Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

I Think I Made A Big Mistake

It was Sunday night when I told Mr. Potential that I hid my online profile (and I was so impressed with how the conversation went).  He spent the night at my place and left early for work.

It is now Wednesday afternoon.  We’ve been in touch by text and email since then, all very pleasant and cordial. Some of it more than pleasant, actually.  On Monday he complained in a text that he’d had a rotten day at work so I emailed him a half-naked picture of myself (no face or identifying features).

But anyway, it’s Wednesday afternoon and we have no plans to see each other again.  None.  The weekend is just a couple of days away.  I know he’s really busy with work right now and has something huge coming up on Friday, but that hasn’t stopped him from checking in on the online dating site everyday.  Yeah, I checked.  I’ll admit it.

So I’m feeling like an ass.  Like I stuck my neck way out, way too soon and I overestimated his interest.  But I’m smart enough to know that there is absolutely no smart thing that I can say or do right now.  I just have to wait.

Wait and see.  And if by Friday he hasn’t suggested we get together then I’ll tactfully let him know that I get it and go back to dating.

God I hate this.  I hate everything about it.  I hate feeling and wrong and sad and like, once again the only reason some guy has been hanging around is because he thinks I’m hot and likes fucking me and the second I vocalize that I’m actually into him he takes 4 giant steps back.  I deserve better than this.  I really do.

And I still haven’t called that ex back about drinks tomorrow night. I feel like the way I’m feeling I would just fall into a puddle of tears. And I am NOT planning on crying over this.


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11 to “I Think I Made A Big Mistake”


  1. popantipop says:

    Did you tell him about the blog?

  2. dmplgrl says:

    Well if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my VERY limited dating experience, it’s that ‘giving it up’ too soon will most likely always lead things where you least want them to go.

    I know sex is great but maybe holding out a little longer might help clear up just how and WHAT the guy is really interested in?

    I’ve just recently joined the dating world and am not overly impressed with it thus far!
    Sending positive thoughts your way!

  3. SINgleGIRL says:

    -popantipop,
    No, he doesn’t know about the blog yet. I wanted to see how he dealt with the “I hid my profile” level of honesty before I brought this up. And, truthfully, there might be another thing or two we need to learn about each other before I can feel comfortable revealing this. There are things my readers know about me that he doesn’t know. And well, I’d want him to have all of the facts from me before he sat down and read them
    -dmplgrl
    I don’t disagree with you. I do think there is a danger in sleeping with someone too soon. I wrote about that here – http://www.sex-lies-dating.com/2565680. Me and Mr. Potential had sex on our 4th date. I don’t see that as particularly early. In fact, that’s kind of holding out for me. But I guess everyone has their own definition of waiting.

  4. sfsingleguy says:

    You might want to give it a bit longer than Friday if he has something big to deal with then. He may want some alone time for a day after that just to blow off steam from the work week. I’d suggest waiting until Sunday before letting him know that you get it. ‘It’ may not even be on his radar right now and he could be mostly focused on work.

  5. Singlegal says:

    I know this beginning part sucks – when you both have to do this dance because putting too much out there can be off putting, yet not enough seems like you are disinterested. I’ve never gotten to the point of offlining the dating profile with anyone, and no one has ever asked me. Hang in there – and don’t cry. It’s all just part of the Backwards Tango that is dating!

  6. Seth Simonds says:

    I’m with sfsingle guy on this one.

    You jumped in a bit early and Mr. P was honest with you in saying that he isn’t quite sure about settling down as quickly.

    Between stress at work and honestly telling you where he was at, Mr. P isn’t doing anything odd by stressing about work and checking his online profile on occasion.

    This is your chance to show Mr. P that you can handle distance and don’t respond like the clingy girlfriends I’m sure he’s had in the past. Pulling away just a bit is a classic way to find out where you stand with somebody.

    You’re a grown lady. Give him until Saturday night. If you still haven’t heard from him, drop him a text and ask if he’d like to meet up on Sunday for brunch. Welcome to the unsteady and especially stressful stage of relationships. This is where you establish how things are going to work from here on out. Take a deep breath. Spend some time with a cool friend. And don’t have drinks with the ex. It’s all about forward motion here!

    Best to you!

    Seth

  7. iamIcarus says:

    A couple of points:
    1) Agree with both ppl who said not to see the ex for drinks. From a guy’s perspective it’s pretty obvious he’s not just coming around for conversation.
    2) You do deserve better than the whole dating BS. It’s all messed up, but it will work out eventually.
    3) I definitely think you’re reading too much into _this_ weekend being clutch. I agree w/Seth that he may be testing just to make sure you’re not clingy (seriously, some girls start pressuring marriage w/in a few dates, so some guys tend to get paranoid about that kinda thing). Also, going out every weekend is sometimes rough for career-oriented ppl. If he’s busy, he might just need time.
    4) Given all of the info you’ve given so far, I see it as fairly unlikely that this weekend is gonna happen for a date, but I’d expect that by next weekend something does happen. Things look plenty good from the outside! :)

    Good luck!

  8. SINgleGIRL says:

    Thanks everyone.
    Yes, Singlegal, it sucks. But I won’t cry. I just kind of feel like I’m too damn old for this shit.

    -sfsingleguy and Seth,
    I don’t think you guys are wrong, per se. It’s just that I’ve been here before, too. That place where I wait and wait and try to be respectful of his need for space until I realize, “oh, he’s just another jerk’. I can give him space.

    But I need him, if he’s the guy for me, to realize that I just made myself really vulnerable to him and right now it feels like he’s pushing me away. Especially as we’ve only been dating 5 weeks and this is the first time in that time that we’ve gone this long w/o plans to see each other again. But yeah, I can wait until Saturday. It’s just another day of feeling sick to my stomach.

    And I’ve already told the ex, “no”.

  9. recklessstudio says:

    It’s still very soon to determine.

    I really would try not to worry. The thing is that if the roles were reversed, how would you have reacted? Would you be doing the same thing. Nothing hasn’t really happened yet (even though that may be the point here). He might be trying to take it all in. Or maybe his mind isn’t even on it because he’s consumed with work.

    I know it’s hard not to go nuts about it but only time can tell. Wait it out and see what happens this weekend. I mean, wasn’t Mr. P the same person that made plans at the last minute? You deserve good things and a good person in your life. Just give yourself a chance to accept it and not think that what you have in front of you is automatically a bad thing.

    Stop it and go have some tea…

  10. spoiledsometimes says:

    Ehhhh, you might be jumping the gun but if it does make it to Friday and no word you’ll have to decide which version of the “talk” you are going to have.

  11. SINgleGIRL says:

    -iamIcarus
    Thanks. You and I must have been commenting at the same time, last time. I am feeling much better last time and I agree with pretty much everything you said. And yeah, dating IS messed up.
    -spoiledsometimes
    Thanks for joining us. I was jumping the gun. I admit it. Yesterday was just a bad day. I don’t think it’ll make it til tomorrow. He texted last night and first thing this morning. He’s a good guy.