It was two and a half years ago, more or less. I’m really bad with time. Work was hectic. I’d had a string of emotionally exhausting relationships in the year prior. And, well, I came to the conclusion that the very last thing I needed was another boyfriend. I just couldn’t deal with another guy and his BS. But that didn’t mean I wanted to live without sex. And so I made the strategic decision to openly look for a NSA relationship. A guy who I would see on a regular basis for sex and nothing more than sex. A fuck-buddy, but someone consistent and dependable.
So I set up an online personals ad that stated pretty explicitly what I was looking for (and I have to admit, that was pretty embarrassing for me). And lo and behold, it’s a lot easier to find a guy for a NSA relationship than it is for a LTR. Seriously. I was pretty picky, spending weeks meeting guys who seemed cute and interesting. But when it came down to it what I was looking for was pure physical attraction and chemistry (and someone who wouldn’t annoy the hell out of me, but that’s another story).
I met someone who was a pretty good match for what I was looking for and he and I started seeing each other once or twice a week. Enough to take the edge off but not so much that it was weird to be spending so much time with this person who I really didn’t know well and didn’t want to know any better. I have to say, I was pretty happy with the way things were working out. Sexually we were pretty compatible. We were having a lot of fun. The rules were simple, we got together (sometimes for a drink out but usually just at my place), had sex, and he left. No spending the night. No cuddling.
And then one night, after a couple of months or so, he says to me after we’d had a particularly fun time, “So, would you like to get together and see a movie sometime next week. Or don’t you want to do stuff like that?” And so began one of the strangest relationships I’ve ever had.
I wasn’t looking for the relationship, but here was someone who seemed easy to get along with so I figured why not. Big mistake. I never knew where we were, in terms of intimacy and commitment levels. Sometimes he would act like he was my serious boyfriend, and other times he would act like I was just one of several women he was sleeping with (which I kind of knew to not be true, but that’s the way he acted sometimes). Even after we started dating, we wouldn’t spend the night together. He would say it was my issue (fear of intimacy, I guess). But then I rearranged my schedule to make it easier for him to spend the night at my place sometimes (long story) and he still didn’t.
Things came to a head on New Year’s Eve. He asked me weeks in advance if I’d like to go to a party with him. A friend of his was throwing a big bash. I figured it was a break through. We’d be out most of the night so surely we’d spend the rest of it together. And I’d be meeting some of his friends. So that was something too, I thought. Well, the spending the night together turned into a strange joke with us exchanging sophmoric emails about it in advance. And then at the party one of his friends asked me, “Are you ___’s girlfriend?” and I honestly didn’t know what to say because he’d been ignoring me for the hour prior. I replied, “you should probably ask him”. His friend looked at me as if I had 2 heads.
The relationship limped along for a couple of more weeks. I wanted to make it work. The sex was good and we had fun together. But there was just something essentially defective about the way we communicated with one another. I would guess that if we met another way that we might have had a chance at a more functional relationship. But then who knows? If we met another way we might not have even made it past the first date.
Tags: fuckbuddy, LTR, NSA, online dating profiles