Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Goddamn New Year’s Eve

I’ve spent much of the last 48 hours ruminating on my situation with Mr. Potential.  I know I said that I was just going to be patient about it, but there was this thing, this stupid thing that’s been nagging at me.

New Year’s Eve is less than two weeks away.   Mr. Potential is supposed to be returning from his trip on the 30th (he mentioned his flight plans the day he made them and I’ve had it on my mind since).  So there was no reason that I could think of for him to not have asked me to do something with him that night.  I even brought up New Years the other night, but he didn’t take the hint.

And so I was kind of stewing.  I’ve been the one to initiate our last couple of dates. That makes me feel like I am choosing him and he is just, you know, going along with it.  Now, that’s not the way he treats me.  And he’s been busy with work and preoccupied with other things and so there are perfectly good reasons why he hasn’t been taking the lead (not that that makes me feel better).

I should also say that New Year’s Eve is a date on the calendar that I look on with dread.  My last LTR officially ended last New Year’s Eve.  It was dying a slow and painful death for weeks before that, but that was the day that things came to a dead stop.  And on New Year’s Eve the year before last I realized that my then relationship was on much shakier/weirder ground than I’d realized.  We split up a few weeks later.  So the fact that I have a guy in my life who I’d like to spend that night with is a big(gish) deal and fraught with anxiety.

So, I decided that the easiest and quickest way to resolve it was to tell him that I’d like to kiss him on New Year’s Eve.  That’s exactly what I said.  And that if he had other plans I’d understand.  Then things got really confusing.  Because he got happy and enthusiastic, at first, saying he’d been thinking a lot about it and had been meaning to mention it and maybe we could go upstate to a B&B since we’ve both mentioned we hate New Year’s Eve parties in the city.  And then, he immediately followed that with saying that he was also thinking he might change his flight plans to have more time to hang out with some old friends and so might not be back for New Years.

So I told him it was OK that he didn’t know.  I was OK making tentative plans without him.  We talked a little about what we might do if he were in town (update B&B is out, I need to be in town that day) and left it that he would tell me as soon as he knew.  But there was this unsettled air about the conversation.  Like he was nervous to even be having it.  Maybe he assumed I’d be mad.  Maybe he’s thinking I am mad and just hiding it.  I’m not.  I’m not attracted to his lack of decisiveness, but I’m not mad.

Maybe it’s better if he stays away a few days longer and we don’t see each other that night.  We can do something special, get out of the city maybe, the next weekend.  Maybe the holidays coming so early in our relationship just put extra stress on him while he’s still trying to figure stuff out.  Whatever.  I’m going to try to go back to being patient now.


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9 to “Goddamn New Year’s Eve”


  1. recklessstudio says:

    You’ll be ok. You were doing so well. I feel like he may be a little hesitant because of the holidays and its significance. Holidays are tough in general. There is such a risk of coming across baggage. But by being patient, you’ll get what you both want.

    By the way, he’s probably just not used to you being so ok with everything. Let him get used to it…but not too used to it.

  2. DC Dating Diva says:

    Question…how long have you two been seeing/dating/sleeping with each other???

    Not that it should matter, but I think it plays a part…in the whole spending time together around Major holidays syndrome…if he’s scared of NYE, what happens on V-Day? (I know that’s awhile away…but as soon as New Years passes, you’ll see hearts everywhere, along with the other hallmark fanfare)

  3. cjw666 says:

    Maybe he really, REALLY doesn’t want to do NYE in NY city and liked the idea of you two together upstate until you told him “no” because you need to be there in the city?

    Then again, maybe he’s really an alien from outer space trying to figure out the Earth/human relationship thing :)

    Who knows, eh?

  4. SINgleGIRL says:

    -recklessstudio,
    I hear you. I don’t want him to think I’m a complete doormat.
    -DC Dating Diva,
    How long? I think it’s been 7 weeks now. Or maybe now it’s 8. Gosh, I’d have to go back and read the archives and I don’t have time for that this morning. I suck at things like that (anniversaries and such). I don’t have that “romantic” gene where I remember shit like that. I slept with him on the 4th date. We see each other 1 or 2 times a week depending on how busy we both are. And yeah, the holidays right now are kind of bad timing.
    -cyw666,
    I don’t think he’s actually an alien, but given my history with men I wouldn’t rule it out. I came up with lots of easy, low stress things we could do in the city (including stay in and cook together at his place which is no where near where all of the chaos will be). Who knows?

  5. Hypatia says:

    This: “I’ve been the one to initiate our last couple of dates. That makes me feel like I am choosing him and he is just, you know, going along with it.” Drives me CRAZY! I feel the same way!

    I mean, I’m not a “rules” girl by any stretch of the imagination… But is it too much to ask that you actually put a little forethought into seeing me?!….

    Oh. wait. Sorry, got sidetracked by my own life there…. :-p

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Hypatia,
    Seriously, If I didn’t know that he was so busy right now with work and he wasn’t so sweet and thoughtful right now, I wouldn’t put up with it. I don’t believe in “rules” but I can’t stand having to be the one who does the asking. It really pissed me off.

  7. DC Dating Diva says:

    Well if it’s only been two months so to speak, I can see where the apprehension comes in…it’s still an “undefined” relationship, still new in some respects…. I think spending NYE together is a lot of pressure… you know the saying, what you do on NYE or who you spend it with, is how the rest of the year plays out…not one to belive in it, but for the last 3 I worked…hence spent the whole year working….not this year, I’ll be in Jamaica with friends…

    I wouldn’t stree about it though…Valentine’s Day is around the corner…

  8. derek7272 says:

    After seven weeks of sleeping together, you still can’t stand being the one who does the asking when it comes to getting together? When he’s busy at work? Really? That seems so … well, for all I know all girls think like this. But if so I never realized it… and he probably won’t either unless you tell him. (Girls can actually be really different in how they want to be treated, actually). I think in my past relationships, I took the lead early-on when it came to initiating dates, but I’m sure after a month or two it was more 50-50 – with ebbs and flows depending on how busy we were with work etc.

  9. 20forty says:

    Ya know normally I might agree with derek7272 but I wonder if this guy is still hedging his bets. I mean sure if it were a month or more into and he wasn’t still active on the dating site, but given that he is I think that makes a different. Plus, agreeing enthusiastically, mentioning the B & B and then almost retracting? I dunno girl. NYE sucks.

    lisaq