Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Making My Own Space

Last night, one of the many things I blathered about was the fact that I am constantly (re)negotiating what is on and off limits for me to write about. That might seem bizarre to some of you. It’s my . My rules. What’s the issue?

This is a really big deal for me.

How much should I write about my life and my sexual history? What about my sexual preferences? I shared the fact that I was writing a blog with one of my exes, someone I am not friends with but someone with whom I’ve exchanged a few random emails in the last year. He checked it out and was surprised by what I was leaving out. To his perspective, I was leaving out too much of myself. Things he saw as important and essential.

And yet, I now have trouble looking some of my friends in the eyes, knowing that they now know things about me that they never knew before. I was never one of those girls who gossiped with her friends about her sex life. I find it kind of embarrassing. Not my sex life, but the oversharing.

Anyway, here’s what it boils down to today. I am trying to live my life in a way that I think will make me happy. I know I don’t want the cookie cutter American Dream – husband, 2.4 kids, house in the suburbs, sex life, matching cars and mounting debt. I’ve known that for a long time. (see Fun Ride for more on that). I want something different, something that meets my personal needs and aspirations.

It’s all a process though, a creative process. I am creating this blog out of nothing, just as I am creating a lifestyle for myself that is unlike any of the options that were presented to me as a child. I’m working without a model, without a sketch and without a net. Sometimes it gets messy.


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9 to “Making My Own Space”


  1. Seth says:

    You are so brave! I think there’s a lot to be said for opening up in a forum you have little control over. Sure, your friends might look at you differently. But are they looking at you differently because they think less of you for the information you’ve shared or because they’d never have the nerve to admit anything of the sort. The friends who judge you for being open are not friends you want to keep close anyhow.

    Tell them to read your blog.

    As for exes…since when did we trust exes?

  2. bobbyboy says:

    Good for you! There’s no right or wrong, just your way.

    Go for it!

  3. DC DIVA DATING ADVENTURES says:

    I understand you completely…I kind of made the mistake of telling my friends about my blog (and my Aunt) now I find myself second guessing everything I post!!! Do you, and do what makes you compfortable!

  4. cjw666 says:

    I understand exactly what you’re saying and the other people who comment are of course right, as they mostly usually are. It IS difficult, of course.

    But it’s YOUR blog and you tell what suits YOU – true or untrue, good or bad, whatever YOU feel, it’s YOUR choice, no one else’s!

    Your ex may be right and your past may explain a lot, but don’t you DARE listen to an ex! It’s YOU, YOU, YOU and that’s just how it should be!

    Oh, and you’re brilliant at writing your blog – just as I suspect you usually are at life – even if you might not always realise it!

  5. One Time says:

    The messier the better.

  6. Aphro-ME-siac says:

    I have faced the same exact issues- had some people judge me- some embrace me- some give their 2 cents- it is a brave thing to express yourself in a way that is under other people’s scrutiny_ keep doing what you are doing:)

  7. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Seth,
    Thank you. I don’t feel brave. I feel kind of lame. If I were really brave I wouldn’t be anon. But, we do what we can do. And about the ex – well, no I don’t give a shit what he thinks but I thought he had a point.
    -DC Diva,
    Ugh! Your Aunt? That would crush me.
    -bobbyboy,cjw, OneTime and Aphro-Me-Siac,
    As always – thank you for your support.

  8. cjw666 says:

    Yes. I guess I obviously didn’t put it well, or it’s the thing about the UK and the US being divided by a common language.

    I simply wanted to point out that (for what it’s worth) I admire what you’re doing and I think you should just go right on and do what YOU want and feel is right for YOU. Sorry if that didn’t come across. Like you said – this can be much harder than face to face.

    Oh and I too think you’re a lot braver than you give yourself credit for – and three cheers for you!

    I for one wouldn’t dream of judging anything you do – it’s none of my business anyway, even if you’d care, which you shouldn’t! I just comment mostly to try to show support for what I think is a good blog.

    Hope your date goes well :)

  9. Infinity says:

    That’s what life is about, hun. Doing it your own way.

    And in the end, happiness is an element of a fulfilled life.