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I REALLY Hate the Phone Thing

I know I’ve mentioned this before, more than once, but I need to vent. I REALLY hate the thing.

I do not like to talk with guys I’ve never met on the phone. I realize that this is a normal part of the screening process for a lot of online daters. They exchange messages, or maybe even wink first, and then they progress to IMs and then talk on the phone once or twice all before deciding to meet. And I understand the reasoning behind it. I do.

But I don’t like it. I don’t like to talk on the phone with the people I know. I like to see people, to read the expressions on their faces, to have actual physical contact.

And so if that means I waste a few extra nights or dollars meeting people I might have screened out if I’d spoken to them first, then so be it. I can live with that.

I just spoke with someone I’ve been wanting to meet for a while. I mentioned him in my last post. We first exchanged messages in September. And then I had some family stuff take me out of town for a while. And then he had some family stuff take him out of town for an even longer while. And now it’s the end of November and both of our lives have calmed down and we’re both available. And he called. And it was incredibly awkward. Not because he was awkward, but because the situation is just bizarre – making polite chit chat with a stranger who you’ve previously expressed an interest in maybe dating.

Well, I think it’s bizarre.

But, anyway, we’re meeting on Wednesday. Mr. Potential better pull his head out of his ass or I won’t have any time left this week for him.

ps Check out on my Song of the Day

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17 to “I REALLY Hate the Phone Thing”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Online screening with just a phone call? Really? Give this a try. offer a free background report, reverse phone number lookup, home information, tax info, possible relatives. As the song goes… Hoping I could learn a bit ’bout what is true and fake. Be safe.

  2. lisaq says:

    Ugh! I’m soooo with you! I abhor the phone thing. I’d sooner poke my eyes out than talk on the phone to some man I don’t know.

  3. Infinity says:

    I haven’t tried the online dating thing yet but I couldn’t imagine talking to someone on the phone if I don’t know them. I actually don’t like talking on the phone in general, so that would make sense for me as well.

    I’d rather take the risk and see them.

  4. bobbyboy says:

    Actually, you described very well the usual steps leading from online to real time dates. And to not like the phone part is perfectly fine.

    As someone who has never done the online dating stuff, I’m going to take a guess here that, aside from actually meeting, it’s the biggest step. It doesn’t have to be a long step though, no?

  5. SINgleGIRL says:

    WOW-I’ve heard about people who do that. I am SO going to write something relevant tonight.
    -lisaq and Infinity and I seem to be on one side of this divide. As I talked about in “disappointed” I know that most people think the phone thing is essential. bobbyboy, it sounds like you believe the phone thing is important? Well, like i said, I understand that need and I’m willing to play along but I will never suggest it.

  6. bobbyboy says:

    It might be, but until I experience it, I truly don’t know for myself. I just guess at a lot of stuff :)

    I have however, met quite a few people from online and never once talked with them on the phone first.

  7. Seth says:

    I agree that a phone call before meeting can be awful. Like an awkward extension of the suspended reality that is an online relationship to start with. I’d much rather grab coffee with somebody new than lurch through a phone conversation…and I’m the type of person who gets phone numbers from customer service reps. I’ve often wished I lived closer to India. :)

  8. says:

    I totally disagree. Interesting people who live interesting lives have things to say on the phone. It sounds to me like a bigger problem of not knowing how to create interesting conversations with strangers, which is probably the most important skill a pua can learn. Maybe as a result of being a hot girl your whole life you’ve gotten by without having to fully develop your personality.

    Anyway, I’m here to rescue you, so that you can avoid the awkward convo next time, although I really should be giving this advice to the guy.
    1) Give a time constraint at the beginning of the call. “Hey, what’s up? I’m going to be doing ________ in a sec but I have a few minutes to chat.”
    2) Have an interesting story to tell about something that happened to you yesterday or today, or something that you’re excited about coming up.
    3) Smile on the phone, as it will come through in your tonality.
    4) Have an objective of the call, i.e. scheduling a date.
    5) End it on a high note. At the end of a sentence right before there would be an awkward silence, you can say, “Well, I have to go, but what are you up to…”

  9. Cigar smoking, beer drinking lawyer says:

    I hate talking in the phone. period. I like to see the people I talk to. Body language is so important – dating or othewise

  10. SINgleGIRL says:

    blah, blah, blah
    You need a script. That’s not interesting, honey. That’s just, well, childish. Some of us like to have grown up interactions with other grown ups. We don’t want to play by your silly, made up PUA rules. It’s cool if you do. But that’s YOUR world. You’re welcome to it.

  11. says:

    Lol having an interesting story about your life from the day before isn’t a script. But I won’t judge, you keep dating Mr. Personality, I’m not the one who’s 38 and single.

  12. SINgleGIRL says:

    Yes, I am “38 and single”. I do not see that as an insult. There are MUCH worse things.

  13. bobbyboy says:

    I’m not the one who’s 38 and single.

    Hammer, I have been doing some reading about the PUA thing and find it interesting for sure. Although I’m not big on it at the moment, I still will continue studying it until I make up my mind.

    I will say as a novice in the dating arena, that telling someone that they are the one that’s 38 and single as though it’s a disease is crude at the least. And I would think ignorant from an expert of the opposite sex.

    None of us are perfect (though some believe they are), I’m not sure I see the constructive criticism in making a comment like that. Am I missing something?

  14. SINgleGIRL says:

    It’s cool. If I cared about what he said I’d just bar him from the site. Right now he’s still good for a laugh. Kind of like Sarah Palin talking about her vast political knowledge.

  15. Miss Heather Leigh says:

    Oh I’m totally the same way, but I think it’s more of I prefer a text rather than talking to someone on the phone. Or yes, like you, I do prefer meeting in person. I just feel that being on the phone means I have to come up with conversation right away, where as a text gives me time to respond (or in person I myself also prefer the interaction). Hope things with this guy go well!

  16. SINgleGIRL says:

    Thanks Miss Heather Leigh,
    Have been texting back and forth with Mr. Potential all afternoon, trying to plan our next date. Will write all about it.

  17. Infinity says:

    I was with Hammer until he brought out the “38 and single” thing.

    Trust me, it’s definitely her choice to be 38 and single. And I find that perfectly fine.

    But what I think Hammer was trying to get at was having a foundation for learning how to create conversation.

    The time constraint gives a fake time limit to the conversation so that you don’t have to be on the phone for long periods of time if you’re not comfortable with it. You may end up on the phone for much longer than you expected but there is no pressure to be on the phone that long. That just means that the conversation is going really well and you both are into it. Never a bad thing.

    And the whole thing about creating a story from what’s going on in our lives – I think that’s important to know. The way I see it, there are some things that happen to you that you just can’t wait to tell your friends. Why can’t she know too? Of course be careful with the stories that you share but if you were going to tell your friends how you pulled up at a stop light next to David Duchovny in his Ferrari, why wouldn’t that be cool enough to share with her?

    I’m blabbing but after a while, once you get used to sharing parts of your day with women as though they are like your friends, then it gets easier to have phone conversations.
    Hammer correct me if that’s not what you were trying to say and SINgleGIRL and everyone else, I hope you understand what I’m trying to get across.