Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Waking Up With Someone

I can’t imagine living somewhere that didn’t have seasons. I love it when the leaves colors. I love the cool spring nights. I love the snow. I even love the sticky New York summers, when I need to hang out by the river to stay cool.

But I do hate how cold the mornings are in the winter. These last couple of weeks have been the first really cold weeks. Each day, I pull my covers around myself tightly as my alarm goes off in the morning and think, “damn, I hate waking up alone”. ‘Cause you see, someone lying next to me, cuddling, would keep me warm. That’s not the only thing that someone would be good for, mind you, but with the mornings as cold as they are, that’s what I’m thinking about first.

Let me be crystal clear here, I am super picky about who is allowed to spend the night in my bed. Fuck buddies don’t get to spend the night. Not even if I’ve known them for years (which happens to he the case for one of them). Not casual flings either. Not even potential bfs. The only guys I spend the night with are bonafide boyfriends. That means I have already decided that this is someone I care a lot about. He’s no longer auditioning for a role in my life. He’s earned it.

I wasn’t always so much of a hardass about this. I’ve taken the walk of shame more than a couple of times (The walk of shame, for those of you who’ve never heard the phrase is when you spend the night with someone you weren’t planning to, maybe because you just picked them up. You spend the night at their place w/o any of your stuff and wake up w/o toothbrush, hairbrush or any grooming products and have to go home in last nights clothes looking like something the cat spit up.) And I’ve let guys I didn’t know too well spend the night at my place. Then it hit me a few years ago. Fucking is about fun, but sleeping with someone and waking up with them was actually about intimacy and that why couldn’t I just be clear about having one w/o the other. Have my cake and eat it too. So I have when I want to with whom I want to (not just any random person, you know anyone I felt attracted to and wanted to fuck for whatever reason – I don’t consider that random as I’m kind of picky) but only SLEEP with my boyfriends.

It’s nearing a year since my last imploded. That’s a really long time to be sleeping alone. I’ve gone longer, sure. But still, it’s a really long time. It feels like a really long time. And the fact that it’s so freaking cold right now and I wake up every morning wishing for that body next to me, it’s not helping things.

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7 to “Waking Up With Someone”

  1. Date Girl says:

    Oh wow, I wish I could say I was as strong as you in my single times, but I wasn’t. I am such a sucker for sleeping next to someone. But you’re right to be so picky-it should be special. Sleeping next to someone is so intimate. They’re literally seeing you completely unguarded.
    It is so much better to wake up next to someone that you love. I’ve had those walks of shame, *shudder* they are NOT fun.
    Here’s to your resolve-it’ll pay off in the end.

  2. bobbyboy says:

    SG, I never really looked at it quite that way, although I understand what you mean. Your honesty and personal insight is inspiring and to tell you the truth, I’m a bit envious.

    Keep going SG, your blog rocks!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Its darn cold this morning!
    ~hope you get warm & toasty, real soon.


  4. cjw666 says:

    A very nice distinction that. It succinctly defines intinacy and underlines the difference between sex for fun, enjoyment, and satisfaction and sex as part of intimacy.

    Excellent and scarily honest post.

  5. Infinity says:

    I agree with you. It’s hard to distinguish being intimate and just having sex. People just usually associate the two as one and that sometimes lead to unhealthy situations and many walks of shame.

    We’ve all had those moments.

    I truly admire your honesty here. Hopefully, you’ll come across someone to keep you warm in more ways than one.

    In the meantime, there are some great blankets you can buy ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    Thanks for the comments everyone. As I’ve said before, I strive to be as honest as I can be here (even when it’s not pretty). It was another cold morning in NYC but I was smart, I went to sleep with the space heater on full blast. Not as a good as a boyfriend, but at least it was warm..

  7. lisaq says:

    I’ve never made the distinction I guess. Something to think about. I’m going on 5 years sleeping alone. I miss having someone to wake up to. *sigh*