Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

The New Year

I’m not going to do resolutions.  What would be the point?  Most of the things that are causing me stress are completely beyond my control.  All I can really do is keep going.  Keep trying. Keep being as honest and sincere and open and I can be and hope that someday all of my hard work and good karma will pay off.

But I know that not everyone gets what they deserve in this life.  Sometimes bad things happen to good people.  Some people live their whole lives with nothing but struggle and sadness.  I don’t believe that it has anything to do with “deserving”.  It’s just the way the world is.  I guess that’s why I can’t stand so much of the self-helpy stuff floating about the net.  I will never believe that my destiny is complety within my control or that there is a “secret” to happiness and I also don’t really believe in a higher power.  I just believe in doing the best I can and hoping it all works out.

Wow, what a downer I am today.

But maybe reading that first will help you to understand the next thing I’m about the to say,  I had a really, really nice time with Mr. Potential last night and this morning.  Nicer than I even thought I might.  It was the best time we’ve ever had together.  We cooked together, which can be stressful if you’re not in sync and it was a complete delight.  And we had lots of .  And it was better , frankly, than we usually have (not that it’s usually not good, but there are shades of good).  And yet I feel like I have no idea if he will be in my life in two weeks.  None.  And I don’t think there’s a thing I can do about it.

I’ve unhidden my profile and and will start to see other people.  He knows about this and seems actually relieved about it.  I’m not sure he realizes that this means we won’t be spending the night together anymore.  I made an exception for NYE because we’d had those plans, but I really don’t believe in sleeping (not a euphemism for having sex) with a guy while continuing to see other people.  He and I can still have sex, but not spend the whole night together.  Things are going to have to become far more casual between us.  Looking forward into the next few weeks, I just can’t imagine how this might play out.  I think it’s pretty likely it will just pull us completely apart.

Which is just funny because I finally got the guts to tell him I have a .  I didn’t give him the name or too many details.  Just that I was an anonymous blogger and that I wrote about dating and relationships.  Ugh.  It’s hurting me to replay this all in my head.

And so today I am struck with this bizarre sadness.  The fact that me and Mr. Potential had a good night is almost completely negated by the fact that I am looking into 2009 and see nothing but confusion and probably more lonliness.  Happy New Year.

Oh, today’s of the Day is The New Year by Death Cab for Cutie.

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7 to “The New Year”

  1. Teifion says:

    I have a tendency to rush into things, and by tendency I mean it happens all the time. I get an idea and BAM! I’ve spent an hour coding up the idea before someone comes up with a better idea. This is not exactly the same but the same lesson applies. It is a lesson of patience.

    There’s nothing that you need to be doing right now (that I know of). The relationship is not waiting on you to spend a night with him or unhide your profile. You should relax and await what may come, be it good or bad.

  2. recklessstudio says:

    What Teifion just said seemed very similar to what you told me on Twitter the other night about Girl in Q and her text messaging.

    But, whether or not you believe in the self-help stuff or the “secret” is beyond the point. The points are optimism, positivity and trust.

    And they all have to do with yourself. If you see confusion and loneliness in your future, OF COURSE that’s what you’re going to get. I mean, you’re LOOKING for it, so it’ll be easy to find.

    But if you see clarity and companionship (or your personal opposite of loneliness), then your optimism and positive thinking WILL allow you to look for these moments and opportunities.

    I can speak for everyone here when I say we want the best for you and if we were capable of giving it to you, we would.

    You just have to trust yourself in knowing that it will work out the way it’s supposed to and you will be happy.

  3. derek7272 says:

    Some people live their whole lives with nothing but struggle and sadness, yes, but some people manage to find happiness through circumstances much more dire than not having a boyfriend.

    Okay, I realize you don’t tell us everything on the blog — but even so, I stand by my comment unless you have a terminal degenerative illness you haven’t mentioned. I’m reminded of Paul Esposito, that waiter who lost both his legs in the Staten Island ferry crash … and yet has managed to stay positive and refused to be bitter throughout his whole ordeal.

    There may be things in your life beyond your control, sure, but why focus on that stuff? It can’t cause you stress unless you let it. SERENITY NOW!

  4. 20forty says:

    I’ll be honest and tell you that I think “The Secret” saved my life…okay, at the very least my sanity. I won’t pretend I’ve gotten everything I’ve wished for or that I can magically manifest everything I want. But I do know this, what it did was change my attitude and my outlook. I’m a much more positive person and, most importantly, I’m happier than I’ve ever been…seriously, literally. It changed the way I looked at life and especially my own life and my own circumstances. I am happy every day. Now that’s not to say that I don’t have a bad day now and again. Everyone does. But what’s important is that when I do have one I can usually turn it around. I’m not trying to convert you girl…just telling you what it did for me.

    That being said, I think your decision regarding Mr. P was a good one. Not because it changes the relationship but because maybe it gives you a little peace. You can’t change people. You can only change your reactions to them. Perhaps this change will give you both a little more of what you need. More importantly, maybe it will change your perspective on the situation and enable you to figure out to resolve how you feel about it and how to move forward…with or without Mr. P.


  5. SINgleGIRL says:

    Patience. Yes, it is something I have never had enough of in my own life. I have neverending patience for other people and for work but my sick sense of, “life is too short – you must work hard to be happy” has me pushing sometimes when really the best thing to do is just wait and see. Thanks for the reminder.
    Thanks as always for your support. I do believe that everything will turn out OK, whatever “OK” looks like.
    What made you think I was talking about myself when I said, “some people”. LOL. I was very much saying that life is a crapshoot. That not everyone gets what they want. That life isn’t fair. I truly believe that. I don’t think any reasonable person can look around the world and believe that life is fair and that everyone gets what they deserve.

    Whether or not the BIG PICTURE (not silly romantic things) stuff in my life works out is beyond my control. The dating stuff, well, as I told Mr. Potential a few days ago, that doesn’t even rate on my stress-o-meter. But please don’t tell me how to feel. There are plenty of “don’t worry, be happy” people out there in the world/on the web. I’m not one of them and never will be. I don’t judge those who choose to look at the world that way. I ask that I not be judged for my perspective. This is, after all, my site.
    I’m glad you found a resourse that brought you addition direction and solace. I find that now and again when I read new things, talk to new people. I agree with you that it was important for me to do something in regards to Mr. Potential. I don’t believe I can change people. I also don’t believe people change. I am doing some additional things in the next few days to shake up my world, some of which I will write about here. I need to move ahead. If Mr. Potential wants to be a part of my life he can work to find a way to do that. Or not.

  6. derek7272 says:

    Hey … please don’t think I was judging you … just sharing my perspective, which you can either take or ignore, of course. Personally I don’t think in terms of whether life is unfair or fair or if “people get what they deserve.” We don’t deserve jack shit — we are entitled to exactly nada; not even the same opportunities as other folks. It’s all just about what we manage to create/get for ourselves. At least in my humble opinion….

  7. Great tune, and I’m not even into that genre. I really love it!