tired and achy and desperately wishing I could’ve just stayed in bed this morning. And I had an insanely stressful Sunday, dealing with really hard family/personal stuff.
But besides all that I’m in a pretty good mood. This is the first week in over a month that I’m not wondering about that silly situation with Mr. Potential (yeah that silly situation that I put myself into - and I take full responsibility for it). I feel really good about not being in it anymore.
I realized yesterday, during one of my train rides, that I’d repeated an error (OK, many errors, sure) I’d made many times before. I fixated on my first impression of Mr. P and even when there was contradictory information I refused to take it into account because I already had a fixed image of him in my head.
This is something I’ve been doing, unfortunately, for years. I can recall a time when I’d started to date my doctor (OK, have I mentioned that I am the queen of dating dysfuction and have frequently exhibited some rather poor judgment?). He was very handsome but more importantly he was very nice to me when I was sick. He stopped being nice to me when we started dating. He was anything but nice. He was probably the biggest asshole I have ever had the misfortune of spending time with. But it took me months to realize it, because I had this fixed image of him in my head as the nice man who was kind to me when I was sick.
Mr. Potential wasn’t an asshole. He never lied to me. He never did a lot of other things also. Things that I usually require from men I spend time with. But I didn’t fully acknowledge what was going on because I was blinded by the image I had of him as a nice man.
OK.. Cool. It’s over. I’m in a good mood today. I hope everyone else is having a good day, too.
Tags: asshole, dating dysfunction, judgment