Just moments after I woke up this morning I received a text from Mr. Potential, “Honey, I’m home.” (He flew home on the red eye.) I thought it was funny on many levels. I sent him a “Welcome home” reply.
I’m only working until mid-afternoon today. Then, the plan is, I’m going straight to Mr. P’s place. I live in a neighborhood overrun with tourists, whereas his area should be much more mellow. I brought an overnight bag to work and picked up a nice bottle of bubbly and even a little treat for him.
We are probably going to go out to someplace near his apartment. He lives within a few blocks of a dozen or so great restaurants. Or maybe we’ll go grocery shopping and cook together. We both love to cook and cooking together is something we’ve said in the past that we wanted to do. Whichever, we’re planning a pleasant, low-key night.
So it sounds like we’re good, right?
Well, I have no fuckin clue.
I couldn’t sleep the other night (Monday, I think). It was the middle of the night here but it wasn’t that late in CA so I texted him and asked him if he was busy and did he want to talk. I wasn’t thinking it would be a “talk”. I just had insomnia and wanted to talk with someone because I couldn’t sleep. He called me right away and immediately apologized to me for my insomnia. So, of course I asked him why he was apologizing. It wasn’t his fault that I couldn’t sleep. So he replied that he was the one causing me stress.
I chuckled a bit and told him that sure, he was on my mind a bit then listed 5 other big issues in my life (all of which he knows about but we haven’t gotten into some of them at all because I have kept an emotional distance from him). I explained that while I liked him and would like things to work out with him it was either going to work out or it wasn’t. And that it really wasn’t something I was stressing over. That I thought he and I approached relationships in different ways. That I decided I liked a person and then took a few steps forward, saw them more (had more sex – I specifically pointed out that seeing each other more and having sex more was a motivating factor) and that if it turned out that we were ill-suited for one another then we just stopped seeing each other. And that I didn’t see the whole process of meeting someone and entering a relationship as such a big deal. While he was far more cautious and that he clearly needed a lot of time to make decisions about these things.
He interrupted and said, “You know it’s not about you. I really like you. It’s about all relationships.” or something like that.
So he’s a commitment-phobe. And I’ve said before that if that was the case that I could cope with it. So I’ll try to cope with it. I’ll give him more time, while I continue to access whether or not I even like him enough to bother.
Happy New Year?
Oh, one thing I have promised myself I will do. If things are going well between us, sometime in the next 24 hours I plan on telling Mr. Potential that I have a blog. I don’t think we’ll get to the point of my actually showing him this blog or giving him the name. But I want to put it out there.
Tags: blog, commitment-phobe, insomnia, texts