One of the good things about getting older, I’m finding, is that I’m learning more about myself. Sitting here at 38 I can honestly say I have a pretty good idea of what my strengths and weaknesses are, and what I need to work on. That goes for all kinds of things: dating, work, family stuff.
If you had asked me a few years ago why my romantic past was the way it was, I would’ve told you some serious tales of woe and probably blamed it all of the men in my life. I know better now (as I’ve discussed in past posts).
So what brings me to rehash this this afternoon? This is the lead up to my response to some of the comments made recently regarding “emasculated” or weak men. I apologize for not providing links to the specific comments, but I am in a bit of a rush right now and want to get this done today.
I do not believe that the Freelancer is weak or emasculated because he’s so inept when it comes to dating and making the first move. Nor did I think that was the issue with necking guy.
There are lots of types of people in the world. Very rarely can people be easily put into groups of A or B (strong or weak). I believe that, more often, we all exist along continuums.
OK, that’s my disclaimer. And I mean it. Wholly and completely.
I’ve said before that I pretty much dated the same person (in different form) over and over and had the same bad relationship over and over. That person, that personality, was the overtly strong, says what he wants, confident guy. The one who always makes a plan and always makes a move and pretty much always gets what he wants.
And, in my experience, he pretty much always turned out to be a selfish, spoiled asshole who would walk all over my feelings. I don’t want to date him anymore. Really I don’t. Really. Why doesn’t anyone believe me? Oh, I know. Because I still have major issues with his alter ego, Mr. Nice Guy, who fumbles over plans and is afraid to take my hand or kiss me or ask to be invited up.
I want to like the nice guys. And I do like them. But as potential romantic partners they kind of piss me off. It gets on my nerves that they don’t take control of every situation. I get impatient waiting for them to make decisions. This is one of my faults. I have identified it as such.
The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Well, I was essentially doing the same guy over and over and expecting different results. I want different results and so I need to start with someone who is different from day 1.
It ain’t easy to unlearn stuff as deeply ingrained as what turns you on and off. But I’m trying. Today I sent The Freelancer an email asking him a specific question about his weekend so far (related to plans he had). If he needs me to guide him, I’ll do what I can. And then, we’ll see.
Tags: dating dysfunction