Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

New Year’s Eve Update

Just moments after I woke up this morning I received a text from Mr. Potential, “Honey, I’m home.”  (He flew home on the red eye.)  I thought it was funny on many levels.  I sent him a “Welcome home” reply.

I’m only working until mid-afternoon today.  Then, the plan is, I’m going straight to Mr. P’s place. I live in a neighborhood overrun with tourists, whereas his area should be much more mellow.  I brought an overnight bag to work and picked up a nice bottle of bubbly and even a little treat for him.

We are probably going to go out to someplace near his apartment.  He lives within a few blocks of a dozen or so great restaurants.  Or maybe we’ll go grocery shopping and cook together.  We both love to cook and cooking together is something we’ve said in the past that we wanted to do.  Whichever, we’re planning a pleasant, low-key night.

So it sounds like we’re good, right?

Well, I have no fuckin clue.

I couldn’t sleep the other night (Monday, I think).  It was the middle of the night here but it wasn’t that late in CA so I texted him and asked him if he was busy and did he want to talk.  I wasn’t thinking it would be a “talk”.  I just had and wanted to talk with someone because I couldn’t sleep.  He called me right away and immediately apologized to me for my .  So, of course I asked him why he was apologizing.  It wasn’t his fault that I couldn’t sleep.  So he replied that he was the one causing me stress.

I chuckled a bit and told him that sure, he was on my mind a bit then listed 5 other big issues in my life (all of which he knows about but we haven’t gotten into some of them at all because I have kept an emotional distance from him).  I explained that while I liked him and would like things to work out with him it was either going to work out or it wasn’t.  And that it really wasn’t something I was stressing over.  That I thought he and I approached relationships in different ways.  That I decided I liked a person and then took a few steps forward, saw them more (had more sex – I specifically pointed out that seeing each other more and having sex more was a motivating factor) and that if it turned out that we were ill-suited for one another then we just stopped seeing each other.  And that I didn’t see the whole process of meeting someone and entering a relationship as such a big deal.  While he was far more cautious and that he clearly needed a lot of time to make decisions about these things.

He interrupted and said, “You know it’s not about you.  I really like you.  It’s about all relationships.” or something like that.

So he’s a .  And I’ve said before that if that was the case that I could cope with it.  So I’ll try to cope with it.  I’ll give him more time, while I continue to access whether or not I even like him enough to bother.

Happy New Year?

Oh, one thing I have promised myself I will do.  If things are going well between us, sometime in the next 24 hours I plan on telling Mr. Potential that I have a .  I don’t think we’ll get to the point of my actually showing him this or giving him the name.  But I want to put it out there.


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7 to “New Year’s Eve Update”


  1. Teifion says:

    I’m really happy to hear that things are looking up and eagerly await more of what I suspect and hope will be good news.

  2. recklessstudio says:

    Meh, just have some fun. If he’s a commitment-phobe and really likes you, obviously, he going to try to allow himself to let go of his doubt. It’s just going to take some time. What’s important is to figure out what’s your patience threshold.

    You’ll be fine! I know you will.

    Telling him about the blog should be interesting, considering how I know (from your past experiences) it could possibly change things. But it’s just another part of yourself you are opening up. I think he’ll respond well, though.

    Have a great time and happy new year!

  3. bobbyjensen says:

    Well, have a great time and happy new year! :)

  4. 20forty says:

    You know I learned a lesson yesterday about the blog thing. I started talking to a guy I had met on Match last spring but had never met in person for several reasons. Anyway we reconnected and started texting back and forth. At some point he asked me what I liked to do for fun. Since I really love blogging, I decided what the hell and mentioned the blog in my response. Then he asked what it was called. I took a deep breath and told him knowing he would check it out. Turns out he thought it was really cool and even said it was kind of a turn on. Today we were chatting again and making plans to maybe meet up tonight. He asked why I liked him. I told him honestly that one of the things I liked was that he didn’t run away when he read 20-forty. Here’s what I figure…I am probably the most honest about myself when I blog so right off the bat he gets a taste of the real me and, if he sticks around after that, that’s gotta be a good sign!

    lisaq

  5. derek7272 says:

    How many guys out there in nyc that are still single by their late 30s and who *aren’t* commitmentphobes? Assuming they’re not divorced, unattractive or damaged in some major way? Just wondering…

  6. Teifion says:

    @derek They could be social shut-ins or those lacking in confidence to name just two things.

  7. SINgleGIRL says:

    First, thanks everyone for your warm wishes.
    -recklessstudio,
    That’s an interesting way of putting me, “my patience threshold”. I’ve put up with an awful lot from guys over the years. I need to figure out how much patience I have for this and for him.
    -lisaq,
    I thought a lot about your comment after I read it yesterday and it helped to give me the confidence to tell Mr. P about the blog. Of course, I didn’t give him the NAME. But it was a step. I guess I need to trust him more before I can give him the name and I’d like to sit with him the first time he sees it.
    -derek7272,
    That’s a nice joke, but I don’t thing it rings true as a statement about single guys in NYC. I have a lot of single male friends and they are not all commitment-phobes.
    -Teifion
    Yes, maybe I should start dating shut-ins.