Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

My Baby Cares for ???

OK, I finally changed the .  It’s still , though. I’ve moved on, thematically, to My Baby Just Cares for Me (as an added bonus for those of you who listen the whole way through, there’s a totally whacked out interview with Nina at the end of the song – I love YouTube).

Speaking of ‘My Baby Just Cares for Me’, as a theme, I’ve been thinking a lot over the last few days about exactly what it is about Mr. Potential’s behavior that has me so pissed off.  As more than one of my fabulous readers has commented, he hasn’t lied to me.  He told me he was keeping his profile up. We’re taking things slowly, but that’s not a bad thing.  I have no right to be mad at him for that.  Even if it does mean that I am keeping some things to myself that I’d rather have out in the open.

When it comes down to it, I’m pissed off because I can feel that he isn’t swooning for me.  That ‘my baby doesn’t just care for me’ all that much.  That he can do without me just fine.  That if I were to disappear from his life tomorrow he wouldn’t be heartbroken.  I’ve said it before, that he’s just not that into me.

And I kind of need that feeling from a guy.  That longing.  A measurable level of passion.  I need that more than I need other things. I want to be clear.  It’s not external validation I’m talking about.  Please don’t confuse the two.

I know passion fades and only a nitwit would try to build a lifelong on passion and nothing else.  I’m not a complete idiot.  I guess I’m still naive enough to hope that I can find a man with whom I can share passion and the building blocks of a healthy, mature (OK, maybe I am a complete idiot).

It’s been recently suggested by more than one reader (on Twitter I think, gosh, too many freakin ways to communicate) that Mr. Potential is purposely behaving the way he is so as to throw me off my .  So that I don’t get too comfortable, I guess.  I hope that’s not the case.  That’d be a really silly move on his part.  He might think he’s communicating, “You’re not my girlfriend, yet, so don’t get too comfortable.  Don’t crowd me.”  But what I’m hearing is, “Sorry babe, we’ve been having fun but if you disappeared tomorrow I wouldn’t give it a second thought.”

I could live with the former just fine, as long as I knew he was seriously passionate about me.  Just you known, a . A who couldn’t live without me, I could find all kinds of ways to be patient and make that work.  But a guy who isn’t all that into me?  Well, he’s going to get kicked to the curb,

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11 to “My Baby Cares for ???”

  1. PokerVixen says:

    I think that if you were to look at this from his side he wouldn’t see the assorted swings in interest that you seem to think there are. He’s been busy and yet still communicative so he probably appreciates you not being clingy or needy.

    Also, keep in mind that he proposed Christmas plans and you didn’t agree. That very well may have kept him taking a cautious, self protective approach.

    The way I read it, from all your posts. He likes you and enjoys you. He does indeed have great potential but he’s gunshy about getting hurt as well. Don’t over analyze every little move or non move. Enjoy! You’re assuming that he’s not willing to get to know you but I think if you dumped every quirk on ANY person in one big dump, it would throw them off. So reveal yourself to him, but do it gradually.

    Just my 2 cents. That and another 3.93 will get you a cup of coffee.

  2. kingjac says:

    you should follow your heart! i am a man of 41 years and i know you can find someone to love you the way you want! there is always another one and you can keep this one to use to get by the holidays but keep looking the one yo want is out there!

  3. wogs says:

    I can seriously relate to the thought behind all of that. Myself, I look for a certain feedback and emotion, with the right amount of passion. But some of your wants stem from how you’ve been treated in the past, and if you’ve properly dealt with the hurt, pain, anger and sadness.

    If not dealt with, they make each want and desire in your prospect mean even more, and the expectations may not be met. Especially if what you are looking for triggers an intense emotion in you when your not receiving what you are looking for.

    I’ve been divorced for 12 years now, and still even now, I find some issues with the women I approach to date. If they want too much of my time right away for example, I’m turned off very fast.
    I’m looking for something more gradual, and reciprocal.

    Anyways, Happy Holidays, I’ve enjoyed some of your site already, keep up the great content!

    @wogs of Twitter!

  4. cjw666 says:

    Sorry, I know this is going to piss you off even more but, whist you may be ABSOLUTELY 100% right about everything, you sound like you’re behaving as if it IS external validation you’re seeking.

    Equally, if Mr. P. is manipulating you, then he’s doing a damned good job. So, for what my advice is worth (which I appreciate is very little indeed), I would say, “Either stop now and move on, or else examine your motives and then take a deep breath and CHILL, baby! Let him make the running. It’s probably what he wants and it would put YOU back much more in control, which you’re NOT, at the moment.”

  5. SINgleGIRL says:

    I am completely open to the possibility that you are 100% right. I’d be thrilled if you were. I am often wrong and I think it’d be awesome if was wrong now.
    I plan on following my heart. If I don’t start feeling some kind of loving feeling soon, well, like I said… to the curb.
    I don’t doubt that this has something to do with my prior relationships. The reality is that I’ve put up with a lot in prior relationships because the passion was there. And even though I know those sacrifices and choices were foolish, I’m not willing to live without that mutual passion now. Ugh.
    You never piss me off. I appreciate your comments. I know it’s hard to tell/read the difference between what I’m describing and external validation. That’s because I’ve done a poor job of explaining myself. There is a difference though. I’ll have to think a lot about it and write a proper blog post.

  6. recklessstudio says:

    I think this is a situation where his way to putting himself out there was creating Christmas plans. You denied and he must have thought, “hmm, maybe that was a little fast, let’s keep it slow, for now. Especially now since I am so busy, this might be good timing and when things settle down, we can really kick it up a notch.”

    He plays it cool and later, you decide that you are going to put yourself out there. As a result, he doesn’t deny you, really but you felt denied (which is just as much as him outright denying you) and now you’re not keeping it as level-minded as he did.

    I mean, he COULD be making himself available to keep himself seem desirable. Or he may not be interested in jumping into a relationship right now. It’s a tough call, but like I’ve said many, many times, you are not going to get what your answers unless you ask for them.

    Find out immediately, and end your insanity. It’ll either end, go to the next level or stay the same. Clearly, you won’t accept the last result and that’s fine.

    Just remember that he is making some effort – just not the right amount of emotional effort we talked about before.

  7. That Lawyer Dude says:

    What would you expect if the roles were reversed? If you were interested in him, but not crazy passionately so, and that there were things about him that you found irresistable but there were questions. What if he came to you and said, hey no offense but you are just not as into me as I am to you. So I gotta end this and not give you a chance to catch up.”?

    I think you had a talk with Mr. P a week or so ago. Drop it till after the holidays and then broach it yourself unless you already figured it out.

  8. wogs says:

    Passion is number one, second to none for me. Mad props for having a firm knowledge of what you like and dislike, and the passion to decide what you want!

  9. WiiAdam says:

    I’m leaning toward your “feelings” on this. There must be something to these questions you have; all the questioning of where “passion” is, or being “into you” is demonstrated. Just think about the times you’ve spent with Mr. P~~(what demonstrations of his affection, caring, interest-in-your-interests, inquiries about your day, attentiveness during conversation [Sometimes, a good listener is a lot better than a good “talker”], and general attitude (happy, sad, rude, giving, crude) have all played some part in giving you pause about his level of “Caring” about his “baby.” [Thank you, Nina..she’s great!:)]…..Either, you’re “thinking” too much, or not enough.

    However, I’m still stuck on this notion of “the small things” turning into “big things.”….Just be honest in your affections, and see if the reciprocation eventually matches your expectations. Just reading how your agonizing over this (well. maybe not agonizing..but, it’s an important little noodle ain’t it?) makes me leery about Mr. P’s affections toward you.

    Good luck. My suggestion: Hang on, and see what develops for the Holidays. You know, Christmas Time can get all kinds of thoughts floating in people’s heads…If he pulls away during such a “giving” time of year, even that may be a Red Flag! (Yeeps! ..What happened to me: I used to be such a cock-eyed optimist.)


  10. cjw666 says:

    @SINgleGIRL: Yes, it can be difficult to explain things when you’re not talking face to face – it’s just not the same, but I don’t think you ever do a bad job. In fact, I have nothing but admiration for you and this blog – no one can say you haven’t got guts, that’s for sure! :)

  11. DC Dating Diva says:

    Gut feelings are indicators (in most cases) that something isn’t right. Oftentimes we dismiss them, because we don’t want them to be true, Although i am no expert, and you seem to have this down to a science, I’d say go with your gut, until proven otherwise…until he takes that wall down, and let’s you “in”