Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.


I try to politely let guys down when I’m not interested in them. I think it’s kind of rude to just stop answering emails or to not return phone calls.

There are times when this policy falls by the wayside. If someone’s been rude or nasty to me, or just unpleasant, well, I might be less likely to follow through. I know that’s kind of pathetic. I should treat everyone the way I’d like to be treated. That’s the way I try to live. Try that for a dating rule – just treat your dates the way you’d like to be treated. How novel.

Just to be clear, this only applies to guys I’ve actually met. Not the guys I meet online and then never meet for one reason or another.

Anyway, a few months ago I sent someone what I thought was a polite, “no thank you” . I wasn’t interested in seeing him anymore. And frankly, he’d been a jerk to me. Most women would’ve just blown him off. But I tried to end things politely. That’s just me.

He replied with a pretty vicious email. It was a classic case of sour grapes. He said I was a , old, lonely woman and no one would ever want me. Or something like that. I didn’t save the email.

I didn’t take him seriously, because I knew that what he said wasn’t true. I’m not bitter (lonely and old, well…). I know what bitter feels like. I’ve felt it in the past. I hope to never feel it again, but I know that I’m not immune.

Earlier this evening, Getting Single mentioned on that she had a friend who’s been single for 8 months who has fallen into the ‘bitter single category’. I feel for that friend. Bitter is a bad place to be and hard place to get out of.

I don’t want to dwell, though. This isn’t one of those posts. Yeah, sometimes life sucks and it can be hard to not internalize it all. And then the smart people in the world find something that reminds them that life doesn’t actually suck. Not all the time. And we move on. We get out of the bitter place.

Today’s is Bitter, by Jill Sobule, btw.

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5 to “Bitter”

  1. Infinity says:

    Some guys are just stupid. I wish I had more to add to that but I don’t.

    You sending a “no thank you” email will drive a spectrum to feedback. You have those guys that will reply nicely, not reply at all or reply viciously. Those are the guys that have so many insecurities and confirm your reasoning for shutting him down.

    I say fuck it. I’m glad you didn’t hit the bitter stage because after an email like that, it could be easy to go into that spiral.

    And what’s even funnier is that he’s attracted to you. Still!

  2. lisaq says:

    Bitter is definitely a bad place to be. I’ve been there too, but there is just too much in life to be grateful for and happy about. Why waste time on be unhappy and bitter? It’s just so not worth the energy it takes.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Okay Single…. Did you whip this man on your first date… lol… You know men and how they want what they cant have … You batted your eyes once to many times… lol I feel ya sugar, I have felt bitter once (Just Once) and as far as the very intelligent male you refered to… Need I say more… All I can say to you is be a bit more picky when it comes to men… Make them work harder and you will see more of what they are made of and then they start to drop like flies off of your list… Hope that helps ya out..

  4. sinfullyanon says:

    "Dear John:
    After much much pondering, late nights, crying, imprecations, and all manner of bile not raised I've come to the conclusion I'm far, far, better off living on an island with a coconut for a companion than struggling through one more glass of wine with you!

    Have a nice life. Don't not reply,
    or forward to friends & family. Thank you."


    How's that?



  5. SINgleGIRL says:

    Jill Summit said…

    It sounds like he is the bitter one! I would venture to guess that he has probably gotten similar responses from women and rather than trying to work on some of his insecurities, he tries to push them on others.

    As Ricky Lake once said,”We could all use a little therapy!”
    December 4, 2008 5:11 PM