Last night, one of the many things I blathered about was the fact that I am constantly (re)negotiating what is on and off limits for me to write about. That might seem bizarre to some of you. It’s my blog. My rules. What’s the issue?
This is a really big deal for me.
How much should I write about my sex life and my sexual history? What about my sexual preferences? I shared the fact that I was writing a blog with one of my exes, someone I am not friends with but someone with whom I’ve exchanged a few random emails in the last year. He checked it out and was surprised by what I was leaving out. To his perspective, I was leaving out too much of myself. Things he saw as important and essential.
And yet, I now have trouble looking some of my friends in the eyes, knowing that they now know things about me that they never knew before. I was never one of those girls who gossiped with her friends about her sex life. I find it kind of embarrassing. Not my sex life, but the oversharing.
Anyway, here’s what it boils down to today. I am trying to live my life in a way that I think will make me happy. I know I don’t want the cookie cutter American Dream – husband, 2.4 kids, house in the suburbs, vanilla sex life, matching cars and mounting debt. I’ve known that for a long time. (see Fun Ride for more on that). I want something different, something that meets my personal needs and aspirations.
It’s all a process though, a creative process. I am creating this blog out of nothing, just as I am creating a lifestyle for myself that is unlike any of the options that were presented to me as a child. I’m working without a model, without a sketch and without a net. Sometimes it gets messy.
Tags: blog, sex, vanilla