Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

#1 – Don’t Stare at My Boobs

My regular readers know how I feel about dating experts. I don’t consider myself an and I think that most people who do (consider themselves experts) are full of shit. That’s not an insult to anyone specific. It’s just how I feel. I know there are a lot of “experts” who dish out and a lot of others who are seeking expertise who want that . May you find each other and fill each others needs and live happily ever after.

That being said, I am more than comfortable sharing things I’ve learned, like in my guest posts on TSBmag and midlifebachelor.com. I’m speaking from my hard-earned personal experience. Not anything I’ve read from a book or something I’m theorizing about. I’m 38. I’ve never been married. I started dating in my teens. You do the math. I’ve been on more dates than most of my readers. I’ve made lots of mistakes and like any smart person I’ve made sure I learned from them.

OK, here’s a sloppy segue for you: I’ve become very fond of in the last week. What a surprise that was. I assumed I’d hate it. But it’s actually a lot of fun, informative and sometimes even helpful.

A few days ago someone out there (how am I supposed to refer to someone on Twitter w/o a blog or website, a Twitterer? a Tweeter), insidethewoman, suggested this topic: The top 4 mistakes men make when approaching women. I think that’s how it was phrased. (see I’m back with the advice thing).

I answered her, without giving very much thought to my answer. It was off the cuff and silly. I can’t remember everything I said, but I’m sure that it was a mixture of things that were applicable to just me and things that could go for every man/woman and every situation.

One thing I am certain of is that the very first thing I listed was #1: don’t stare at the woman’s .

Why, oh why, must I even put this in writing? Why are there still guys past the age of 12 who can’t seem to keep their eyes on the face of the woman they are speaking with?

Now don’t try to deny it guys. It happened to me just the other day. And we all know I don’t have huge ones. It’s not like they’re that hard to ignore.

Lesson #1 for any guy who is not successful with women, learn to speak to our faces. This goes with, learn to treat us like people. We are, actually, people. People with boobs.

I’m not going to continue on with the list here (I am pretty sure my other 4 included not bragging about material wealth because that is one of my personal pet peeves, can’t recall the others right now). The reality is that if you still don’t get that women are people, too, you are so far from being a competent dater then the other things on the list are meaningless to you.

Just stop staring at our boobs, start talking to our faces, remember that we have brains (just like you, usually smarter than you) and you’re on the right track.


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13 to “#1 – Don’t Stare at My Boobs”


  1. Miss Heather Leigh says:

    Ha ha, how funny. It’s awful to think just how few guys get this, and how many still let their eyes wander south. And the worst part? The double standard! I’m so sure very few of them would complain if we sat and stared at their frontal ends!!

  2. Infinity says:

    I can understand appreciating someone’s physique. But if it interferes with conversation and conversation then that’s another thing.

    Boobs and all, you gotta respect the women. If you’re good enough, you’ll get to pay as much attention to the boobs as you want.

  3. Mike Stoute says:

    believe me it’s hard not to look, but I give it my all when talking to a woman. I feel the key is just holding eye contact when looking at her ;)

  4. Jenny Elizabeth says:

    we are people with boobs. NOT boobs with people attatched…lol

    Yeah i am going to be on the lookout this week and count how many times this happens to be because it is a ridiculously high number i can tell you that!

  5. Shawn Smith says:

    Ha. My biggest issue with one woman I’m dating right now is that she puts them out on display every time we go out.

    I strain and strain and strain to keep eye contact with her. She even arches her back to make them stick out more and wears shirts that show them off (picture included on my site that she took herself).

    I’ve held strong.

    It is a respect thing. I like for a womon to think that I am talking to her for her mental and not for her body.

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    I can still remember years ago, I was in a bar with a rather forthright friend and she said to a guy, “I’m going to poke your eyes out the next time you stare at my breasts.” He pretended to be offended, but the reality was, he WAS staring. And it was offensive – to her. It is about respect.

    Oh, and Shawn Smith, there are a lot of women who do flaunt their wares. I can think of a few I know who never leave home without serious cleavage showing. And it can be hard not to look, even for a straight woman, just because it’s kind of outrageous. But give it your all.

  7. One Time says:

    It seems to me that there are many women out there putting their mammary glands on display for all us guys to stare at. I found this especially true back when I was a bartender. They would flash me with their goods to get my attention, and hopefully faster service at the bar.

  8. bobbyboy says:

    Boob staring will always happen. Why? For a few reasons.

    Men are naturally very visual compared with woman. It’s not right or wrong, it just is.

    Many woman dress for the visual.

    Men and woman don’t understand each other in this regard, nor society in general. Take an obvious case that is clearly wrong, rape. Defense attorney’s, still to this day, raise the question as to the womans attire, what? Yep, as ridicules as it sounds, the attorney will, many times, bring the attention of the jury (a cross section of society supposedly)to the womans attire as if she brought on the rape!

    I think the best answer for guys is to try their best not to stare and talk to the womans eyes. For woman I would suggest realizing whether or not the guy is trying to be respectful, even though he may be very turned on by the lady’s cleavage.

    I guess I have a lot more I could say, but hey, this is a blog so I just touched on stuff a bit.
    Hopefully I didn’t offend anyone :)

  9. gwenj says:

    The more I think about the whole “expert” thing, the more I agree with you. And oh, yes…boob staring is quite irritating, although I don’t really get boob staring. I get a lot of butt staring, since that seems to be my go-to asset for men. It’s a little more subtle, because obviously, the guy has to be behind me in order to do it, but it’s equally irritating nonetheless. You just gotta love it when they try to be subtle about it.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Shut up, I’m gonna look at your boobs if I want to

  11. Anonymous says:

    Rule# 1: if you don’t like guys staring, cover them up. If you don’t cover them, we will look. It’s that simple.

    You can’t have your cake (wearing full on cleavage shirts or clothes that accentuate your breasta)and eat it too. What do you expect, we’re guys. Not only that, but it’s easier for us to talk to you if you’re covered up. It’s a strain on our brains and eyes to not go there.Boobs have a magnetic pull to them for some reason.

  12. iloveboobs says:

    I am a guy and the reason that us guys stare at girls boobs is because we are attracted by hormones so guys don’t lie when you are staring just admit it and move on also when a girls is attracted to me I always catch them looking in my pants so you respond with an admiring look at the breast. Don’t go off thinking I’m some crazy perv it’s just guys like boobs and if you find it offencive tell them straight up. But I am not saying it’s right to always just stare at boobs it’s only okay in moderation. Lol I’m sorry girls but boobs are really really nice

  13. Philtron3030 says:

    This is a tough one…

    As a guy, you MUST perfect the art of the glance. Get a good look at a woman’s boobs, and then get out. It’s like bobbing and weaving.

    If you stare directly while she is obviously aware, than you my friend, will never get laid.