Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.


A while back I read an article, or maybe it was a blog post, that said that men married the woman they were with when they were ready to get married.  I don’t think I blogged about it at the time.  Maybe I did.

Anyway, it’s a concept I’ve been thinking a lot about. That is a major component to what makes work.  Sometimes two people meet and they seem to be perfect together in every way. But one of them isn’t ready to commit to anything beyond casual dating and so nothing ever happens with them.

My were kind of the opposite example.  They met and married kind of late, for their generation.  They were both looking, really looking hard, for that special someone to spend the rest of their life with.  And then they met.  They were introduced by a friend of a family member or something like that.  It was a set up by someone who knew them both and who knew that they both wanted the same thing at the same time.

My dad asked my mom to marry him one month after they met.  No, I’m not looking for that to happen to me.  That’s not why I’m telling this story.  Pay attention. Now, if you were to ask me if my parents were well suited for each other, I’d have to say, ‘not exactly’.  They had very different personalities and they spent their entire marriage fighting and driving each other crazy.  But they were in love, too, in their own weird way.  They were married for almost 40 yrs when separated by death, and the surviving spouse is absolutely devastated.

I believe that it was timing, more than anything else, that made their relationship work.  They wanted exactly the same things at exactly the same time.  They were both equally ready for all of the same compromises and decisions.  Sure, they rushed into that initial decision.  But because it was the sixties they both probably felt enormous pressure to be married and have a family.

Like I said, I’ve been thinking a lot about this.  About how big a role timing has in relationships.  I can’t control it, nor can I help it along.  I can only live my life and be strong and healthy (both efforts on some days) and hope that I cross paths with the right person at the right time.  Or maybe, if I wanted to really stick my neck out, I can think about giving a second chance to someone if he thinks the timing might finally be right.

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5 to “Timing”

  1. CHFBrian says:

    It’s been my experience that timing is a huge factor in whether a budding relationship goes further than a mere date or two. I can name two or three instances off the top of my head where I’ve been out with a girl with whom I seemed to click amazingly with, but for whatever reason – a recent breakup, significant job commitments, whatever – it just wasn’t meant to be. In this town especially, few want to sit around waiting to see if maybe things will work, so people tend to move on.

    Timing is huge, and I haven’t found anything in particular that can be done about it other than try to seize opportunities when they come, in relationships or otherwise.

  2. bobbyjensen says:

    “men married the woman they were with when they were ready to get married.”

    I have read this also, in a blog that centers around woman’s issues dealing with men, I believe. It has some meat to it.
    They say timing is everything, right? Well, timing is certainly important I agree, but not necessarily identifiable. Meaning that sometimes we think we are ready, but really aren’t.

    Successful relationships seem to boil down to the usual suspects; trust, honesty, communication etc. And yes, timing is included here.

    I do believe however that there is also the “Click” factor. A couple may not be looking for a partner, but they seem to click over time and no matter what happens in the relationship, they seem to stay the course.

    Good topic!

  3. Teifion says:

    On one hand I could pretend to be clever by posting up a graph showing what I thought were the statistical odds of yay/nay based on how far you stick it out. However, even if I were einstein I don’t think it’s what you’d want nor what would make the most sense to you in your current situation. The post quite clearly shows that there are elements of love that can’t be predicted and that would nullify any graph or table.

    Well that was a good paragraph of talking without actually saying anything! The thing is, timing plays a role in so many things that can’t be brought down into numbers, humour would be the best (and off-hand only) example of such a thing. The problem (in my opinion, it’s not a fact) then is not what you can do to improve (though it’s a good second place) but how you can best deal with the situation and circumstances that are thrown upon you.

    And that isn’t something I think I can impart through the medium of text, it’s something you need to want to do and it must click. My advice that I think would help you achieve such a state of mind is to try to think about other things, take up a new hobby (I suggest programming but I’m a geek so maybe ask someone else about that one) if you have to. Make sure that you’re not sitting around (at the computer or otherwise) and feeling bad about something.

    Much like you cannot concentrate yourself to sleep, you (probably) cannot concentrate yourself to be stress free. I will continue to pray for you :)

  4. 20forty says:

    I’ve read the same thing somewhere. I think there’s probably truth in it. I do believe that the right timing is crucial especially when that first connection is made. The guy I mentioned the other day, the one I told about my blog, is a perfect example. We first met online last spring. We exchanged email addresses and started to get to know each other. Then he just vanished…completely quit writing. I had no idea what happened. He told me a few days ago that he had just gotten out of a bad relationship and got cold feet. Said he was too hesitant to pull the trigger. He even said that he regretted not following through now. But the truth of the matter is that the timing just wasn’t right. If he had followed through, odds are things would not have gone well. He wasn’t ready. The timing wasn’t right. Now that several months have gone by, he has had time to deal with that and is in a better place to look for a relationship. Yep, timing is everything!


  5. SINgleGIRL says:

    Thanks everyone. I’m glad to know that I’m not the outlier on this topic. If the timing isn’t right, it just isn’t right. Not sure how that might affect my life in the next few days/weeks/months – but like I said, it’s been on my mind.