I love to read. I think I’ve mentioned several times that I’d rather stay home and read than be on a date with someone I don’t like a lot.
So why am I mentioning this now? 2 reasons:
1) To reiterate that I don’t actually enjoy dating. In fact, I dislike it intensely. I’ve stated this many times. Many, many, many times. For me, dating is a means to an ends. It’s the very first steps towards an eventual future relationship. I like being in relationships. It makes me happy to have a partner(for many reasons, one of them being the sex, but of course I can get sex in other ways). I am completely open and honest about this with all of the men I meet, just as I am with you lovely folks out here in the blogosphere. I am not asking anyone to agree with me. Or even to understand why I feel the way I do. This is the way I feel. This is the way I think. I am comfortable with myself and don’t feel that I am wrong or defective in any major way. So, it’s kind of a waste of time for anyone to try to convince me that I am wrong. That I should learn to enjoy dating. Learn to take things slow. Be open to the possibilties. That I should radically change my views on sex, dating and relationships.
2) Reading is a funny thing. There is what’s on the page and then what each reader projects onto the page from their own personal experiences. Much of what”s written in my comments (And I love that people comment. I love that there is a dialogue. But I will be honest, the tone of some of the dialogue in the last few days has been a real turn off for me. I tried to make light of it in my last post, but failed miserably. I was not saying that I think men are like mice, but was mocking some of the comments warning me to not talk with Mr. Potential because I would chase him away and that it was a miracle he hadn’t run already as I had been so rude as to dare hide my profile and then speak with him about it after only one month of dating. I found these views absurd and was mocking them. I think men and women are equally capable of frank conversations about the status of relationships and the reason so many relationships go awry is because people are afraid to speak up and declare their desires. ) seems to be about the commenters projecting their own issues into my life. And that’s cool. That’s what we do as readers. But let’s get clear here – I am an actual 3 dimensional, real world person. I share a tiny fraction of my world, mostly out of context (you don’t know about my family, finances, values, upbringing, friends, etc) on my blog. When you make wild assumptions about things that have no relationship to my reality and then judge me based on those assumptions, it’s kind of distasteful. Please think. I very much welcome your comments. And your encouragement warms my heart. Just think.
So moving on- Mr. Potential seems to feel really good about our talk. I received very nice texts from him last nice and this morning. I’m happy about that. I tried to keep the drama/tension level of our talk to a minimum (Of course, I didn’t say anything about checking to see if he was online). It was just about clarification because I felt he was sending me mixed signals and I like things clear. Lack of clarity makes me unhappy and I have every right to be happy. I didn’t want to go into NYE with a cloud over my head as my last serious relationship ended on NYE and that’s already providing me with enough baggage, thank you very much (no, Mr. Potential doesn’t know about that unpleasant anniversary and there’s no reason for him to know).
But more importantly, it’s clearer to me that he and I are probably just poorly suiited for one another. I don’t need a lot of time to know whether or not I want to be in a relationship with someone. The way I see it, if it turns out that we aren’t well suited for one another then the relationship won’t last. No big deal. But I want to get in there and get involved and do the work and find out. Really find out. I know that not everyone works this way. Some people need months to date casually and see if maybe they might want to invest in a person on that level. I don’t think those two types of people are compatible and it seems that Mr. Potential is in the latter group. I’m OK with that. I don’t feel the need to make myself unhappy for the next few months while he tries to figure things out. I don’t think it has anything to do with me (Maybe it does, but I don’t think so. It’s just the way he is.).
Oh, you might be wondering why I titled this post Gloomy Monday. Well, I’ll be honest with you. Usually I read the comments and they make me feel good. Like writing ths blog is a good thing and I’m glad I do it. But not today. Today I felt like if I had to go and write individual replies to everyone and actually “defend” myself against every off target statement I’d get nothing else done. And that made me feel gloomy (clearly I didn’t bother).
Tags: comments, Dating update, thank you