Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Easy, Simple and Good

Yesterday, after I got home from spending the night with Mr. Potential (followed by a long, cozy morning in bed and then a wonderful ) I spent some time on the phone, catching up with a friend.

At the end of the call, after my friend and I had gone over all of the important details of each of our lives, I said the following, “I know I’m going to sound like a drama queen, but I’m going to say this anyway.  ‘I’d just be so much happier right now with the way things were going with ___ [Mr. Potential] if something in my life were easy, simple and good.'”

My friend got it.  Easy, simple and good.  Sometimes work is like that – everything falling into place, just kind of on autopilot.  You work, you like your work, you pay your bills.

Sometimes things are like that with family and friends.  Everyone is getting along with everyone else.  No one is particularly sick or needy.

And sometimes relationships are like that. You meet someone and it’s like you’ve known each other forever, pretty much right away.  It’s like that other person fits you like a glove.  Sure, those easy, simple and good relationships can be pretty goddamn deceptive in the long run.  Someone who seems ‘just right’ right away can turn into a huge mistake for the long haul.

But, I don’t really have anything in my life that’s easy, simple and good right now.  I have a lot to be thankful for, but the good things in my life all come at a pretty great cost.  2008 has been a rough year for me and 2007 wasn’t any easier.  I’m not whining, I’m just stating a fact. I’ve had a lot of stress and heartache this year and I think I’ve dealt with it pretty damn well, for the most part.

And now I’ve met this guy, after dozens of dates (in 2008 alone, we’re not counting lifetime dates).  And he has a lot of the qualities I look for in a man and so we’ve been dating for about 5-6 weeks (a little recap for my newer readers – you can also use the handy search box in the top right corner and put in ‘Mr. Potential’ if you want to read all of the posts where I mention him). Considering the year I’ve had, it’s nice to have him in my life.  And he really is “MR. POTENTIAL” in terms of a .

But yesterday, sleep deprived and sitting in my messy apt I had to admit that I would’ve traded the possibility of a wonderful future LTR with Mr. Potential for a couple of hours of easy, simple and good.  Maybe even just one hour.  It’s horrible and immature and stupid.  I know.

Things with Mr. Potential continue to proceed at a mature, appropriate pace.  We get along well.  I am learning a little bit more about him each time we see each other.  There are still, so many unknowns and so many things he doesn’t know about me. I don’t think he realizes how many things he doesn’t know about me. And so there are little pieces of me that I find myself having to hide from him.  And that is not easy.  Or simple or good.  But it seems to be what’s best if we are to have a potential LTR.

That’s where all of my anxiety is coming from.  Not some fear that he’s going to meet someone else (as he has an active online profile).  But rather because things are going so slowly between us, it’s taking us a long time to unpack our respective ,  And until we each do that unpacking, well, I can’t really be my true self around him.

Can you hear me sighing?

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6 to “Easy, Simple and Good”

  1. BB32 says:

    I don’t get it. It sounds like things are going good with this guy. You wrote that you would trade him in for a few hours with someone who felt easy even if you knew it had no future. That’s stupid.

  2. SINgleGIRL says:

    I didn’t think that everyone would understand. It’s just that, as much as I like Mr. Potential, it’s all a little false for me at this point. I can’t remember the last time (if ever) I’ve known a guy this long without having more of our baggage out on the table. People our age, we have baggage. We can ignore it, or we can talk about it. So far, we’ve been ignoring it. And that’s really stressful for me. Ugh.

  3. recklessstudio says:

    Hmm, you know, I am beginning to understand what you are talking about here. Before entering a serious relationship, it is important each partner has an idea of what they are getting into. I am not a fan to buying into something before I get at least a sneak-peek of what the experience will be like.

    Having gone through something like that before, I can promise myself that I won’t do that to myself again.

    There comes a point in time where some seriously personal conversations will start to brew. I just assumed that after having the “where is this going” talk, that it would naturally lead to each of you starting to expose yourselves.

    I hate to say it, hun, but you might have open up your closet in order to get him to open his.

    Mr. P seems to be a guy that is pretty lazy in the emotional part of building a relationship. That isn’t a good sign for LTR. I just hope I’m wrong for your sake. You deserve the right to ask for more.

  4. SINgleGIRL says:

    Thank you!!! I do deserve the right to ask for more. And he has been incredibly lazy in the emotional part of building this relationship. That’s exactly the right way to put it. I feel strangely better now.

  5. jenmata says:

    Easy, simple and good, yep, we definitely need this in our lives in at least a few areas, be it family, friends, work, relationships or health, to feel like something is set. So what happened with Mr. Potential? Now I’m curious! :)

  6. Simone Grant says:

    I realized, few week after this post, that things were never going to get easy and simple. They just kept plodding along at a glacial pace with him being sweet (buying me unexpected gifts, etc) but not making any attempt to get to know me better (he didn’t ask any questions about my life, friends, family – it was as if he didn’t want to know),

    And that was making me feel really UNeasy. And bad. And so I ended it.