Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

What’s Wrong With Me?

Now don’t everybody shout out their answers at once.

I have a date in a few hours. Not with Mr. Potential. A first date with someone I met online a week or so ago. I am ambivalent about it. I’d like it to go well, of course. Sure I would. I think.

Yesterday Mr. Potential was home recovering from a minor thing, not sick exactly, but not well (this is where this personal/private issue just becomes weird). I told him to holler if he needed anything. It was a genuine offer. He replied that he might holler just to get some TLC. And so I offered to provide that, too. Whether or not he needed it.

He never asked and so I didn’t go rushing over to his apartment.

He was absolutely right to not ask me to come over. We just saw each other a few days ago and have plans for tomorrow. We are still getting to know one another. At this stage we should be seeing each other no more than twice a week. That’s the smart way to handle things.

But I am used to men coming into my life and demanding that I drop everything for them. Who want to see me more than that. Who expect me to be at their beck and call. And I’m not going to lie. There is something really comforting about that. The intensity of it. The “I must have you” feeling you get when someone calls you and asks you to drop whatever you’re doing because they need you (and sometimes it’s not even about sex).

But it’s not healthy. No, it’s not healthy.

So the fact that Mr. Potential didn’t ask me to reschedule my day yesterday so that I could come provide him with TLC, it was disconcerting. I knew it was smart and sane and the right way for us to proceed with this relationship. But a part of me thought, gee, maybe he’s just not into me.

Even though he texted several times. Yesterday and today.

And so he and I will get to know each other better, slowly but surely. Like grown-ups do. And I will continue to date. Because that’s what I do. I hedge my bets.

Ugh. Maybe I should just cancel and go out and buy myself some pie. A great big slice of pumpkin pie. Mmmm.

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9 to “What’s Wrong With Me?”

  1. Infinity says:

    Hun, there is nothing wrong with you. But you should relax on Mr. Potential. He seems to be everything right and you’re just looking for one thing wrong to validate your doubts.

    It’s cool. Let it ride. And you’re right. It’s still too early for you to decide that you shouldn’t date anyone else. If he were to want you to drop everything, initially, that would be cool, but long-term so early? Doesn’t seem so cool.

    So I say, have fun on your date and enjoy continuing to see Mr. Potential. As you two see each other, the effort you put into seeing other men will decrease bit by bit until you actually get that wonderful feeling of satisfaction and contentment.

    Well, hopefully. You have more dating experience than I do, so you must know what I am talking about.

  2. Daylah says:

    I agree with Infinity,
    Now go on your date and have fun!

  3. bobbyboy says:

    Yep, Infinity has some good advice :)

    And to answer your question, I don’t find anything wrong with you. Hopefully you don’t either.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Let me join the chorus and say, “You GO girl!”….

    …heck! Tomorrow, you may consider me a catch! lol!

    (Potential is still Potential, right?)

    ~x~William H.

  5. SINgleGIRL says:

    Blogger Jenny Elizabeth said…

    YOu are AMAZING…know that…and infinity definitely has some great advice on the topic and i agree.
    So just go take it as is, don’t rush it, go out on your date and remember to have fun!
    December 4, 2008 12:38 AM

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    Funny Buburuza said…

    I told you: Don’t discuss about me on your blog. :)))

    December 4, 2008 2:23 AM

  7. SINgleGIRL says:

    lisaq said…

    Change is always disconcerting even when we know it’s what we should do. You’re on the right track here. Slow and steady girl. Slow and steady.

    December 4, 2008 7:28 AM

  8. SINgleGIRL says:

    Seth said…

    Pie sounds amazing right now.

    Sometimes it’s nice to have the distraction of dropping what you’re doing to turn on the nurturing engines and care for somebody you love…however, Mr.P is new to your life. I think it’s lovely that you offered and even lovelier that he was smart enough to want you there but not to ask. Sounds like he might be a winner after all!

    There really isn’t much wrong with you at all, you know. Isn’t it odd that we both discussed pie on the same day?

    December 4, 2008 1:06 PM

  9. SINgleGIRL says:

    sameer said…

    In many cultural traditions, a date may be arranged by a third party, who may be a family member, acquaintance, or professional matchmaker. Recently Dating has become popular.

    December 4, 2008 2:50 PM