I was really suprised by the comments from my last post. From what I gather, the general consensus (here, not what I was getting from DM on Twitter and from friends) is that men are fragile creatures who cannot be rushed. They are easily intimidated and when you try to speak with them once a month (for clarity, once at the end of 1 month of dating and once at the end of the 2nd month) on the status of your relationship (and we are speaking of a man with whom I am having regular sexual relations with, btw) that this will chase him away because that is just more than the average guy can handle. In fact, wanting to know about the status of one’s relationship because you are feeling restless, not getting what you need from said relationship and thinking you might want to move on soon if it’s not going to go anywhere makes a woman officially “needy”.
This may all very well be true. If so, then I want absolutely nothing to do with these “average” men. They seem like timid little mice to me. Indecisive, spineless wusses. No thanks. I’d rather be single.
And even as I write this I am reminded of a conversation I had with one of my exes, years ago. He and I were attempting to do the exes who turn into FWB thing (the sex was so great and so it was worth a shot) but couldn’t because he was just essentially an asshole. We had dated for about 6 or 7 months and it started out exactly the way things did with me and Mr. Potential. Except I didn’t do the hide my profile thing and I didn’t speak with him about the status of our relationship, until we’d been dating for about 6 or 7 months. And then I spoke up and said the equavalent of “so, where are we”. It turns out that we were nowhere. That he had no intention of ever having it turn into anything. He was just having fun, enjoying the great, regular sex. If I had asked earlier I would have known earlier and thus ended it earlier and moved on earlier (yeah, the sex was great but I wanted more and he was never going to give it to me).
Anyway, our conversation: He said that he wasn’t really interested in having a girlfriend (this was months after we ended things) because there were just so many wonderful women to meet and date in NYC. He didn’t want to limit himself. Why have a serious girlfriend when he could go out with a different amazing woman every week?
So when I spoke with Mr. Potential on the phone this morning and he said that he still wasn’t sure about things and was really kind of wishy washy about it I was simultaneous turned off by his indecisiveness and sure he was just a lying player. Either way, he loses. Because I don’t want a ring or anything “real” from him. I just want both of us to get more invested, more emotionally invested in this relationship. Right now it’s fun and fine but kind of unfulfilling for me. And speaking of unfulfilling, we only see each other 1 or 2 times a week and I need more sex than that. I’m a minimum 3x a week gal. But we can’t see each other that often if he’s still waffling.
So I am officially re opening my search. He can still be a contender but he’s going to have some competition soon. I have heard from several guys that maybe this will get him to take action, for fear of losing me. That would be so lame. I hate shit like that. I hate games. I hate being manipulated and I don’t want to try to manipulate him. I just feel like it’s time to do something, because the status quo is not good enough for me and he sure is hell isn’t going to do anything to change it.
And now, for some completely bizarro news. One of my exes has kind of dropped back onto the scene in a maybe more than friends way. I am so not sure if that’s a good idea. But it’s nice to be wanted by someone…
Tags: Dating update, men