Yesterday was one of those weird days when I thought the day was going to be all about one thing and it turned out to be about something completely different. Early in the day, yesterday, I made up my mind to do something pretty big. It was one of those, ‘throw a stick of dynamite into cave’ decisions. I knew there was a pretty good chance of someone (most likely me) getting hurt, but I really needed to get at the stuff deep down inside of that cave and it was all blocked by rubble and rocks. I’d been thinking about it for days and I just couldn’t see any other way to solve the problem. And I was willing to take the risk.
This all had nothing to do with Mr. Potential, btw. This is an alternative brewing drama that may or may not find it’s way here. I’m just mentioning it now because I wanted to give some foundation for the rest of the story.
I’d decided to do something pretty extreme. But then, because of obstacles in my way that I could not foresee and could not get around, I was unable to do anything. I was feeling kind of impotent.
I did have a good day on the online dating front. I heard from a guy I’d been flirting heavily with (via email) up until the point that Mr. Potential and I started sleeping together and I thus hid my profile and stopped seeing other people. He saw my profile up and emailed me and we’re emailing each other again and making plans to get together sometime next week. And I’ve receved a few other really interesting messages. So that’s all good.
I stayed in last night, reading. I do love to read. At some point it occurred to me that I knew that Mr. Potential was going “away” for the weekend to visit friends upstate. That he’d said something in passing about it. And I realized that I hadn’t heard from him since I left him at breakfast the day before. And that we had no plans to see each other again. And I started to get annoyed. Because I didn’t expect to hear from him while he was away. So that meant that, what, I’d hear from him 4 or 5 days after we last saw each other and then we’d make plans to get together again?
And then I remembered that I had to ask him out the last few times we got together. And had to basically nag/remind him to let me know whether NYE would work for him. And it just hit me. It all wasn’t cool with me. It wasn’t the seeing other people or the active online profile that was always getting under my skin. It was that, except our first 4 or 5 dates, he completely took me for granted. He didn’t send me a text before he left for the weekend saying, “can’t wait to see you again, what days work for you next week?” or “I have a busy week next week but want to make sure we see each other, how about …” He just blew me off and assumed that I would call him or that I would be available at the last minute.
And I’d been excusing this because when we did get together he pretty much always had some little gift (candy, flowers…) for me and did all of the “good guy” stuff like offering to carry things. But I’d rather date some broke shmuck who never buys me anything, never pays for anything and actually calls me once and a while and says, “hey, I want to see you sometime soon”.
Once I was on that train of thought I just went with it. I recalled a comment I got recently on Twitter, I think it was a DM (I love all of my wonderful readers and I adore all of your feedback. Some people choose to comment on Twitter and some privately via DM. I’m not sure why.). He said that he thought Mr. Potential was coming off as completely self-involved. That my life was all about him and whether he was “ready” and how could I be stressed and have feelings about anything else.
And the reality is that I have worked hard recently to try to get to know Mr. P better. I know a lot, now, about his friends and family. His likes and dislikes. He still doesn’t really know much about me. I’ve been saying it was because I’ve been keeping him at arms length, but really, he never asked. He clearly liked the fact that I kept my whole world from him. It made it easier for him to dick me around and not really think of me,
So I called him and said goodbye. He seemed a bit confused. He apologized and tried to explain himself again and blabbered about how much he like me but that he didn’t know as if I’d called for an explanation. And I said that I didn’t think we went well together and so there was nothing else to talk about. And then he continued to kind of whine and say he didn’t know what the right thing to do was. I came close to just hanging up on him, but that would have been mean. I’d caught him by surprise. I’d led him to believe, up til that point, that he was in control. That he got to decide how well we got to know each other. How often we saw each other. How serious the relationship was going to get. And there I was, on the phone, telling him that he’d lost control and the choice was no longer his. He eventually said, in a very grave voice, “I guess, I just think we shouldn’t wee each other any more”, like he needed to give his blessing. And I said, “Yeah, that’s why I called. To say goodbye.”
And so it’s officially over. Mr. Potential is gone from my life and this blog. I immediately called one of my favorite straight guys on the planet (the ex who took the half-naked pics) and talked about it with him. It wasn’t long before I realized that I should have done this a long time ago. Really. I don’t know why I didn’t, except that I had convinced myself that Mr. Potential was the complete opposite, in temperate and personality, of my last few boyfriends and since those relationships all ended so poorly that I should pursue a guy like him. Silly, huh?
So it was a long day. And that big, ‘throw a stick a dynamite into a cave’ thing is still hanging over my head. But at least I got something good accomplished.
Tags: Dating update, Online dating