Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

How Many Times Can I Be Wrong (and still keep going)? Redux

In the (I get some really great , btw, if you don’t read them, you should) Derek7272 asked me what happened to the guy.

So, here’s how the story ended.  One day (I think I was probably 29, but maybe not.  Maybe 28 or 30, as I’ve mentioned before I have a horrible sense of time.) I realized that he and I would never, ever, ever end up together.  No matter what.  No matter what I did, or risked or sacrificed.  He and I had been talking and he said something that made it all click for me.  He repeated again that I was his soulmate and that he thought about me and talked about me all of the time.  But then he said something really inconsiderate and selfish.  He didn’t realize it, but it crushed me.

And then I realized what I was to him.  I was his fantasy girl. The “big fish” story.  The one who got away.

I wasn’t real to him. He wanted to live his safe, nice suburban life(which was the antitheis of everything I ever wanted, btw) and dream about what it might have been like if we stuck it out.

Whereas I was willing to leave my intense, urban world and try to find a way to blend into his life and make it work with him, in his world.  Because I thought we were soulmates and therefore belonged together.  Have I mentioned that as this point we were not living in the same country?

And once I realized that basic truth I knew that I had to cut all contact and get on with my life.  And that’s what I did. I’m only sorry it took me so long to catch on.


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4 to “How Many Times Can I Be Wrong (and still keep going)? Redux”


  1. bobbyjensen says:

    The hardest I was ever slapped was from reality.

  2. cjw666 says:

    Very astute and perceptive of you and well done for realising.

    I’ve often wondered if many of us are truly looking for that person who is so ideal that they are indeed our perfect companion in life’s journey, or if we’re really at times looking for someone who, for a while at least, will enable us to be the person we wish we were.

    However, are you really sure you’re looking for another “soulmate”, or are you perhaps still looking for a carbon copy of that first one to become real after all?

  3. SINgleGIRL says:

    -cjw66
    I am certain that I am NOT looking for another soulmate. I don’t even believe in soulmates anymore. I’m now looking for a partner, something totally different.

  4. derek7272 says:

    i saw this bumper sticker out in wyoming this summer:

    Work like you don’t need the money,
    dance like no one is looking,
    and love like you’ve never been hurt