A while back I read an article, or maybe it was a blog post, that said that men married the woman they were with when they were ready to get married. I don’t think I blogged about it at the time. Maybe I did.
Anyway, it’s a concept I’ve been thinking a lot about. That timing is a major component to what makes relationships work. Sometimes two people meet and they seem to be perfect together in every way. But one of them isn’t ready to commit to anything beyond casual dating and so nothing ever happens with them.
My parents were kind of the opposite example. They met and married kind of late, for their generation. They were both looking, really looking hard, for that special someone to spend the rest of their life with. And then they met. They were introduced by a friend of a family member or something like that. It was a set up by someone who knew them both and who knew that they both wanted the same thing at the same time.
My dad asked my mom to marry him one month after they met. No, I’m not looking for that to happen to me. That’s not why I’m telling this story. Pay attention. Now, if you were to ask me if my parents were well suited for each other, I’d have to say, ‘not exactly’. They had very different personalities and they spent their entire marriage fighting and driving each other crazy. But they were in love, too, in their own weird way. They were married for almost 40 yrs when separated by death, and the surviving spouse is absolutely devastated.
I believe that it was timing, more than anything else, that made their relationship work. They wanted exactly the same things at exactly the same time. They were both equally ready for all of the same compromises and decisions. Sure, they rushed into that initial decision. But because it was the sixties they both probably felt enormous pressure to be married and have a family.
Like I said, I’ve been thinking a lot about this. About how big a role timing has in relationships. I can’t control it, nor can I help it along. I can only live my life and be strong and healthy (both efforts on some days) and hope that I cross paths with the right person at the right time. Or maybe, if I wanted to really stick my neck out, I can think about giving a second chance to someone if he thinks the timing might finally be right.
Tags: parents, Relationships, second chances, timing