Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Quick (Probably silly) Thought

LisaQ from 20/40 recently mentioned in the comments (it came up in relation to my telling Mr. Potential about it) that she told a man she’d met online about her , before they met.  He checked it out and was very encouraging and thoughtful and perhaps even more excited about meeting her after reading her .  And his receptiveness made her more interested in him.

I’m about to embark on another frenzied round of .  The first date will be in a few days and then I’ll have many more in the weeks to come.  I’m just now screening a bunch of new candidates (more on that later).  And I’ve been rethinking my timeline as to when might be the appropriate time to tell guys about this blog.

My situation is pretty different from LisaQ’s as her blog is very different from mine.  She isn’t really dishing the dirt on her own personal life, at least not constantly.  Whereas that’s pretty much all I write about here.

I fear that once I tell someone about the blog his behavior toward me will be affected by it.  Kind of the way someone acts differently when they know a camera is filming their every move.

Your thoughts?

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10 to “Quick (Probably silly) Thought”

  1. Teifion says:

    A long term relationship requires trust, how better to show you can trust them than by being honest about your blog?

  2. derek7272 says:

    Lots of potential downsides. If you’re telling guys you’ve just met, they might not trust you, fear that you’d violate their privacy, badmouth them if things go badly etc. Then of course they’ll want to read the blog … would you really be able to write honestly about things, knowing they’re reading? And would you really want them knowing that much about you early-on? Generally my approach to dating is to try and put my best foot forward at first; give them a more unvarnished, warts-n-all look at me and my life later. And won’t you feel a little weird, that they’ll know all this stuff about you and you’ll know so little about them?

    It’s not that you should never tell them … but later rather than sooner, y’know? At least that is my humble suggestion.

  3. cjw666 says:

    Don’t tell a guy about your blog unless:

    a) You’ve got to know and like him and have written really nice stuff about him on here, or…

    b) He’s a jerk and you want to REALLY piss him off.


  4. bobbyjensen says:

    LisaQ runs a great blog and it’s one of the few that I can’t seem to log into. It’s well worth it for me to keep trying though.

    I think we can see 3 different opinions already with the 3 previous replies. Honestly, I think it’s just a gamble. My question would be: why would we want to reveil a blog to a partner? I may have a different answer than anyone else, and maybe a different outcome than I expected.

  5. 20forty says:

    Ah sweetie I’m not dishing out the dirt on my personal life constantly because, quite honestly, there’s no dirt to dish! Sad but true.

    As far as this new guy goes, we did meet on NYE and had a perfectly incredible evening. We have talked every day and have plans to see each other next weekend. (He has his son this weekend so we couldn’t get together.) I’m very encouraged…though also a little terrified honestly. And the truth is I would write about in a heartbeat except one of the things he asked is that I don’t write about him, and I have to respect both his privacy and his request. I opened myself up to that when I told him about the blog. And I’m struggling with that only because I process my feelings by writing and I could use that right now. I’m thinking of asking him if he would mind if I wrote about my feelings without really writing about him. We’ll see.

    Now, I told him about the blog because, as I said, that’s where I really open myself up and am the most honest about myself and my past. If you read the archives, there’s all kinds of dirt about my marriages/divorces, men I’ve been involved with, my childhood and my feelings about myself and this journey I’m on. I want him to know those things if he wants to know them. And, quite frankly, I express myself better in writing than I ever could verbally. If he’s inclined, he can learn pretty much everything there is to know about me and about my past.

    That being said, you’re right. Your blog is different than mine but ultimately you have to decide how much to reveal. It boils down to what you’re comfortable with girl. Period.

    Oh and Bobby, we miss you. We are working with the theme creator on all kinds of issues. He is working on a new theme that he believes will take care of most of them. With any luck that will be in place by next weekend.

  6. Hypatia says:

    I accidentally told one of the guys I’m casually dating about the fact that I have a blog– I haven’t told him the address, but now that he knows about it (and I know that he’s curious and looking for it) it has altered the way that I write about him. I’m less honest, definitely. While I don’t have anything *bad* to say about him (yet), I do want to write about my ambivalence towards him, and I feel like it would hurt his feelings if he ever came across it.

    If I were in a *relationship* with someone, yes, I’d tell him about the blog. Before that? No way!

  7. bobbyjensen says:

    Hi Lisa, I can’t wait to be back at your blog and I know that soon I will be :)
    Hopefully, he can get everything squared away!

  8. erniew says:

    Meet the man, decide if you even like him. Go out with him again and see if he is forthcoming about his life. I prefer to open myself up when the other person is just as willing. And there is no timeline, only when you feel comfortable. Good luck.

  9. DC Dating Diva says:

    My Blog is specifically about Dating, the men I date, etc… Although a few know I have a blog, they don’t know it’s a dating blog, wouldn’t know how to find me, and if they do, they’s have to be really savvy to figure out I’m dishing, discussing, ranting, raving about them… My blog is like my diary, I can say what I want about said guy(s) and get feedback…maybe someone else went through the same thing… I don’t think they guy(s) I date or am dating would get my humor about it, plus I think it would change everything between them/me…

    My guess is that if you tell someone you are dating about your blog, they are privy to your thoughts, feelings and emotions about them and other men, past, present, future…and you may feel as thought you cannot candidly write about them, your feelings, or emotions, and or they may not want you to write about them…hence, I’m against it…

  10. SINgleGIRL says:

    Wow, thanks everyone for your thoughts on this. It looks like I probably shouldn’t be rushing to tell anyone (not if I want to continue to write about them, which I do). I would be great to think that one of my dates in 2009 will turn into more than just a casual thing and if that’s the case then I guess I’ll tell him about it when things get really serious. Ugh.