Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Dead to Me

This is going to be one of those long and twisty posts with lots of links.  I’m warning you now.  I promise you that there is a point (or two).

I’ve become quite fond of .  I think I’ve mentioned that before. This morning @onedatewonder alerted her followers that she’d posted something new on her site, Confessions of a One Date Wonder. The post is called Breaking Up is Hard to Do.

She called her way of dealing with break-ups ‘’ or DTM.  Essentially, you just pretend the person is dead – stop calling, texting, emailing and delete all trace of them in your cell, email etc.  And then you get on with your life.  This is what I used to do.  And I was pretty good at it, too.

And then things changed.  I had an ex boyfriend email about a week after we stopped seeing each other (the really great guy I wrote about here, the one who took the pics for the site) and say that he wanted to be friends.  And because he was such a wonderful guy, and because neither of us did anything wrong – we just didn’t work together, I said yes.

Since then, I’ve tried to keep a lot of the guys I’ve dated in my life.  It seemed like the right thing to do.  Like what I was supposed to do.  No one else has actually become a friend.  I exchange some pleasant, infrequent emails with a couple of them.  One was a for a while, and that was nice.  But then he got a serious girlfriend.

And now I have an issue.  One of the ones I’ve been exchanging pleasant, irregular emails with has been calling and wants to get together.  It’s the guy who lied to me about his whole life and then called a year later to apologize.  I’m assuming he thinks it’s for a date.  I really don’t want to date him again.  I don’t even think I’d like to be his friend.  I’m not sure what I want.  I think I probably just want to turn back time and make him Dead to Me, but it’s too late for that.

Oh hell, what ever made me think I was mature enough to be friends with all of my ?  When it comes down to it it’s been a whole lot of work and drama.  And for what?


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2 to “Dead to Me”


  1. 20forty says:

    Sometimes it works; mostly it doesn’t sadly. I think the problem lies in two things. First, some of them throw around the friend card as way to get back in. Others just don’t know how to be friends with ex’s. The problem may not be you girl.

    lisaq

  2. SINgleGIRL says:

    Thanks so much for finding a way to comment, lisaq. I know my new system has been causing hassles. I’d like to think it’s not me. Mostly I’m wondering if @onedatewonder is right and all exes should be DTM unless they are exceptional. And of course, I have to deal with the one who keeps calling. He wants to have drinks tomorrow night. Ugh.


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