Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Do As I Say…

A few weeks ago I wrote an article for TSBmag called From Girl to Girlfriend – Making it Happen. I’m no dating expert, but I’ve certainly dated enough guys and had enough boyfriends to be able to write coherently about that stuff.  That’s what I thought, at least.

This morning, as I was trying to get myself motivated to do some work, it occured to me that Mr. Potential isn’t really doing any of the things on my list.  Or, not much/well.

  1. He has been very generous with me.  Embarassingly so.  He has brought me gifts and flowers.  But they were things that had nothing to do with what I’d like.  They had no relation to anything I’d ever expressed an interest in.  He did buy us tickets to see a concert that he knew I’d like because we’d discussed the artist.  And that did impress me.  But other than that, nothing.  No thoughtful links to things he read that he thinks I’d like or anythng like that.  And the concert was 2 weeks ago.
  2. We have not met each other’s friends.  ‘Til the season for holiday parties.  There’s been no mention of going to any together.
  3. He was honest about his feelings when I told him that I hid my online profile. Since then I have been walking on eggshells around him because he seems a little rattled. So now I’m afraid to talk to him about anything of importance because I don’t want to rattle him more.  Emotional openness does not seem to be his strong suit.
  4. He has never asked my opinion about anything, other than what I’d like to eat…
  5. He has been good about that last one. I have a relatively good sense of how he came to be who he is.  How he formed into the adult he is now. In some things. The unknowns are still vast.

So, on the surface, this sounds to me like a guy who isn’t making much of an effort to make me his girlfriend.

A couple of hours ago I came close to just confronting him.  I hate loose ends. I called him and was just going to say something crazy.  I wasn’t even sure what.  I was thinking of telling him to watch his email and then just sending him a link to the blog.  But instead I just went about making plans to see him on Friday,  I decided it would be nicer to do the deed in person.  And, I guess, to give it one more night.  To see if he does something different. something to make me think things are worth investing in.  Maybe I’ll just lay a bunch of my stuff out on the line and see how he reacts.  Life is really more about how we react to what happens, after all.


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5 to “Do As I Say…”


  1. RVASarah says:

    May I suggest, instead of just laying a bunch of stuff out there, pick the 1 or 2 most important things you think he should know and tell him. Chuck Palahniuk said it best: “The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.”

  2. spoiledsometimes says:

    As someone who just started following you I didn’t know that this relationship hasn’t been in the works for as long as I had once thought. I can see someone feeling all these different emotions if say you were 5 months in, but 5 weeks seems a bit sudden and he hasn’t lied about not knowing where he is. I’d say he’s most loudly said that by not hiding his profile. He has however taken you to a concert you wanted, and asked you about holiday plans, but the fact is he’s not going to pop the question any time soon and you may lose him by all the up and down emotion you seem to be going through.

    Take it from a girl who has known her boyfriend over a year, been dating for 10 months, seriously for 5 that although your list sounds great not every man is built or geared to those kinds of things. That doesn’t mean I think any less of my boyfriend, instead I have taken the time to learn how he communicates in his own way the way he feels about me and vice-versa, but it is something that has taken us time and LOTS of talking to reach on our own.

    If you really do like this guy, slow down, give him some space and don’t push. You’ll end up pushing him right out of the picture, and then you’ll only have self sabotage to blame.

  3. 20forty says:

    Hmmm…I would have said it was too early to be worrying, but put in the context of your list I think you may be right. Honestly, the whole gifts that don’t relate to anything you’ve disclosed about yourself is a biggie for me. It says he doesn’t really listen to you or value what’s important to you. That seems like a red flag to me.

    lisaq

  4. recklessstudio says:

    To be short and succinct: Go for it and put yourself out there! In life, without risks, there are no rewards.

  5. SINgleGIRL says:

    Thanks everyone. I think I pretty much responded to your comments with yesterday’s post. I will proceed with caution, but I do need to say something. I can’t completely change who I am or what I need out of a relationship. And most importantly, I need to be honest about who I AM which is something I haven’t really been doing. Not completely. Ugh. Need more coffee.