Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Go Outside

My brain is a bit like a slot machine.  I have all of these random, moving parts in there and every once in a while they all line up and bingo, fruit – fruit – fruit, we have a match.  I have a coherent thought made from three otherwise disparate bits of information (hey, either you get the image or you don’t).

Last night I was doing a phone interview with someone I met on , @DominateDating.  He’s going to use it for a podcast, I guess (I’m not ready to venture into podcasts for this site),  Anyway, we were talking about (go figure) and my impressions of men.  I told him that, honestly, since his listeners would probably skew young, I didn’t have a lot of contact with men under the age of 25 or even 30 (outside of workplace settings).  But that what I was hearing about them confused me.

Stay with me, a few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a male friend and he was saying that none of the young women at his office were having any luck meeting guys.  And I just found that so hard to believe.  I knew these girls.  They were all pretty and very smart.  Some of them were shy, but not so shy that they couldn’t make eye contact with strangers.  And yet, all they talked about at work was that none of them had boyfriends (And were hence easy prey for the office cassanova who would pick them up, play with them and break their hearts, one after another.  But since they were all so lonely each woman would play the, “but he really likes me” game.)

I can remember being young in the city.  There were bars that I’d hang out at with my friends. Not “singles bars” but places that we liked that we felt comfortable in.  There was usually a pool table and/or a great jukebox and, of course, cheap drinks.  And people who wanted to got laid.  It wasn’t that hard.  You saw someone you liked the looks of and you spoke to them.  It could be a one night stand if that’s what you were into or you could hand out your number and go on a date and wind up with a boy/girlfriend.

I didn’t start until after I turned 30, when most everyone I knew had already become a part of a couple and I started to feel like an old lady in those casual, hang-out bars. Plus, by the time I was 30 my career was in full swing and I just didn’t have time to do much more than go online shopping for a boyfriend.

Anyway, back to the slot machine of my brain.  I remember a few years ago I was at a party and a friend was asked how she met her boyfriend.  My friend had had a couple of drinks and so her answer came out louder than it might have otherwise, but there was some real wisdom in it.  She replied, “How did I meet my boyfriend?  I walked outside my apartment and met him crossing the street.”  It’s true, they had actually met crossing the street.  “I’m so sick of listening to people bitch about how they can’t meet anybody.  All they fucking have to do is go outside.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am not a dating or relationship .  And if you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time then surely you know that I don’t know much about much. I’m just feeling my way through.  Trying to learn from my mistakes.  But I do know this, meeting someone to date really isn’t that hard.  Go outside.  Talk to people.  Go places that you like and hang out there often.  Talk to people.  If you’re at an age where most of your friends are no longer single and/or you’re insanely busy, try online dating.  It’s easy as hell.

Meeting people is the easy part.  Heck, getting laid is pretty damn easy, too.  This relationship shit is hard.

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7 to “Go Outside”

  1. recklessstudio says:

    All it takes is putting yourself out there and saying, “Hey.” Sometimes, it does wonders. Other times, you may have to say a little more. But you’re right. Go out and meet people, dammit! There is no excuse to be waiting around for something to happen when you can go out there and make it happen yourself.

  2. kingjac says:

    great story!

  3. cjw666 says:

    Excellent post. A perfect description of the situation.

    Have you considered two things, though?

    Firstly, whatever they may say, quite a few of your friends (you know – the paired up ones) probably envy you because you aren’t committed to something that hasn’t turned out to be half as good as they thought it would be and, secondly, if you’re not meeting the right people where you’re looking (i.e. online at the moment) then maybe you should be looking elsewhere – in a different, bar, restaurant, club, whatever.

    Just a couple of thoughts you understand – keeping an open mind and all that stuff…

  4. 20forty says:

    It’s true, but maybe truer for you in NYC than for someone stuck, say in the middle of small town Kansas. I’m doing my best to broaden my horizons and to cross the street more…metaphorically speaking.

    I do have to say though that, at the moment, I’m over online dating. Around here anyway, it’s just one disappointment after another…again more than likely a result of being geographically challenged.

    I envy you having such a big dating pool, but we work with what we have.


  5. KBB123 says:

    You are right. Not enough women take advantage of the men standing right next to them. I ask my single female friends, “when was the last time YOU said hello first to a guy you thought was cute.” Silence. I think that is not in their rolodex about how they meet Mr. Right.

    Sometimes I think women care more about how they meet Mr. Right than actually meeting him. I seen great guys get turned down by women because of the shoes they were wearing, they were too dressed up, not dressed up enough, and of course, they were too nice. For men, we could care less about who, what, where, when, why, and how we meet Ms. Right.

    The thing that women must understand is that a lot of the luck they are having with men is of their own making. If they change their mind about how to meet men, I think they will meet more quality men.

    Also relationships are hard because of who we are and what we are bringing to it. The thing about love is that the more deeper you fall into it, the more you must work on all of your issues. Everyone has issues, and when true love comes into your life, those issues you have been needing to work on for years become very destructive to your relationship. Your true love relationship depends on your ability to deal with your issues. I think people who have been married for 50 years or who claim they have found their soulmate are people who can deal with their issues for the sake of the relationship.


  6. ZJapan says:

    I enjoyed your article and it is true you have to go out to find people. It is weird though because you can go through periods where no one seems interested. Or maybe this happens to guys more? Living in Japan and having blue eyes and curly hair goes pretty far but really understanding Japanese girls is a while different matters. Yes, I am one of those sometimes moody thinking boys. We’re around and we like Miles Davis a lot.

  7. SINgleGIRL says:

    Dear EVERYONE who has commented so far-
    Thank you so much for commenting. You know I love you ALL. I didn’t mean to imply it was easy. Gosh it’s so not easy. I still rattle with fear whenever I have to walk into a party alone. That’s the one thing that I haven’t conquered. But just talking to people out and about is something I try to do all of the time. I couple of yrs ago I met a guy while on line for lunch (we were both picking up our orders). As to whether I’m meeting the “right” men online? I don’t know if there is such a thing as the man. I am planning to write a bit more about that in later post.
    -lisaq, I can imagine it must be so much harder living someplace with fewer people to chose from. The big dating pool of NYC can be a great blessing. It can also, as I’ve written about, be a great curse as we are all spoiled for choice and people are awfully picky.
    -Zjapan, We all go through dry spells. Seriously. i date pretty prolifically but I’ve gone through a pretty nasty dry spell or two myself.