Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

What Happened To My Instincts?

I’ve spent the last hour trying to figure out what to write about tonight’s date. It was with the new guy on the scene, the one I said came off as pretty serious. The good news is that he has a nice smile and we laughed a bit. But it was a hard date.  Not hard because he was obnoxious.  No. He’s a nice enough guy, better than average looking and bright.  It was hard because tonight my dating instincts didn’t kick in, and it was one of those nights when I really needed them.
Not everyone is good at dating.  That’s a fact.  And the guys who are best at dating tend to make pretty crappy boyfriends.  At least that’s my experience. They’re good at dating because they like dating. They have no interest in doing anything(for a while) but dating.  They might fall into a relationship, but they’re not as good at relationships.  It’s a different skill set.
When I’m out on a date with a guy for a first or second time, I really try hard to pay attention to who he is, aside from whether or not he’s good at dating. It can be hard to do.  Sometimes someone is such a good dater, so much fun, it can be hard to see who he is for a while.  Other times a guy is such a bad dater that it can be hard to get to know him.
I have pretty good dating instincts. When someone is shy or quiet I can usually draw them out or make them feel comfortable.  I don’t feel awkward or nervous and so my calm usually spreads.
But tonight was different.  We met someplace convenient to me, someplace I liked (which doesn’t always happen). He seemed like a from the get-go.  But as we sat there I found myself watching him struggle with the conversation.  I barely held up my end.  I didn’t draw him out.  I didn’t work to make it a fun, easy night for the both of us.  I knew I was behaving oddly, but I kind of didn’t care.
I didn’t even give the guy a chance.  I checked out early, long before I could get a real sense of his personality.  I could tell he was a bad dater, but that was it. It was unlike me and inexcusable.
Maybe it was because I was tired.  Maybe it was because I’m sick of trying so hard.  Shit, if I started to list all of the maybes that have been running through my mind tonight I’ll be typing for hours.  I just know that I’ve got to snap out of it.  I’m not exactly sure when my next date is but I know I don’t want any more nights like tonight.


Tags: , , ,

4 to “What Happened To My Instincts?”


  1. lisaq says:

    “Maybe it was because I’m sick of trying so hard.” I know that this was the case for me. It became too much like work which completely took the fun out of it. It was when I knew it was time for a dating time out. Maybe just a short break is what you need right now.

  2. SINgleGIRL says:

    I think you might have something there. I took a look at myself in the mirror this morning and I look like something chewed me up and spit me out. I just need to give myself a break. Not a long break. But a little break. A few days at least to just decompress and rest and catch up on some sleep.

  3. bobbyboy says:

    This particular blog gives me insight that you have a really good grasp of not only dating, but guys that you date. Very impressive :)

    “And the guys who are best at dating tend to make pretty crappy boyfriends. At least that’s my experience. They’re good at dating because they like dating. They have no interest in doing anything(for a while) but dating. They might fall into a relationship, but they’re not as good at relationships. It’s a different skill set.”

    This part really made an impact on me. Something new for me to think about :)

  4. SINgleGIRL says:

    Thanks so much for the compliment bobbyboy. It’s hard won insight. I’m glad others can find it useful.