Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Update B4 Bed

Just got in from my date. I wish I could say I wasn’t disappointed (I should know better than to have hopes..)but I am. The guy’s got a lot of good qualities but he’s not ready, yet. There were red flags going up all over the place, stuff I guess I could’ve learned if I asked more specific questions via emails.
He just moved here 6 weeks ago. He’d said recently. I figured that meant within the last couple of years. Oops.
I was his 3rd online date ever. He’s just getting starting. He’s got his training wheels on.
Nope. Not ready.
But he was pleasant enough to talk with and we had a nice chat. No harm, no foul.
Today’s of the day is another oldie but goodie. The is amazing but the visuals kind of suck. That’s OK, because seeing Morrissey up close reminds me of just how old I’ve gotten. No need for that tonight.


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16 to “Update B4 Bed”


  1. One Time says:

    Maybe he was ready, but just being shy about it?

  2. Miss Heather Leigh says:

    One Time could be right, and I’m sorry to hear you were let down. Is there any chance he’d get another chance? I can understand not wanting to date someone new in town. I’ve done that before. You end up feeling like a tour guide, not a date or girlfriend. Perhaps better luck on the next date, regardless of whom with?

  3. cjw666 says:

    Sorry it wasn’t what you hoped for, but what DID you hope for?

    I’m sure you’re not, but sometimes many of you guys write like it’s just a game and yet you’re upset when it doesn’t turn out to be perfect.

    If you’re just playing the dating game then fine, why not? It’s a perfectly legitimate thing for you to do, if that’s what you want.

    If you’re secretly looking for Mr. Right, though … well, maybe joining a group or club that interests you and is NOT dedicated to dating might help you to meet and really get to know a bit about guys before you go as far as a date.

    Just a suggestion. But please, whatever you do, keep on being YOU! You are unique and wonderful – you just need to meet the guy who recognises that fact and who also really pulls your chain :)

  4. A Girl says:

    No he wasn’t ready!
    But he might have a a friend who is?

  5. SINgleGIRL says:

    NYC is a GREAT place to a be a single person. He just got here. He’s going to spend some time checking out the place, looking around, SAMPLING. And good for him. I have no issue with playing tour guide, but I am pretty certain that he’s gong to do the serial fling for a while. A guy I know once said pretty proudly that he could be with a different woman a week for the next five years and never run out of beautiful women. (An ex, btw, yeah I used to date asses).

    And well, Im a defensive dater nowadays. I’m tired of getting hurt. In addition to his obvious issues (smart, attractive,funny, successful, travels for work- you should be reading some irony here) he’s got this not ready thing. No, moving on.

  6. hammer86blog.com says:

    I’m surprised that you’re not talking to them on the phone before hand to pre-screen. I do that with women who I meet online to get a sense of their energy and wit. Saves a lot of time/money because I only end up scheduling a date with maybe 1 in 4 women who I correspond with via email on match.

  7. Infinity says:

    Sorry your date was such a dud. I can see the “issues” with this guy but I can definitely understand now why you said he was “not ready.”

  8. Daniel says:

    Maybe he needs to watch Mystery(VH1 PUA) more… HAHAHA. Next time you see him he’ll have a bright clown hat on. Another one bites the dust. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and a couple of good guys ;)

  9. hammer86blog.com says:

    Here’s something that I’m curious about:
    You claim that you don’t need any kind of emotional connection with someone in order to sleep with them (yea okay).

    Since guys are scooby doo on steroids, and most of them are pretty desperate for ass, you know you could go out any night of the week and bring a guy home with you within 10 minutes of entering a bar if you so choose.

    So my question to you is this: why do you tweet every morning complaining about waking up alone?

  10. SINgleGIRL says:

    -hammer
    I don’t like to do the phone thing. I talked about this in an early post but can’t recall the name and am too busy tonight to go looking for it. I’ll do it if the guy wants to. I just feel that it doesn’t give me an accurate sense of whether or not I’m going to like a guy. Just whether or not he’s good on the phone. And I don’t care if the guy’s got good phone skills. Re your second comment – completely legit question. Am planning to write a post about that tonight. I will find the time somehow.
    -Daniel
    I agree. Plenty of guys to choose from. No need to settle for someone who isn’t ready.

  11. bobbyboy says:

    Interesting post. I am never ready in any situation unless the lady and I click. Nothing else seems to matter to me :)

  12. cjw666 says:

    @bobbyboy: I think, in the end, that says it all. That’s really all that matters – everything else just confuses the issue :)

    Good post that has got us all talking – that’s good, isn’t it?

  13. hammer86blog.com says:

    Come to think of it, I probably wouldn’t do the phone thing either if I was a girl, since I wouldn’t have to pick up the bill. But overall I think that guys with good phone skills generally speaking have good people skills.

    I think that the reason why you can’t hook up with random dudes is simple… your statement about not needing any kind of connection with someone was an over simplification.

    Just because you don’t know someone’s name doesn’t mean you don’t have a connection with them. Hooking up with people in foreign countries is a great example of this. Just because you don’t speak the same language doesn’t mean you can’t convey things with good body language, dance floor game, and serious kino.

    I like to define attraction as the association of one’s horniness to a person. If a guy knows how to make a girl comfortable with him touching her, it will not be difficult for him to get in her pants by turning her on with touch, no matter how he looks. But that comfort is the connection that I was referring to.

  14. SINgleGIRL says:

    -hammer
    You make so many assumptions about people. It really is frightening. What makes you think that the man always pays? Oh, wait, that’s probably one of your rules. It makes you seem manly and dominant, I guess.

  15. hammer86blog.com says:

    I avoid the argument altogether by not doing expensive things. It also makes me seem creative.

    But all the more reason to not go on dates that you’re not sure about. Plus there are only 7 days in the week and I don’t go on first dates on Fri or Sat night. Also, Sun is football night and Tues is my improv class. So really it comes down to there being substantially more numbers in the phone than time slots in the week so selectivity is key.

  16. bobbyboy says:

    @bobbyboy: I think, in the end, that says it all. That’s really all that matters – everything else just confuses the issue :)

    Good post that has got us all talking – that’s good, isn’t it?

    Hi cjw666, I think you said it much better than me lol
    Sometimes we tend to over analyze relationships, which can be stressful enough, and make them more complicated than they have to be. I just feel that simple works better for me :)

    Yes, this post touched off more discussion than usual, but that’s a really good thing for sure!

    Cheers!